Big Paws Only Dog Forums
March 28, 2017, 06:52:28 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Congratulation s Dinty the Newf You look very handsome atop the site.

The BPO Calendar is now available for purchase. For more information, see the self-titled thread.


Looking for something interesting to read? Catch up on the latest doggy news in our BPO Blog.
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Members Login Register  
Pages: 1 [2]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: I've had it. I need to vent. LONG and rambling. Sorry.  (Read 7525 times)
Newly Newfed
Top Doggie Dog
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 760


Sierra


View Profile
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2008, 03:12:04 PM »

Karateblossom, the only problem with doing things our way and telling her to get over herself is that she knows she can't do anything about our decisions, but she will take it out on the kids.  She'll treat them like crap - yell at them, give them guilt trips, tell them how disappointd she is in them, start crying and saying that they love us more than her...  She'll tell them it's their fault she's upset because they should have known better than to ask their dad when they know how she feels about it, or that they should have flat out refused to do what Jeff and I wanted because they know she would disagree with it.  That's how she tries to control us.  Because she knows we don't want the kids to have to go through that.  She doesn't love those kids, they're just another tool for her to use to get her way.  She's in a for a rude awakening.  She has no idea, but Jeff and I are considering either having her visitation supended, so she doesn't see them at all, or at least having it supervised.  I hate the thought of how the kids are going to feel now that it is coming to this, but they're mental health and well-being is our first priority.  She is doing more damage to them than anything else.  Jeff and I don't feel it's right that we need to pick up the pieces when they come home upset every time they see their mother.  To tell you how bad she is, two of her brothers have cut her out of their lives because of the way she treats Jeff me and the kids and the one brother even told her he doesn't consider her a mother and that I'm more of a mother to the kids than she ever was.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2008, 03:28:09 PM by Newly Newfed » Logged

Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole - Roger Caras

Sierra-Newfoundland
Cody-Papillon
Oscar, Gina- Cats
Roxy-Ferret
Peaches, Sean, Thunderbolt, Chablis, Lucky, Miracle, Ivy, Riley-Whitetail Deer
karateblossom
Veteran Dog Chomper
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 109


skin and fur family of many children from ages 5 to 14 living at home; and eng mastiff named odin and a siamese named april. we are like alvin and the chipmunks meet garfield!


View Profile
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2008, 04:18:24 PM »

ahhhh, thats so sad!  I mean, Julie (my husbands ex) gets pissed but we really just deflate her sails.  Its sad sad sad that jeff's ex is mean to the kids wit the guilt.  I am so sorry u have to deal with that.  Those kids are in your life for obvious reasons then....and no matter how frustrating, YOU are gonna be the rewarded one-not the one whonruns guilt trips and created tears in those children.  Sounds like suspension of visitation isnt off the wall!  Wink  Hang in there and like i said, regardless of their reaction, you are doing good.  Thats probably why she got so upset at you for not going....SHE NEEDS AND VALUES YOUR presence, her mother is just another acquaintance!  How lucky you are to have that control!  ROCK ON ! 
nikki
Logged

karma is kewl!
mynameislola
Big Paws-a-holic
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 314



View Profile
« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2008, 05:06:43 AM »

What consequences have you given your kids for noncompletion of their chores?  A time limit with a consequence is what they will face in the real adult world, and as parents, you owe it to the kids to prepare them to be successful.  Practice saying that until you can say it to the kids without laughing.  Smiley

Random objects left on the floor are a safety issue.  At one point, I guess her girls were maybe 9 and 7, and she told them on a Friday that they were going to practice fire safety and that if it was necessary for them to get out of their bedrooms fast, the mess on the floor could make them fall and not get out as fast.  She said that anything left on their bedroom floors after they went to bed would now be considered trash and Mom would remove it for their own good.

