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Author Topic: NDR hubby rant  (Read 6311 times)
schelmischekitty
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« on: October 21, 2007, 08:50:05 AM »

ok.  so, hubby and i have two SUV's.  he doesn't particularly like his, for whatever reason, and swears it's about to "crap out on him."  it's a 2004 and in great shape.  nothings wrong with it except that he left it sitting for SEVERAL months (drove a company car) and the battery has gone bad.  ok, no big deal.  except that it's a suzuki and we have to get the battery from a dealer, which will cost us about $100+, so hubby says.  i think he just said that to get what he wants.  either way, nice.  i have an older ford explorer (96).  i love it.  it doesn't have AC, but otherwise runs GREAT.  no problems.  until hubby drives it.  it has a V8, and hubby doesn't understand it isn't going to get up and go like his smaller SUV.  it's a BIG truck, and if you gun it it just goes into overdrive and is still a bit slow getting going, compared to a sports car or small suv with a smaller engine, less weight to get going, etc.  come on, use common sense, don't gun it!  right?!  well, he does anyways, and hits something and knocks a hole in my muffler.  nice.  easy fix though.  well, now hubby wants to trade both cars in for one new one.  our 2004 is paid off in just a few months, and the explorer was paid in cash.  why?!?!  i love my truck, and don't want to trade MINE in just so he can have the satisfaction of getting a new car.  reason being, we're upside down on the car and he wants to put $0 down on a new one, so it'll require *mine* to do that, and pay his off essentially.  yeah, i love new cars, but i like the freedom of being able to drive whenever wherever.  granted, i rarely go anywhere, it's just the fact that *i can*!  he doesn't understand this, and is somewhat irritated with me for not just saying "ok, here's my title" (which is in just my name for this reason exactly).  he swears upside down that "both trucks are going to crap out on the drive to texas."  why can't he just understand that he's being childish and that there isn't anything wrong with either car, he just wants a new one!  he acts like i'll have the single vehicle all the time, but i know better.  i'm not going to wake all the kids up before 6am to bring him to work.  or like before i got my truck when he wouldn't even wake me up to go, and would just leave and say he tried to wake me up.  i know better, i woke up w/ his alarm and waited to see and he just snuck out the house.  his excuse?   he didn't feel like dealing w/ the kids in the morning.  so i was stuck at the house all the time, which stressed me b/c i didn't even have an option but to stay there.  i'm starting to ramble now.  i'm sure everyone gets the point.  sorry for the length but i figure if anyone would understand you guys would.
« Last Edit: October 21, 2007, 08:56:35 AM by schelmischekitty » Logged

steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
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schelmischekitty
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« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2007, 09:26:19 AM »

i like your attitude!  yes, i agree, my truck has a LOT of miles left on it!  it has been great since i got it about 2-3 years ago.  other than oil changes all i've had to do to it was change the brake line b/c it has been driven in the snow and the salt ate a hole in it.  other than that it's never been anything but great.  the only other thing wrong with it is the air compressor went out for the ac (and now the muffler since hubby broke that).  my big thing is why are we going to start ALL over with a new car note, when we have this one almost paid off. literally, we have about a year / year and a half left.  that'll save us a TON of $$, which is great considering we have 3 kids.  my truck was my birthday present to myself, and like you, i don't agree with being stuck at the house with 3 kids.  first off, it's not always good for your sanity, and second off, what if i need to get to the hospital or store, etc for something right then.  or what if i want to go see my mom in another state, and he doesn't.  not to mention aiden will be starting school soon.  the possibilities are endless.  he swears he'll leave the new car with me, but come on.  i'm not stupid.  he also thought we could get a ranger or something with just the flip down seats.  i asked if he was stupid and he asked me why i said that and i had to remind him we have 5 people in our family, and a ranger like he wants has 2 real seats, and two small ones in the back.  not to mention axle, do you really think i'm going to let my baby ride in the back of a pick up??

modified to add that for being a 96 my truck is decently nice.  it has a sun roof, PL, PW, 6 cd changer, leather interior, heated windows / mirrors, electronic display that tells you when you need an oil change, gas, how many miles to empty, system analysis, etc.  almost like the eddie bower (sp??) version, but not.  i'm spoiled with it and i know i won't get that stuff if we trade in for a new car.
« Last Edit: October 21, 2007, 09:28:32 AM by schelmischekitty » Logged

steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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schelmischekitty
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« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2007, 09:33:06 AM »

If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

if only i could get him to believe / understand that!  he's very much "you can do it" and that's one thing i hate about him.  sometimes he really acts like it's all about him, yesterday i finally blew up at him when i got 5 minutes with no kids, and no chores to do and he came up annoying me "wanting attention."  he got attention, but the bad sort.  if anyone's hubby completely understands that concept, can i borrow him for a bit to come and give brandon lessons?  or send him to you for training??   Wink
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steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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Nicole
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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2007, 09:50:37 AM »

ohhhhhhh, I can totally relate to what you're saying. Husbands can be very very childish sometimes. You're just going to have to hold your ground and do NOT give up the title to your truck.

