Big Paws Only Dog Forums
August 17, 2018, 11:33:33 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Congratulation s Dinty the Newf You look very handsome atop the site.

The BPO Calendar is now available for purchase. For more information, see the self-titled thread.


Looking for something interesting to read? Catch up on the latest doggy news in our BPO Blog.
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Members Login Register  
Pages: [1] 2   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Help me! What do I do?  (Read 14813 times)
Stacey
Grand Master
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 654


Tonka


View Profile WWW
« on: September 03, 2007, 10:44:37 PM »

It has been awhile, I know.  So much has been going on.  We have been moving, Macey has been getting ready for and starting first grade, Sam has had appts and ECI for his visual impairment, DH has been home from and back to Iraq....there just hasnt been a lot of time, lately.

Today has been, undoubtedly, one of the toughest days of my life.  It is all my fault and I feel like I have failed miserably at parenting and dog ownership.  My son, 20 months, was watching TV and Tonka was asleep.  I wasn't paying attention, I wasn't watching Sam, I was mopping the floor.  I heard a loud growl, an aggressive and angry growl, it happened in a second.  Sam had gone to pet Tonka, I guess (God, he loves that dog...he doesn't say dog, all dogs are "konka"), and I don't know exactly what happened.  I heard the growl, by the time I turned around Tonka had retreated to a corner and was laying down, tail tucked, head, ears and eyes down and Sam was curled on the floor crying.  I snatched him up and his face was covered in blood.  I grabbed my purse and took him to the ER.  There was a nick on his eyebrow, his eyelid, just under the eye and under his chin.  They cleaned him up and, thankfully, it was mostly superficial but he did require 3 stitches in his chin and 3 stitches under his eye.  He is doing fine, thank GOD, and when we came home he wanted to go see "Konka".

My heart is breaking right now, I am so confused.  I KNOW, I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is my fault.  I cannot keep Tonka, though, I can't live in fear wondering if it was a fluke or if it will happen again.  He has always been so loving with my children, though a recent event has made him nervous and fearful of other children.  What do I do?  I won't take him to the shelter, I don't want him to be stuck there, I don't want him to not get adopted and then be put to sleep surrounded by strangers and fearful.  I also can't take the chance that he will end up with a home with children and his next victim won't be as lucky as Sam.
Part of me says I need to take him and have him euthanized, and be there with him while he goes to sleep so he sleeps feeling loved and comforted.  The only other option I have is a rescue organization, and I don't even know if he would be a candidate.  I don't know what my options are.

I have become everything that I hate.  I have preached to people about being responsible and supervising children with dogs.  I have preached about not dumping your pets into rescues and shelters when they are no longer a convenience.  Here I am, though!  My baby has 6 stitches because I suck as a parent and can't do that job and I am trying to decide my dog's fate because I suck as a pet owner and can't do that job.  I have failed both of them in this situation and I don't know how to remedy this.

If anyone can help me or offer suggestions, I would appreciate it.
Logged

I am kind of a big deal!
bigdogs@5501
Guest
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2007, 11:11:16 PM »

Has Tonka ever shown aggression before this to your son. Could your son have startled him? I dont think that you have failed as a parent. I am nervous with Jake around small children. For one, he is just too large and can hurt a small child with out trying. I just dont know what advice to give, this could have happened with a small dog as easily as a large dog. Also you said that a recent event has shook up Tonka, can you consult with a dog trainer to possible help him overcome that incident?
Logged
RMSChloe
Big Paws-a-holic
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 355



View Profile
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2007, 11:21:02 PM »

did maybe sam step on his leg or something when he went over to him? im not saying on perpose, i mean on accident. my neice is 23 months old and she loves "pup" (chloe, who is a great dane as well, but shes only 6 months old) but sometimes when she goes to pet her she steps on her, i dont know if maybe this might have done it, maybe he was sleeping when it happened and he woke up out of a sleep becuse of it? because he retreated to a corner, tail tucked, it leads me to believe he did this on accident and knew it was wrong. i wouldnt put him down for it, that would be a shame. if this is something that he has never done before and he has never shown aggression before, and it was an accident, then i personally dont think that would be fair. i think if you feel you cant trust him AT ALL, then adoption would be a good decision. maybe to a family that doesnt have small children. i hope you do what you feel is right, and that things can be worked out
Logged

Shes not a dog... shes a Great Dane!
Ali
BPO Fanatic
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 838


My girls!