After they went to bed, my sis went in their rooms with a laundry basket and took every single thing on the floor out that was not furniture or their slippers and locked it in the trunk of her car.  She got several toys, their shared Game Boy and some games, and one girl's finished homework.  The next night she got one girl's school shoes and sent her to school in old ratty sneakers.  They got the important things back at Christmas; luckily for the kids that was only 2 weeks away.

Another thing she did was to not allow them to have friends over or leave the house unless their rooms were spotless.  Her oldest girl, now a drum major and concertmistres s of an orchestra, missed one rehearsal and got it.

Best of luck with yours.  If they were mine I'd so go for supervised visitation. 

Logged

The canine kids:
     Cody Newfoundland
     Wally Italian Mastiff
     Zita Italian Mastiff
     Sparky Chihuahua
shine
Veteran Dog Chomper
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 181



View Profile
« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2008, 01:47:40 PM »

NN - my stepson's mom pulled that same kind of crap.  She took her guilt trips so far that she threatened suicide a few times, and twice she lied to him and told him she had cancer so he'd "better love her more while he still could!!" (she claimed ovarian cancer and lip cancer....both of which miraculously cleared up with no medical intervention.. ..what an idiot...). 

It used to be almost impossible to challenge a biological mother's rights, but the family courts are changing.  Our custody battle was a rather amazing example of this.  We were given Emergency Temporary Custody of my SS after he told us about his mother driving him around while drunk...all we did was call our attorney, they contacted the courts, and 4 days later we had the order.  It was VERY stressful....w e had to pick him up for our regular mid-week evening visit like everything was normal but we all knew he was not going back to his mom (not easy for an 11 year old to pull off)....then the courts served her with the change of custody papers after we left.  She was drunk when they did and tried to attack the process server (which he later testified about...didn't help her case!). 

We went to court a few days later, and the judge upheld the change of custody until both my husband and his ex had alcohol evaluations and my stepson could talk to his Guardian ad Litem (an attorney who specifically represents the child...most states appoint them) and he could hear from character witnesses and make the best decision.  This dragged on for a couple months, and it was tough.  She had visitation, and seemed to use it to mentally abuse her son as much as possible.  He got to the point that he didn't want to go see her at all.  She called our house and screamed and ranted and raved....I still have many voicemail recordings of her drunken threats.  She constantly called her attorney with lies about us.  She even called the cops at 2 a.m. and had them come check on my SS because she claimed she thought we had killed him....I was furious, I refused to wake him up and let them into his room to see him sleeping but told them if he woke up and saw them in his room it would terrify him and I would sue the whole department (like I said, nerves were frayed, lol). 

In the end, we were granted custody based on the many lies she told that we exposed and the testimony of my stepson (who thankfully was allowed to speak to the judge alone instead of in open court in front of his mother).  She was granted visitation.... but continued to act like a psycho and less than a year later were back in court to have her visitation suspended or supervised.  The judge allowed my stepson to decide whether or not he saw his mom.  He was not quite 13 when the court gave him this power....somet hing that would have been unheard of 15 years ago, but like I said the courts are changing. 

Sorry to hijack this thread, but I wanted to share our experience with you.  If you do go to court, you must be prepared for a very ugly fight.  You must be prepared to be your own private detective and track down every lie she tells.  This is where intense dislike for her really comes in handy, lol.  I was a dog with a bone about it.  She lied to the courts and said we were interferring with her telephone visitation.... I got our phone records to show that she was lying.  She claimed she never threatened us....I produced the voicemail recordings of it.  To say that she hates my guts would be a major understatement .  And to this day, if something happened to our home or our animals, I would immediately think she did it.  But my stepson is much better off, so it was worth all the stress and frustration and sleepless nights.  Good luck to you!
Logged

Sharing my life and love with
Bodhi - Newfoundland
Rio - Loyal Lab/Beagle Mix
Zildjian - Dalmatian
Dolly - Weird Hound Mix
Stubby - Weird Corgi Mix
Ribbit - Grumpy Cocker Mix
House Cats - Bump, Delilah, Stashe, Mischa, Moose
Barn Cats - Archie, Betty, Midge
The Pigs - Ginger & Marianne
Newly Newfed
Top Doggie Dog
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 760


