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Great Danes => Great Dane Discussions => : Anky January 05, 2006, 11:32:50 AM
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As most of you know my Fram passed away suddenly last week. Sanity and I had been staying with them to help out. Well Sanity has been staying with Moni, and I was going to pick him up this week. I get a call from my grandfather to call him so I do. He informs me that Sanity isn't welcome in his house anymore. That he causes too much stress and that's what killed my grandmother. That he wasn't going to deal with it, that he wasn't going to baby sit him. I'm obviously in shock and trying not to cry and he says "I know you love him but someone else will love him just as much." He then informs me he wants Sanity gone before he leaves for Florida at the end of the month.
For those who don't know, Nee is my baby boy, the light of my world, my best friend, and the only thing of value I have in the entire world. Just pawning him off on someone else isn't something feasible. Matt's mom can only take him in small doses. She constantly says "He's a good dog, he's just TOO BIG!" Which as we all know is BS as big dogs take up less room than the smaller hyper dogs, but we aren't going to get into that.Â
I just got a job and I don't have the money to get my own place right now, but TRUST me I'll be working on it.  Matt has been working on his mom to no avail, my mother said "Well it's probably for the best because he's so expensive anyways" and I'm SOOOO pissed off because no one understands, he's my baby. They think when i say I love him I mean like I love a pair of jeans that makes my butt look good. They can't contemplate how important he is to me.
I had spoken to some people about this yesterday, and they suggested that I keep him with moni until my grandfather leaves for FL, then bring him back, which'll give me a few months to figure something out. However, today I get a call on my cell phone from a total stranger. Apparently my grandfather is offering Sanity for free to people on the street. Matt says that he's in the "Bitter Phase" of mourning.Â
One of the suggestions that I got was if we all wrote to him to tell him how much Nee means to me. That would only serve to get him REALLY REALLY mad! My Fram would never stand for this if she was alive. For all the problems she had with Nee she knew how much I loved him.Â
So I'm just asking for suggestions from the only people who understand me and my goofy canid soulmate. (I'm NOT moving to Florida Holly!)
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Here are my suggestions, they may not be practical, but hopefully they will make you smile (some of these you've heard before):
1. Get Matt's mom to move in with gramps, then you, Nee, Matt, and the rest of the canine crew can live in peace and harmony.
2. Find a sexy senior-ita for Gramps to fall for in Florida so he doesn't want to come back.
3. We can start a BPO housing assistance fund to get you a deposit and first month's rent (plus pet deposit, of course) on a house/apartment so you can move in with Nee.
4. Hire a psychic medium to connect with Fram before grampa leaves for Florida so she can chew his a** from the great beyond and he will be forced to keep Nee in the house or fear the "Wrath of Fram".
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I like number 3! :P
Also, Nee is my service dog. Should make it a LITTLE bit easier to find an apartment. But not much. If it isn't a lab, Golden, or shepherd it's not a service dog in most people's eyes.
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Ang I am so sorry you are going through this :( Ben said you can move in with us LOL [and I think he was serious] If I was closer you know I would take him and you in in a heartbeat. If Theres anything I can do, from way down here, please let me know. I really do mean it :)
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i can't beleive he is offering nee to people on the street. if i were anywhere near you i would help foster him for you till gramps cools down a bit. Headed to California anytime soon? maybe there is another BPO up in your neck of the woods that can help out.
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Sorry to hear this. Matt is right, he's looking for someone or something to blame and your pup seems to be it. Well, if you do #3, let me know, I'll contribute. I just really can't think of anythingelse other than move out.
Deena
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It's just so NOT fair for you to have to continue to have your heart broken! :'( I COMPLETELY understand about loving your Nee as much as any other member of your family (okay....more!! ;D) He is as much a part of you as your right ankle and to suggest you give that away is just inhumane! and to just anybody off the street??!!!
Of course your Grandpa is hurting! but so are you and it doesn't make it right to lash out! Maybe drag him to a grief counselor?
I agree...stay with Matt's mom until Gramps is gone, move back in and then make it your #1 goal to get out of there and on your own ASAP! There is such joy with independance!!!
Please know that if you need option #3....I'm there for you!