It sounds like an impulsive decision on his part, anyway.
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schelmischekitty
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« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2007, 09:57:01 AM »

it is, personally i think he's scared to drive 950 total miles alone w/ the boys.  he's not a big long distance driver, and actually he learned how to drive from me.  (long story short his mom didn't want him to grow up and refused to teach him so my mom and i taught him from 10th grade on and he didn't get a license until 12th grade b/c his mom refused to take him for that too, which my mom ended up doing also)  he gets nervous driving, so i think this is his way of saying he doesn't want to do it alone, and wants to just take one car the whole way.  i, on the other hand, could care less.  i drove to ohio and back from NC in two days just because hubby said i could have a break and do something and i didn't have anything else to do, and hadn't seen ohio before  Roll Eyes
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steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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schelmischekitty
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« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2007, 10:07:38 AM »

thanks for the input!  i definately need more help to learn how to be taken seriously.  everyone thinks i'm playing or something when i'm serious (at least hubby / kid wise).  i'm going to the links now!

modified to add i laughed b/c of your i'm not saying your fat part.  i'm not lol, i'm short, and average.  not fat, but not skinny as a rail either lmao
« Last Edit: October 21, 2007, 10:08:57 AM by schelmischekitty » Logged

steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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schelmischekitty
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« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2007, 10:16:24 AM »

LOL we need to revive the "what we look like" post
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steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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aggghgmom
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« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2007, 10:26:33 AM »

Oh no, no, no - do not let him get his way and go to a one car family until it is absolutely necessary!!  Your freedom is way to important to lose - even if things are the best, 100% perfect in your marriage you don't know what is going to happen in a month, year 5 years whatever...tak e it from some people on this board who were stunned when their hubby went and did something they never expected - you have to protect yourself and your kids (sorry hubby it is the way it is).

We have similar issues with cars but my hubby wants my truck(which we both love), everytime I say I'm thinking of trading it he suggests trading his instead - his is paid off so I would like to keep it - mine we still owe a little but it is worth more so if we trade it I will have a deposit on something newer that gets better mileage (I have a 2004 GMC Yukon) I was thinking a smaller SUV but if he keeps mine we still have a gas guzzler and a much smaller deposit on my newer truck.  I actually think I will keep it is so comfortable and right now I can afford the gas.

Randy & Harley
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schelmischekitty
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« Reply #8 on: October 21, 2007, 10:47:11 AM »

i'm so glad i'm not the only one who thinks like i do!  i was starting to think i *was* being selfish by throwing a "fit" over this, but now i feel it's justified.  i guess what makes things worst is that his family all agrees with him and my whole family agrees with me  Embarrassed
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steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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Nicole
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« Reply #9 on: October 21, 2007, 11:28:56 AM »

OH! RED FLAG! RED FLAG!

Did you say "his family" and "Your family" agree with you and him about problems between you and him?!?!?!?!


NO!!!!!!!!


Do not, I repeat, DO NOT allow your families ANY input on marital and family disputes/concerns/arguments/discussions/etc. They're not going to have to deal with the outcomes, they're not responsible for any of it. Besides, its really unfair to both of you to allow outside family members to have influence. By that, I mean, he shouldn't go to them with issues with you and vice versa. Take it from experience, family members having too much input can really strain a relationship, and its obviously got enough strain on its own, right?

Just a little friendly advice! I hope you're not offended, but I've just been there and done that, and I know that its a bad deal!!!!!

