Author Topic: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)  (Read 7310 times)

Offline Softhug

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Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« on: September 21, 2007, 10:21:53 am »
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.(YA THINK!!)So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them t together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.("Cold wax," yeah...right)! I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire .With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRR IIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning , I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy -- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...reme mber my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do some thing. So I put my foot down.
DAMN!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut!.... Butt?? ...Sealed shut!I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*I get in the tub -- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - - - - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......AL L OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Jacquie-Undercover Princess
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Offline Ali

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2007, 11:02:36 am »
OMG is that really a true story?? You're a brave lady for trying it, a really brave lady for surviving it, and a supreme being for candidly sharing it!! You poor, poor thing! Um, just in case you haven't already - THROW THE WAX KIT OUT!!
Ali
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Offline Softhug

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2007, 11:05:25 am »
Oh I don't know if it is a true story or not.  I imagine there are women that have been in the situtation.  I just thought I would share a HUGE laugh with the girls!  Have a good weekend!

Jacquie
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Tsu Ling-Chow Chow-RIP 5/08
Boudreaux-American Mastiff
Griffey-Pi55y, fat, yellow cat
Comrade-red/white Siberian Husky
***************
"Lots of people talk to animals," said Pooh.
"Not that many listen though."
"That's the problem."
***********

Offline dober_gurl

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2007, 02:56:34 pm »
HAHAHAHAHHAHAH AHA
That's hilarious! Definitely had me dying laughing!! I so have to show this to my mom.
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Offline schelmischekitty

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2007, 03:22:48 pm »
lmao i LOVE that!!  i have to admit i wanted to try waxing, chickened out and then volunteered hubby for it.  the hot wax though.  it REALLY does happen like that!!  hubby got his "jewels" and both thighs stuck together lol.  it was so funny to me, he had to get sewing scissors and go to work.  i never did try it!!
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Offline melissajean

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2007, 03:45:22 am »
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHA Thats great.
I actually did try cold waxing my legs (wasnt brave enough to try any where else, glad now I didnt lol) I dont care what they say, waxing hurts. I was bleeding by the time I was done, and it didnt pull out all the hair so I ended up haveing to shave anyways lol.
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Offline London_Pyr_Lover

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2007, 04:18:13 pm »
OMFG!  I just came across this post now.  I'm at work, and I'm crying from laughing so hard!  I love the way you tell stories.  You have a such an honest way about it, that you sound almost serious, which makes it that much more funny, and it's great that things like this don't only happen to me!  Although I've never been in this exact situation, chain of events type things always end up happening, then it's me on the phone to my best-friend saying HELP!  I've gone and done this to myself!  And then she laughs histerically at me.  ::) ;D
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Offline Newly Newfed

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2007, 10:24:58 pm »
OMG!  Too funny!  TOO FUNNY!  Exactly what I am afraid will happen if I ever try waxing anything other than my upper lip.  And Tina, I would be the dork that keeps the wax kit thinking I can try again and be successful the second time around.  LOL!
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Offline shine

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Re: Adventures in waxing...(for the girls)
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2007, 12:38:42 pm »
I have a good friend who gets regular Brazilians.... and when she described the procedure to me, the hair stood up on the back of my neck!! OOOWWWWWIIIIIE EEEEEE!!! Did you know that for a Full Brazilian they wax the stuff in the back, too?? (trying to think of a genteel way to put it...but I can't...they actually wax your butt hole!)  There is no way I could do it!  Years ago my cousin got one of those Epilady things...we were so excited...but it hurt so bad we could only do our shins!! 
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