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Ang I am so sorry you are going through this :( Ben said you can move in with us LOL [and I think he was serious] If I was closer you know I would take him and you in in a heartbeat. If Theres anything I can do, from way down here, please let me know. I really do mean it :)
Thanks Hun. (Thought Ben said no more Danes :P ) I don't know what I'm going to do right now. I just keep getting knocked around, and to be honest it's REALLY starting to get me mad!
i can't beleive he is offering nee to people on the street. if i were anywhere near you i would help foster him for you till gramps cools down a bit. Headed to California anytime soon? maybe there is another BPO up in your neck of the woods that can help out.
Moni is holding him for a while. I'm going to pay her for his food and all that loverly stuff.
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I want to thank all of you. This is why I love you so much! You guys understand! :-* :-* :-*
It's been killing me to be without my baby for a week, I can't imagine life without him.
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Ang I am so sorry you are going through this :( Ben said you can move in with us LOL [and I think he was serious] If I was closer you know I would take him and you in in a heartbeat. If Theres anything I can do, from way down here, please let me know. I really do mean it :)
Thanks Hun. (Thought Ben said no more Danes :P ) I don't know what I'm going to do right now. I just keep getting knocked around, and to be honest it's REALLY starting to get me mad!
But you see Nee woundnt be my dane LOL But Seriously Ben said he is really sorry to hear all about this and we will help in any way possible. When he said you could come stay with us, I just turned to him and said " Why would I want a friend to live down here it sucks, I wouldnt wish my worst enemy living down here" LOL He was serious though, so just keep it in the back of your mind :) I am so happy Moni is going to keep him a little longer for you, she is a wonderful friend :)
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Uh... I'm in Nashville TN and we have been thinking about taking in a roommate and adopting a great dane... could this be fate? ;)
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Ang I am so sorry you are going through this :( Ben said you can move in with us LOL [and I think he was serious] If I was closer you know I would take him and you in in a heartbeat. If Theres anything I can do, from way down here, please let me know. I really do mean it :)
Thanks Hun. (Thought Ben said no more Danes :P ) I don't know what I'm going to do right now. I just keep getting knocked around, and to be honest it's REALLY starting to get me mad!
But you see Nee woundnt be my dane LOL But Seriously Ben said he is really sorry to hear all about this and we will help in any way possible. When he said you could come stay with us, I just turned to him and said " Why would I want a friend to live down here it sucks, I wouldnt wish my worst enemy living down here" LOL He was serious though, so just keep it in the back of your mind :) I am so happy Moni is going to keep him a little longer for you, she is a wonderful friend :)
Thanks sweety, and tell Ben thanks too. And Moni is fan friggin tastic! And I need to send her flowers and stuff :P
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OMG. I am soo sorry.
I feel that since most of us are into rescue, well hun, you need to be rescued!!! I will be happy to help you come up with some rent money. I wish I could offer you a place to stay but as you know I am over loaded right now. I would love to kick my son out for you and bring you in. but being a mom I can't.
Here is my email. I am serious about the rent money-
terribartos@yahoo.com
also I agree on getting nee back while your gramp's is gone, he miss's you.
good luck, please contact me.
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Matt's right. It sounds like your grandfather is lashing out at the people closest to him because he's p*ssed that your Fram died. Its not fair to you or your family, especially after having gone thru so much already. What would happen if you told him you were moving out with Sanity and you wouldn't be there to help out when he got back from FL? ??? Sometimes people say things before really thinking about the consequences later on down the road. I'm really sorry this is happening. If Moni needs a break, I think Boo and I are just over the border from her. I've been thinking about whether or not I could handle two Danes ;D (not that I'm thinking about another puppy or anything...... ....)
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I had a mother-in-law like that ONCE!
Sorry you have to deal with that and his anger. Hang in there.
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I know this probably just seems like idle words, but let us know what we can do to help. I can't believe you are having to go through this on top of everything else right now. My heart really goes out to you.
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Well, sweetie, that just sucks. I wish there was some way I could fly out there and rescue you...
I agree with the general consensus that your grandfather is in a lot of pain right now, and is lashing out, and doesn't really know what he is doing.
At least Nee has somewhere to stay for right now, and that buys you at least a little time... Maybe you can talk to your Grandfather again, once he has a clearer head, and really make him listen as you explain that not only is Nee your beloved companion, but also medically necessary to you. I think he probably really has no grasp of the commitment that you have to Nee. Plus, does your grandfather really want you to have to find another place to live, possible moving out of the area and severing ties with him? Maybe he doesn't understand that it might come down to that... After what he has been through with the loss of your grandmother, I can't imagine that he would want to "lose" you as well...