*Modified to fix a humerous spelling error. IF YOU GUYS DIDN'T SEE IT, I AIN'T TELLIN!*
« Last Edit: October 21, 2007, 11:49:19 AM by Nicole » Logged
schelmischekitty
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« Reply #10 on: October 21, 2007, 11:40:58 AM »

no i don't mind it and i'm not offended!  the thing is, i always ask my mom what she thinks.  i don't rub it in his face, though.  she's more like my rational self when i'm mad and irrational!  neither of us bring it up to him, and we just discuss what's the best way to do things and what's a reasonable thing to be expected of me to do.  she's my best friend, and as much of my family now as ever, if not more so.  hubbies family on the other hand.  that's a WHOLE other story.  his family starts a lot of problems with us.  his mom, especially, didn't like me at first and we still don't get along, 5 years and some odd months after we got married (not even counting dating time!).  she'll do about anything to start problems.  she's the one who caused us to have to rehome our dogs because of her dog being "picked at" and then rehomed her's anyways, which i found out she had been planning for a long time before we got there anyways.  she really despises how blunt and forthright i am about things.  i guess she supposes i should be quiet and agreeable, instead of "this is how it is" and telling everyone exactly what i think or will do about something whenever they ask me.

hubby and i do have a lot of fights over his families involvement in our life.  i don't appreciate him talking finances to his family, and i don't think it's quite right his mom asks us to pay her car note on occasion.  i also don't agree with explaining just why we can't afford to loan her money, or pay her car note, etc (which she does question us every time we say no).  long story short, hubby is a tiddy baby, and my mom and i are best friends so we discuss everything though neither of us get pushy or rude about it like his family tends to do.  we never talk finances, either, though.  just about if it's right for me to have to give in to something he wants or not.  he can be very demanding sometimes, and i just don't know what to do all the time.  i guess with me and mom, it's more of a two way street of "i'm here if you need to talk" scenario.  i wish it was as easy as it sounds to say "no family guidance"  Undecided
« Last Edit: October 21, 2007, 11:47:12 AM by schelmischekitty » Logged

steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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Nicole
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« Reply #11 on: October 21, 2007, 11:51:13 AM »

Ahhh, I see.

Yeah, I talk to my mom a lot too. So, I get it. I thought you were saying like, "MY mom agrees! and so does YOUR mom!"

that stuff sucks! haha!
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bigdogs@5501
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« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2007, 04:53:23 AM »

I have to agree with every one- NO you do not give up your car for him to have a new one. I also think that you should make a few phone calls when he is at work and see if his story about the battery is on the up and up- I have never heard of anything so silly.

Your car is not just a car. It is a part of your independence. In each relationship you both need to have some independence. If you are solely dependent on him for everything, including your transportation, then you lose some of your identity. I know that sounds crazy however in a relationship when there is one that has to depend on the other for everything they do, then the relationship is not an even relationship and that will cause bad feelings. Its not worth it over a car that will lose a lot of value once it is driven off of the lot and does he really think that you are going to get a lot of trade in on a 9 year old gas guzzling vehicle- Nope- doesnt work that way.

Stand your ground and good luck.
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navarre1316
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« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2007, 08:29:56 AM »

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!  I totally agree with the independence thing.  When I read this the first thing I thought of was being home alone with the three kids and no vehicle for anything, bottom line is that's not safe.  And since it's a "been there done that" issue I wouldn't back down.  You may be right, he's just nervous about traveling with the boys alone, but he is their FATHER!  Remember his "you can do it" attitude (which is a good one to have most times!)  You could tell him it could be used as bonding time with the boys, it's a girl free zone!!!LOL

I'll have to tell my mom about the battery thing, she has a Suzuki too and I didn't think that it was that big of an issue.  Well, good luck.
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God placed me on this earth to accomplish certain tasks...I'm so far behind I'll never die!!

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schelmischekitty
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« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2007, 10:48:23 AM »

thanks everyone!  i agree with the identity thing, i very much need "my" stuff.  my mom and i are both very independent, and she raised me to be even more stand on my own than she is.  as it is i hate the fact i can't work.  i want to contribute money wise too, but with the kids i'm needed more at home right now.  hubby thinks i should be happy with things and just doesn't understand that i'm human before anything, then a mommy, THEN a wife.  he doesn't understand my need to have *my own* things, time, life, friends, etc. etc.  it's quite frustrating, and i believe now i should have married an old guy, at least they "should" have already learned how women work!

i will be calling around about the battery, i think it's bs.  he said auto zone didn't even have one, or advanced auto.  i don't see that happening, as there are a good # of foreign cars in the area (and all over!). 

oh, he will be driving with the boys, one way or another.  the dealer wants to give us $1000 for my truck, i told hubby there's no way in h*ll-o i'll do that.  it's worth way more than that, even if it is only that way in my head.
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steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
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