I haven't really brought this up on here before cause (obviously) it's really private and VERY detailed with info a lot of you shouldn't have to think about...but I've had it and need someone to listen to it (that isn't involved)...
My Mom suffers from severe depression. It is a terrible disease she's lived with since her early 20's (she's 66 now) and it's pretty much ruled her life. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, it's so sad to watch someone suffer through it...
Anyhow my parents split when I was younger and I've pretty much looked after my Mom in one way or another ever since. I'm not feeling sorry for myself for "the way the tide has turned" in regards to my family, I realize things happen in life that usually only end up making us stronger in the end. And, I'm a firm believer in respecting our elders and helping them as they need. My Mom lived on her own out here for a few years, but kept getting sicker. Her doctor advised she couldn't live on her own anymore, for fear of her life...
So when Eric and I were married we took her in, she lived with us for just over 2 years. Needless to say it was the hardest 2 years, and was VERY hard on Eric and I's new marriage. So we decided we needed a new plan for my Mom, about 2 years ago. My Mom is from Montreal, is VERY french and is VERY close with her sisters (she has 6 of them). So one of them so graciously offered to try and have Mom live with her (she's retired), so long as she would pay rent. Well, it hasn't been working well for the past 7 months or so. SO, Eric and I talked about it and figured we'd get her back here into a "younger" senior's home, we found her the nicest place that's 20 minutes from here and that only accepts "active" seniors... Since December I've been working SO HARD at getting her a spot in this place, it is very saught after and the waiting list is crazy...
Mom's spot won't be open for her until mid-July. Obviously I want my Mom here for the birth of our baby...her first grandchild (I'm an only child). Because living with Mom is so hard we came up with the plan that she can stay at a nice hotel here in town until her spot opens up at the home. She could hang out at our place with me during the day, or I would visit daily (if I can't) Eric would. I've been off work on bed rest for over a month now and have been begging Mom to come out ever since, so we could hang out and stuff. We have her travel plans all worked out, all she has to do is "put it into action", it's up to her...
So I talk to Mom everyday on the phone. I told her yesterday that as per my doctor, my due date is next Monday (June 25th) and that if the baby doesn't come by then he won't make me go past a few days more than that. So, we're going to be having a baby by the end of next week, obviously we're SO excited!!!
My Mom has sent a few parcels with baby clothes, stuff like that - she is excited for her grandbaby. I know she loves me with all of her heart, but she is a person that expects everything to be worked out for her before taking any sort of action on a situation. Without sounding harsh she is a bit of a snob per say - she wants things to be perfect FOR HER. I kind of have always known that she calls me daily to (without sounding rude) "make herself feel good about not being here". It's true, it's unfortunately just part of the way she works...
Mom has been doing well (mentally) for some time now. She is on a medication that is agreeing with her very well (and most importantly) that she doesn't want to stop taking. So we've been waiting to hear from her when she'll be coming out, I can't wait! I ask her daily if she's "packed any stuff" or "phoned to get her ticket" etc - she always kind of shrugs it off. Well tonight she told me that she's not coming until her spot is opened up at the home, and that she's not excited about that either as she doesn't want to live "that lifestyle". She said the situation in Montreal sucks but she's not sure if she can come back out here either, cause she's not sure that's "what she wants". She said "you sent me back here (to Montreal) when I didn't want to, so maybe you should think about that". Basically she said because she can't live with me and Eric (which is ideal to her) that she may not be in our lives (other than over the phone). OUCH. She nearly put me into labor right then and there.
I am so hurt. I don't know how a parent couldn't want to be there for the birth of their only child's child. After EVERYTHING I've done for her...she basically is like a child to me, I've cared for her in many ways since I was a teenager. I am her legal guardian on top of everything else (because she isn't able to make some decisions for herself). I'm not that close to my Dad, so my Mom is really "it" for my family. I'm so lucky to have Eric's family, they are awesome (and) really they are my family just as much as they are his. But I'm so hurt, I can't stop crying. And to think (originally) I even wanted her in the delivery room with Eric and I.
My family is a joke. I just know I would NEVER treat my kids this way - ever. Family is most important, always.
Thanks for listening.