Otherwise, moving to Nashville sounds pretty good too... ;)
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First, let me say again how sorry I am that all this is coming down on you.
Second, a stroke is NOT caused by stress, it is caused by a loose blood clot, a MEDICAL CONDITION. For which neither you nor Nee have any responsibility .
Third, I think it is time for a family meeting. Include Gramdpa, and your holy sister, Mom and whoever else is primary. LAY DOWN THE LAW. They all are perfectly comfortable watching you give up your life, and Nee, to stay with an elderly relative and handle everything they do not want to be bothered with. Why not. They make no effort and are free to do whatever they want, while you take on everyone's burdens. Tell them the free ride is now at an end. You are tired of giving things up, and will NOT give up Nee. So either they make other arrangements for Grandpa (How about a nice nursing home--suggest that) and start giving up their lives to babysit him, or they leave you and Nee in peace. They may suddenly decide that Nee is far better with you.
If they choose not to support you, well, we had a collection here for the Katrina Disaster...Why not one for the Ang Disaster/apartment fund.
I'll contribute to that one.
It's time to stand up to them hun, and make some tough decisions.
Stella
PS_ No matter how much pain the old man is in, he has some nerve offering YOUR dog to strangers. Where he goes, if not staying with you, is up to you, not him. He has already done quite enough.
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My Dad kicked Rocco and I out after my Mom died using the excuse that Rocco was destroying his house. Really, do I seem like the type of person that would let my dogs destroy anything. Just give your Grandpa time, make sure Nee doesn't do anything disturctive, or even remotely annoying to him. Keep Nee out of his sight, out of his way, and then spend as much time as possible outside the house with Nee. Make comments about having to because you need to spend time with Nee since he means so much to you. Let your Gramdpa know how much Nee means to you.
If possible don't give up and move out right away. I made that move and my relationship with my father has never been the same. Granted it was never great but it is now worse.
Good luck and follow your heart but remember it is his home.
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I have already informed my mom that I'm not staying there without Nee. It's in the middle of nowhere and I dont' feel safe without him. She said "We'll see", I said there was no SEEING about it. If Nee goes, I go. The end.
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If they choose not to support you, well, we had a collection here for the Katrina Disaster...Why not one for the Ang Disaster/apartment fund.
I'll contribute to that one.
It's time to stand up to them hun, and make some tough decisions.
WELL DONE, Stella!!!
Yep! I'm standing right next to Stella on this....AngDis aster/ap't fund (ADFD ;D)
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I have already informed my mom that I'm not staying there without Nee. It's in the middle of nowhere and I dont' feel safe without him. She said "We'll see", I said there was no SEEING about it. If Nee goes, I go. The end.
Â
Sweetie, Nee is your service dog, right? Does that not mean that he is medically necessary for you? Does your family really want you to go without something that is a MEDICAL NECESSITY for you?Â
I might need to adopt you. It is technically possible that I could be your mother, if I had you kinda early...
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I have already informed my mom that I'm not staying there without Nee. It's in the middle of nowhere and I dont' feel safe without him. She said "We'll see", I said there was no SEEING about it. If Nee goes, I go. The end.
Â
Sweetie, Nee is your service dog, right? Does that not mean that he is medically necessary for you? Does your family really want you to go without something that is a MEDICAL NECESSITY for you?Â
I might need to adopt you. It is technically possible that I could be your mother, if I had you kinda early...
My family is of the mind that only blind people need service dogs. They would rather I be drugged up on Meds than use Nee as my alert and support dog.
I always knew you were my real mommy! :D
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Oh Ang! I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Maybe in time your gramps will calm down and look at things rationally. For right now though, i agree with keeping Sanity at Moni's and then figuring out what to do. Keep us updated ok and let us know if there is anything that we can do.
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Oh honey, I am so sorry. As if you hadn't been through enough lately, and now this. I agree with Stella 110%. I couldn't have said it any better myself. Until then, I think keeping Nee at Moni's until a decision is made is the best plan. (Moni - BTW...YOU ROCK!)
If you need anything at all, please let me know. I'm in NC, but luckily I got connections in the airline industry. :)
I'm thinking of you sweetie.
