Not on much.

[lins_saving_grace]

I know I haven't been here much lately and it's not for lack of wanting to be.  Work is nuts.  Home is nuts. I'm just watching my P's and Q's for many reasons. 
Found out tonight when I logged into the big junky computer that the last day my husband was home "sick" he was getting online and into yahoo personals.  In fact he may have found a soul mate in a woman in a town about 15 minutes outh of here.  He must be getting tired of me (not that he's ever home to see me much and have to put up with me in order to get sick of me), but looks like I'm on the outs one of these days.  I hope "Lori" as her personal ad calls her likes Rotts and her dog gets along with them cuz I can only take Grace if I leave.  I doubt he's met her yet since the bank register online only shows he's been at his normal hang out. 
Or I could stay, knowing Lady would be taken care of if I was here and let him have his boyish fun and free load so to speak.
God I'm just torn.  It's like an evil cycle with him.  He wants to move Southwest to find a job that doesn't make him angry and drunk...but I'm the one that has to find a place to go and he'll follow.  I wonder if that's his way of saying I'll be there...just hold your breath. 
I'm just so upset but not about this.  I don't trust him and wonder if I ever have.  Maybe I hoped it would change and he'd finally be happy with me.  But alas...I was wrong about that too.  He's trying so hard to make me miserable and he lies and treats me like his live in maid.  HE says we don't get along well...but he's not here enough to not get along with me.  But this is all my fault to talk to him. 
I just need to disappear from the face of his earth.  Anyone anywhere want a good for nothing roommate?
Where's Moon when you need a really good insight on something?
Well...I should stop rambling about my miserable life and go play with the dogs.  Maybe he'll go to the bar tongiht like always and never make it home.
Thanks for listening.

[Jessdryden]

Awww Lin, I'm sorry.  You'll be in our thoughts and prayers...we're hoping everything will work out for the best.

[Teamshredit]

That sux Lin. 
I'm sure you know this but it's impossible to make an already miserable person happy(he doesn't sound very self-respecting). No matter what he chooses to do he's going to take himself with him...I'm sorry that you are going through this.
 

[Blair]

Lin I am so sorry  Just remember everyone on BPO cares very much for you and will always be here for you when you need a shoulder to lean on!!!!

[K9ldy00]

I am hoping for the best for you. I was married to an Alcoholic for 18 years. According to them it's always someone or something that is making them drink. I wonder how and why I stayed so long.
Keep your head up make a plan.  You know we are here for you. Don't let him wear you down.

[newflvr]

Oh, Lin, that is so tough!  If he loses you, he's lost the best woman he'll ever find! 

Thoughts and prayers are with you, kid!!

The Newfers and me!!

[ZooCrew]

I'm sorry to hear you are going thru a hard time.  I hope everything can work out for the best.  We are all here if you need us to be.

[Kiahpyr]

I'm so sorry Lin! That just sucks. Remember we are here for you. Sending hugs & slobbers!

[shangrila]

Lins, I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time.

Do you think you are ready to leave? Have you been saving up money? Do you have any family you can stay with? I remember you talking about very serious issues with him before, and I want to make sure you know that you can get out. You know it's an evil cycle and you seem to know it won't get better. Take care of yourself.

[Kermit]

I'm so sorry, Lin. That is a bunch of crap.

Please please please take care of yourself!!! Hang in there, you are a strong woman I can tell!!! You deserve WAY better.

We love you.  

[Mom2Sadie]

Oh Lin I'm sorry you're going through this. I'll reiterate the fact that we all love you and if he doesn't see what an amazing lady you are, it's his issue, not yours. And I'll add that if you say the word, Big Bad Sadie and I will meet him at his stupid bar and kick his sorry @$$ so hard, he'll have toes for teeth 

Seriously, so sorry he's being so lousy to you but please don't internalize it and think there's something wrong with you. This is not your issue, it's his, no two ways about it. Hang in there, and just sound the alarm if you need me and Sadie to come to the rescue!

[Gypsy Jazmine]

((((((((((LINS))))))))))...I am not going to sugarcoat this because I think you are a fellow tough girl with grit & backbone....Pe ople can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you...Why do you think you deserve this kind of treatment?....The only reason I can imagine is because you wouldn't be able to keep both of the dogs & that is a noble & valid reason g/f! You are "good stuff"...& I don't give compliments freely & without just reason...Siste r friend, put up your bounderies & let littleboy lost know what is acceptable to YOU!!!!...Then act accordingly... You will be a stronger woman because of it either way!!...P.M. me your phone # & I will call to talk to you!...You take care of YOU & the rest WILL fall into place!!!

[Senghe]

What a total waste of space your husband is. I just LOVE the way he thinks he's not going to be an agry lush if you move! IF he could ever get his act together at all, he could do it where he is right now. You'll never change him - he'll just get worse if anything. Believe me as I spent far too long in a relationship with an alcoholic with a foul temper and had to put up with a father just the same who I now don't have anything to do with, so I have little patience or sympathy for men like this. My ex-boyfriend even tried to emotionally blackmail me to stay with him over the dog! It didn't work, by the way as my sanity meant more to me than even my lovely dog. I knew he'd never hurt him as he did love him as much as I did, but I missed the dog terribly (never gave the ex second thought!).

If you're in the position to get out, go and do it a.s.a.p. Don't tell him either, just do it as I don't want to see you on Forensic Detectives or anything  If possible make some arrangements for the doggies so you know they are safe and get everything arranged so you can just do a moonlight flit when he's at work or getting drunk in the bar.

[lins_saving_grace]

Thank you all so much for your support.  I really need all the positvity I can get and I know I can get it here.  I really really thrive on that you know. 
I know I don't deserve this...no one does. 
I have some money saved up.  I just always think of the conscequences.  If I leave he'll stop making the mortgage payment and I'll be in foreclosure too.  What happens to Lady.  What if he finds me.  What if what if what if. 
I am making plans though.  It's always been in the back of my mind.  I just never expected to go into this relationship thinking it would be temporary. 
My family is 600 miles away. So that's not an option.  not really.
And don't worry.  non sugar coated is good...and I can take it.   I'm like that too...nothing ever comes out sweet and nice.
I'm ready for anything but this.  I keep hearing myself say "welcome to the beginning of the end".  When he says he's spitting up blood I think maybe he has cirosis and it's almost over.  or when he gets really trashed he'll accidentally go off the side of the road and that would be a great quick fix.  I know the clock is ticking one way or the other.  I just gotta decide if I can wait out his.  I hate to even think it...but I know his days are numbered.  I would hate to see anything bad happen to him...but I know that's what he wants. 
You guys are the best!  You really really are.

[PennyK]

I know I haven't been on BPO very long but my head has been where yours is at many times.  Its a tough call.  It always seems so much easier to stay.  But is easy always best?  I don't know yet either.  You are the only one that can make you happy.  Its a very tough call.  I hope you can do whats best for you.