Sierra


View Profile
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2008, 07:26:10 PM »

lola - they do get grounded.  I don't keep Katie away from her cheer practices though.  If she missses one without a doctor's note, she is off the squad.  I don't want to do that to her just v=because she didn't do one load of dishes.  I take away other things.  Going to friend's houses, friends coming over, etc.  The most effective thing I've found it to take away the computer from Katie - heaven forbid she can't go on MySpace - and the tv from Kelsey - no Hannah Montana?  That's torture!  And she's not allowed to DVR it either.  Jeff made the mistake of becoming too lenient on the kids when his ex left.  It was very ugly, with her threatening suicide in front of the kids and Jeff and her getting into terrible fights.  And he was dealing with his own issues about what she did to him.  Unfortunately, he never started cracking down on them again after all was said and done.  It was so far that I threatened grounding to Kelsey and she said "We never get grounded" and continued to ignore me!  I said that was before I came and she was grounded.  Boy was she mad!  Of course first thing she did was call her mother and cry to her.  Her mother called Jeff and started screaming that I have no right to punish her children and I am nothing more than a nanny.  Well, she was on speakerphone and that's when I said "If you were actually being a mother to them, they wouldn't need a nanny!"  She then got mad I heard what she said, called Me "Miss Immaturity", told him she will tell the kids that they do not need to listen to anything I say, and hung up on Jeff.

shine - I'm so sorry your step-son had to go through that ordeal.  Thank God he is with you now and has had a stable, caring environment that he'll be able to thrive in.  I have been keeping record of all the things she has said and done that I think is over the edge, like when she told the doctor was not allowed to bring them in for medical attention.  DUH!  There was one time that Jeff and my step-son were arguing with her (My step-son let her have it!).  At one point she started crying and begging Jeff not to take her kids away from her.  Now she's the type to bluff her way through everything so this worries me.  I think she believes we know about something that happened when they were with her.  Something that will prompt a judge to take them away from her.  I can't help but wonder.  Jeff and I also don't trust her fiance.  I think he's such a sleaze and he makes my hair stand on end.  He's 18 yrs older than her and he has the morals of a slug because he started pursuing her while Jeff was in a coma after his accident, so he knew she was married.  Not that it stopped her from reciprocating.  She mentioned that the girls are never alone with him.  Which also makes Jeff and I worry why she won't leave the girls alone with the man she's marrying.  Jeff saw him pat Katie on the butt once.  I thought Jeff was going to kill him.  We have our suspicions but both girls have said nothing ever happened and we have nothing to go on.
Logged

Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole - Roger Caras

Sierra-Newfoundland
Cody-Papillon
Oscar, Gina- Cats
Roxy-Ferret
Peaches, Sean, Thunderbolt, Chablis, Lucky, Miracle, Ivy, Riley-Whitetail Deer
dohertyswissy
Guest
« Reply #20 on: January 21, 2008, 08:13:38 PM »

I've got no advice here, but I just wanted to say...

BRAVO!!!!!!

To all you Moms & StepMoms (and Dads/StepDads too  Smiley) that care about what is in the best interest of the child and do whatever it takes to make sure that is upheld. 

I've seen it go down so many times the other way around.

I am have the utmost respect for all of you.   Smiley
Logged
karateblossom
Veteran Dog Chomper
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 109


skin and fur family of many children from ages 5 to 14 living at home; and eng mastiff named odin and a siamese named april. we are like alvin and the chipmunks meet garfield!