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2007, 11:47:05 PM »

Oh, what an awful situation. I agree with you, though, on all counts. I wouldn't be able to keep my dog if she bit my son in the face. I just couldn't do it. I'd feel like crap forever for getting rid of my dog, but I'd feel so much worse if it happened again and my child was hurt worse. Something requiring stiches is pretty significant. It sounds like Tonka was sorry, but maybe Tonka has reached an age/stage of life where small kids are beyond what he can tolerate. Don't blame yourself - there is NO WAY you could have know that was going to happen, especially if nothing like that has ever happened before. I know this is not going to be a popular piece of advice here, but if it were me, I'd call a dane rescue ASAP and have Tonka go to foster care until they could find him a nice home with no small kids. The whole thing really sucks, I know. I don't suggest this lightly, either. I had a dalmation who had really bad hip displaysia when my daughter was about 20 mos. We couldn't afford the surgery for the dog, so we had her on some kind of joint lubricating pill, and for the most part she seemed ok. My daughter once leaned on her as she walked past the dog, and the dog whipped around and bit her in the face. No broken skin - just a couple of bruised tooth marks on her chin and forehead. We knew then that she was not ok. We couldn't afford the surgery, and we couldn't make her comfortable enough to be safe with our child, so we had to take her to be pts. It was horrible. I don't envy your position, but you'll make the choice that's right for you and your family and Tonka, regardless of what suggestions you're given. Just remember, you're a good mom and a good pet owner because you're taking this incident seriously and giving it some thought.
Logged

Ali
mom of 4 humans AND
Tani (TAH-nee or rhymes with "Bonnie")- Aussie/Pittie?Boxer?Mutt!
Kai - Aussie/Dobie
Kenji - big ol' black cat
Mika and Nishi - kitty sisters, foster failures!
Tasia Ladysnake - ball python
Stacey
Grand Master
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 654


Tonka


View Profile WWW
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2007, 12:02:53 AM »

I don't know what happened, to be honest, I didn't see.  The whole event was over as quick as it happened.  Ever since we moved back, Tonka has had issues.  We were living with my parents for a few months when we first got out of the military, before we got our own house here and I have some relatives and aquaintances to thank for these fear issues he has.  There was always someone, my uncle, my dad or one of my brother's friends, who thought they would get a testosterone burst by intimidating the giant dog.  My dad, thinking he has a total handle on Ceasar Milan's methods, would stare Tonka down and raise his voice until Tonka would cower, my uncle would do the same thing.  My brothers friends would come over and stare him down and make barking sounds in his face.  They thought it was hilarious to scare him, they would throw rocks on top of the tin car port so they could laugh as Tonka tucked his tail and ran for cover.  They would run up at him barking, and if he barked back or growled, he would get started down and yelled at.  I would get angry, I would tell them to cut the sh*t out and leave him alone.  I told them they were going to make him fearul and they were putting my children at risk with the behavior they created and encouraged.  They finally stopped, but they only stopped when I was watching, I would find out that they were still doing it all when I wasn't there.  When we finally moved to our own house, the damage was obvious.  Tonka was visibly afraid of all men, something that had never been a problem before.  Female guests were always welcomed with leans and licks and excitement, men were met with caution, apprehension and fear.  Even still, children were always Tonka's favorite guests.  DD would have friends over regularly, at get togethers my friends children were always excited to play with Tonka, birthday parties were held and Tonka was always playful and affectionate.  One day, on a walk, a neighbors daughter came running outside (she was 5) stood face to face with Tonka and screamed at the top of her lungs, not 5 inches from his face.  Tonka buckled, he growled, barked and lunged at her.  I yanked the leash and he immediately layed down, but that was the turning point with children.  From that day forward, he feared children, if any came to the house he was apprehensive, he would growl at them and bark, I had to keep him seperated from visiting children after that day.  MY children were never an issue, not once, especially Macey.  Sam has always been supervised with Tonka, he is small and is still learning how to be gentle and careful with animals, but Tonka has never behaved negatively towards him.
Now, today, I am faced with this.  Because I don't know what happened, I can't take any chances that there will be a next time.  I want to make the right decision, I want to do right by Tonka, but I also know that I cannot pretend this didn't happen and have him do it again, to my kids or someone elses.

I am just so confused right now.  I don't know if there is a right answer or a good outcome.
Logged

I am kind of a big deal!
London_Pyr_Lover
BPO Guru
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1265



View Profile
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2007, 12:32:33 AM »

First of all, I want to reiterate what everyone else has told you and say this is absolutely and by no means necessary your fault.  there was NO way for you to know even for a second since he has never shown any aggression towards your children that he would act this way.  