View Profile
« Reply #21 on: January 22, 2008, 12:19:52 AM »

thank you swissy!  We laugh a lot because my stepdaughter is redheaded (you know, treat her like red headed step child) but she is such an angel...and my boys, well, there wings are bent but I still love them.  Those kids are our future and i'll be damned before I fail to raise my children in an an environment lacking self-esteem, respect and discipline.  I quit work so I could be with my children....an d I love being mom.  my step daughter is my REAL daughter and I don't see any step about it!  Wink 
Logged

karma is kewl!
Newly Newfed
Top Doggie Dog
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 760


Sierra


View Profile
« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2008, 01:44:39 AM »

Tina, I love that show!  I don't know how people can live like that!!!

Nikki - I feel the same way about Jeff's kids.  He doesn't want any more kids, so his kids are all I'm ever going to have.  Whether I gave birth to them or not, I'm the one who is raising them with Jeff, so I get to be a mom after all (without the stretch marks or contractions  Cheesy) and I'm loving every minute of it.

Swissy - Thank you!!  I am really trying to be a good influence on them.  Before I met Jeff I had a cat.  Period.  And now I am suddenly thrown into the parent role for three teenagers, well two teens and an 11 year old who is already acting like a teenager.  It's only been two years, I'm still a rookie.  I will be for a LONG time I think!  LOL!
« Last Edit: January 23, 2008, 02:20:02 AM by Newly Newfed » Logged

Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole - Roger Caras

Sierra-Newfoundland
Cody-Papillon
Oscar, Gina- Cats
Roxy-Ferret
Peaches, Sean, Thunderbolt, Chablis, Lucky, Miracle, Ivy, Riley-Whitetail Deer
karateblossom
Veteran Dog Chomper
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 109


skin and fur family of many children from ages 5 to 14 living at home; and eng mastiff named odin and a siamese named april. we are like alvin and the chipmunks meet garfield!


View Profile
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2008, 02:45:14 AM »

Oh, yea-LONG time is an understatement, newf!  8 years for me and we JUST started making headway in our battle with his psycho ex.  LOL.  My stepdaughter is 11 so  we have 7 years of of dealing with psycho.  We pay her $1000/mo for one child in child support.....Sh e makes  $60k/year, until her husband killed himself, he brought in about $90K/yr....plus retirement benefits.  When he died, my stepdaughter gets another $1K/mo and the ex gets a military retirement check plus healthcare plus a life insurance payment......a nd she has a maide, 3 plasma tv's, 3 high dollar vehicles!

My point-ONLY 7 years to go with those support payments and then we can totally look at ex and just say......NOW you have no say so! 

But....you aren't  gonna pay for college?  h*ll no, we gave you $12k a year for support for 15 years (and the child never stayed in daycare).....hoped you saved some of it or else she will have to go through college like the rest of us!  Wink

7 short years!

Logged

karma is kewl!
mynameislola
Big Paws-a-holic
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 314



View Profile
« Reply #24 on: January 23, 2008, 11:01:23 AM »

Have you checked the registered sex offender database for that fiance?  I'd also get a detective on him ASAP and see if you can find anything bad on him to tell the judge.
Logged

The canine kids:
     Cody Newfoundland
     Wally Italian Mastiff
     Zita Italian Mastiff
     Sparky Chihuahua
karateblossom
Veteran Dog Chomper
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 109


skin and fur family of many children from ages 5 to 14 living at home; and eng mastiff named odin and a siamese named april. we are like alvin and the chipmunks meet garfield!


View Profile
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2008, 05:54:17 PM »

yea lola, good advice.  Safety for those babies!
Logged

karma is kewl!
Newly Newfed
Top Doggie Dog
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 760


Sierra


View Profile
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2008, 07:32:30 PM »

I check the databases on a regular basis  Shocked)
Logged

Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole - Roger Caras

Sierra-Newfoundland
Cody-Papillon
Oscar, Gina- Cats
Roxy-Ferret
Peaches, Sean, Thunderbolt, Chablis, Lucky, Miracle, Ivy, Riley-Whitetail Deer
Pages: 1 [2]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.2 | SMF © 2006-2007, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!