Now on to the issue at hand.  Now I do not have children, nor am I going to pretend that I am an expert in any way.  But I know that if MY dog were to show any kind of aggression towards a child, if she were to bite or lunge at a child, I would not let my dog near this child again.  And since it now seems as though your dog has a fear of children so the risk of this happening again is far greater.  Since I have no children it is easier for me to keep my dog away from them, but since you do have kids, and I assume you're not going to give them up (sorry bad joke Wink), I think finding a different home for your pup is in everybodies best interest.  Not only would you be no longer living in fear that something bad will happen again, but your dog will be able to relax.  I know how stressed I get around kids, a poor dog who has fear issues with them would be going nuts.
Find a good home for your fur baby.  One with no kids, and good, calm gentle adults.  I know this is going to be one of the hardest things you are going to have to do, but should you decide to try to work through this and another child is bitten, how horrible would you feel having to unnecessarily put Tonka to sleep.  It's for the best, everyone will be much happier and more relaxed.  No-one should have to live in fear human or canine.
And you know there's nothing to say that you can't put Tonka up for an "open" adoption.  meaning that maybe you could visit him from time to time, that way he will not be out of your life completely.
Good luck.
*Big Hug*
« Last Edit: September 04, 2007, 12:35:35 AM by London_Pyr_Lover » Logged

My Sponsership page for my very first race!
aggghgmom
BPO Guru
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1120



View Profile
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2007, 01:06:22 AM »

I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time right now.  I can't tell you what to do with your dog but I can certainly tell you that you aren't a terrible mother.

The same thing happened with my son when he was about 3 our springer spaniel bit him on the cheek - well Stoli was sleeping under the bed and my son crawled under and tried to pull her out so she snapped at him - and she took a shot at him - My son came screaming down the stairs that Stoli had bitten him - (she had NEVER showed aggression toward anyone) thankfully, there was very little blood and no stitches were required - by hubby wanted to either take Stoli (who he adored) to a shelter or put her to sleep - My son said give her another chance and I begged and promised to keep her on a leash when my son and she were in the house together.  Well we loosened up on the rules a few weeks into it and we never had another problem. 

The difference is - my son definately provocated Stoli - We don't know if yours did and I only had one dog and one child (at the time) and my hubby was in the country.  Can you maybe put the dog on craigs list and put in that the dog should go to a child free home - then you can screen whoever may be interested?

Best of luck in this very difficult situation
Logged
RMSChloe
Big Paws-a-holic
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 355



View Profile
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2007, 01:13:03 AM »

the things they did to that poor pup are wrong, and i know theres nothing you could really do to stop that. that being said, i can understand more why tonka did what he did. (im not saying he was right, but it can be understood) i know you dont want to hear this but maybe rehoming would be a good thing to do. i dont think putting him down would be fair, but i do think giving him a chance with another family, free of children would be. and hey, maybe since hes afraid of men, you might find a nice lesbian couple to take him? that would really be ideal for him! good luck, sorry..
Logged

Shes not a dog... shes a Great Dane!
AnnaCrew
Big Paw Certified
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 250



View Profile WWW
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2007, 01:54:24 AM »

I agree - the dog was most likely asleep and your son just fell on him or so. Dog reacted BEFORE he was awake and now is completely regretting the whole thing.

I would not give the dog away. How I understood, he is already ruined by the accident. I can not see any agression in this dog so far, so the only thing to be done - supervision.

My friends had similar, but much worse accident about 10 years ago - their very well trained GSD was sleeping in the launch, 3 yo baby run in the room and fell over the dog, dog snapped at her and nearly took her ear off. About 70 stiches were needed to restore one side of baby's face.

Dog adored baby, was very well trained working dog and was not agessive at all. But to avoid accidents like this the only key word is supervision. When dog is deep asleep, it always react quickly and wake up only after.

Don't blame the dog and don't blame yourself! Things like this happens all the time. Your child is ok, he still loves the dog, dog is not agressive and already is suffering, so if you can limit their actions together to "supervised only" they both will be fine and will have great time togeher.
 
Logged

http://ozolkalni.blogspot.com/
Come and pat Grace athttp://en.uniteddogs.com/dog/16498
Stacey
Grand Master
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 654


Tonka


View Profile WWW
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2007, 02:38:46 AM »

Thank you all for your support and advice. Please understand, I know that I cannot keep Tonka, it isn't an option for me.  It wouldn't be fair to him because I can never fully trust him, I would be living in fear and it would be a disservice to him.  I can't subject him to me helicoptering all the time and my fear dictating my reactions to every move and sound he makes.  I don't want to make him worse, I don't want to add to the anxiety he already suffers from.

Misty (Gracie Belle) is going to take him  for me.  She knows Tonka and loves him a lot.  When I told her what happened and that I was looking into rescue groups she offered him her home.  I get to know that he is well taken care of and I also get to see him whenever I want.

This is still so hard for me because I love Tonka so much.  This whole situation is so heartbreaking, it really has me physically ill that it has come to this.  I can't stop crying and, even though it is comforting, knowing that he will be loved and cared for doesn't help me feel completely better because he won't be with me.  I do love this dog, more than I can put into words.  He will be available to visit at my whim, but I still feel empty, it still feels like I've lost him.
Logged

I am kind of a big deal!
Ali
BPO Fanatic
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 838


My girls!


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2007, 02:50:57 AM »

It's a really hard decision to make, especially when we come to love our pets like they are kids. The bottom line, though, is that our skin kids do need to come first. So, it may feel terrible, but IMHO, it seems like the right thing to do. It's really great that you already found a loving home for Tonka, and a total bonus that it's someone who knows and loves him, and that he is already familiar and comfortable with. That is the next best thing. It sounds like the time you spent living back with your family was really hard on Tonka - poor guy. What is really important now is to make sure that your son (I'm sure I don't need to be telling you this!!!) doesn't feel like it's his fault that Tonka went away. I know he's little, but hopefully your bigger ones will understand what has happened, and no one needs to say anything to little Sam about it.Aw, I really feel for you.

All good thoughts,
Ali...
Logged

Ali
mom of 4 humans AND
Tani (TAH-nee or rhymes with "Bonnie")- Aussie/Pittie?Boxer?Mutt!
Kai - Aussie/Dobie
Kenji - big ol' black cat
Mika and Nishi - kitty sisters, foster failures!
Tasia Ladysnake - ball python
Gracie Belle
Grand Master
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 612



View Profile
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2007, 11:12:28 PM »

Hi everyone.  Thanks for all the support to my best friend Stacey and to her kids and especially Tonka.  Please continue to keep them all in your thoughts as this is a difficult time for them all. 

I wanted to give you all an update on Tonka and Stacey since this happened and since Tonka came to our house last night. 

So my boyfriend and I picked Tonka up last night around 7:30 or 8.  We drove home very calmly and quietly as to not totally stress this guy out too much since he has never been alone with us outside of his house.  We got home and before we even went into the house we took him for a very long walk for about an hour. Then once he was good and tired from the walk with just the two of us we thought that would be a good time to go ahead and introduce Gracie and Rosco to the mix.  So BF and Tonka waited outside for us and as we hoped and expected they all walked very nice and calmly together.  We walked for about another 45 minutes so they could get good and acquainted with one another through a walk.  So, we get back home and everyone is nice and calm and even Linus (the cat) is totally relaxed with Mr. Tonka. 

He was a perfect gentleman his first night at his new house.  Rosco is totally excited with his new VERY BIG brother.  He can't seem to get enough of him and Tonka seems to enjoy the attention.  Gracie seems to be a bit sweet on him.  They have this funny little flirting thing going on where they rub on each other and do the whole puppy bowing back and forth.  He even had no problems going into his new crate at bedtime.  I know he misses his Mom and his skin siblings so I have to commend him on his behavior and manners thus far.  He's a very good dude and I promise to Stacey and the kids I will do my very best by them and take extra special care of this guy for them.  The truth is we can't be any happier to have him.  I love you Stacey, Macey and Sam.  Everything is going to be just fine.  Kiss 
Logged

Misty slave to:
Gracie Belle, 2 year English Mastiff
Rosco, 1 yr Toy German Shettweiler (designer mutt of course)and toy cause he's not Rotti or GSD size AT ALL.  Though they said he was a mix of the two..  Tonka, 3 year Great Dane
And last and most certainly NOT least, Linus 5 year old cat.
People Whisperer
Supreme Drooler
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1975



View Profile
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2007, 12:35:10 AM »

Oooh, how nice of you to take Tonka  Grin Grin Grin
Hopefully you can bring some great spirit into his lost soul. Huggs and kises to you  Kiss Kiss Kiss
Logged

"To once own a Great Pyrenees is to love and want one always."
Mary W. Crane

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Smiley

dohertyswissy
Guest
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2007, 02:01:56 AM »

Thank you so much for the update.  Hugs all around.
Logged
navarre1316
BPO Guru
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1059



View Profile
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2007, 02:34:59 AM »

I hate that you had to give up Tonka, but excited that he went to someone that you are familiar with and lives close by.  Hopefully Misty, your boyfriend will be able to restore some of Tonka's trust in men, he had it before, he should be able to get it again.

"By the way, if my family behaved in that manner to my dog I would beat the sh*t outta them and leave and NEVER talk to them again. That is completely uncalled for. Sorry but I had to say that."

I agree with Julie!! I'd have a few choice words for my family. Their actions were completely disrespectful to you.
Logged

God placed me on this earth to accomplish certain tasks...I'm so far behind I'll never die!!

Navarre: GSD 9/13/99-5/14/06 patiently waiting
Issabeaux: GSD 1/27/07
Daphne: Boxer
Stone: Siamese mix
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.2 | SMF © 2006-2007, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!