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Again I can't thank all of you enough for how awesome you're being. As for an Ang apartment fund, Katrina destroyed thousands of lives. This is just me! I'll figure something out, I always do, but your support is amazing as always!
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. But I really agree with Stella. It is time that you start thinking of you! You spend so much time thinking/taking care of everyone and put yourself last. Now it is time to put yourself first! Don't let anyone walk all over you hon, you are worth so much more than that. We all understand that Nee is a part of you, all our fur kids are. ANd none of us would give them up for anything. Stick to your guns, Nee stays and if they don't like that option then they will have to live with it. Good luck, and we are all here for you.
Nina
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This is just me! I'll figure something out,
And that's just one reason we love you. You just pull up your big girl panties and keep going. But I know we all mean it when we offer to help. All you have to do is ask! :)
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This is just me! I'll figure something out,
And that's just one reason we love you. You just pull up your big girl panties and keep going. But I know we all mean it when we offer to help. All you have to do is ask! :)
Yes my panties are quite big! (Thanks Mari I needed that. I laughed for like 5 minutes)
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:-[ thoughts are with you guys, when will ppl undertsand that our dogs are not just a hairy PET, they are a companion, in my case mine is my flat mate, and if he could drink beer, we would be at the pub all the time. >>>dogs causing stress<<< its i think medically proven that having a mate (PET) around actually reduces stress....
I think that your farther is just using your dog to take his mind of thinking about what has happend... wen we dont really undertsand why somtimes sad things happen, its always easy to pick somthing that is actually close to you to blame....
WE ALWAYS TAKE OUR ANGER OUT ON THOSE CLOSEST
good luck guys & #3 is good with me
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Ang, I am so sorry to hear all the sorrows you have to go through. I agree with everyone, your grandpa is hurting, most of us have lost someone extremely close and yes it hurts and yes you get angry and bitter, BUT you dont lash out and hurt the ones you love, they become even more important to you.
I dont know when your grandpa is going to Florida, but if it is not too long until then, I would arrange for Nee to be somewhere, maybe stay with Moni (Moni you are a real sweetheart) until he is gone, then stay in that house for awhile WITH Nee. And that should give you time to get somewhere to live. I am ALL FOR the idea with an Ang./Nee fund raising.
And dont say Katrina destroyed for lots of people and this is only you. Everyone in Katrina was an individual catastrophy. So your catastrophy isnt one bit less heart breaking. You love dogs, would you only help the ones who came in a bunch or would you rescue even the single one dog? yup thought so lol..... So there goes your "one one" theory ;)
And grumpy, I want to adopt too, AND not that I know how old you are Ang. but I am sure I didnt even have to be very young when I had you hahahahaha.
Grumpy.... you cant have all the fun, maybe we can split her? ;D or do one week each lol.
Hang in there hun, and I think the fund for nee's mom is a wonderful idea, and will totally contribute to that one.
Hugs
Marit
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Marit...you are the best! you put things so well!!! I think you blew her one one theory! Good job ;D
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Well, I'd prefer to send a check, I don't want to see pay pal get a cut. So if you could pm me where to send, I'd appreciate it.
Please tell Ang not to feel bad about people wanting to contribute. She can always think of it as an interest fee loan, to only be paid back if she can. No one would expect payback, we, or at least I, view it as a gift to her. She can repay us by doing the same for someone else someday.
Deena
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I'd rather send a check too. Please email me back.
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Terri you have Mail!
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Okay so for someone who didnt even know that paypal is getting a cut. How big is it? Is it like the credit cards?
Marit
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Just cause I'm a big ol' ball of cluelessness this morning, where is the paypal thingy going to be located?
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I would be happy to send some financial help...Is there a link that can be posted for the PayPal account?...Hang in there Ang!! :) :-*
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too complacated for me. I just stuck a check in the mail.
Ang you should get it before the end of the week.
Let us know if you find a place for you and your pup soon. I am praying for you.
Terri
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I just want to thank all of you who have sent stuff. It sounds cheesy but there really is no way to thank you as much as you deserve it. BPO is an amazing place full of amazing people, and I really don't deserve you.
Ang
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My grandfather informed me that I wasn't helping him out at all by watching the house while he was gone (Even though I was asked to a while ago). If I'm not there he doesn't have to pay to heat the house, electricity, ect. So it looks like I'm moving next month! :) Mid February approximately. I'm so excited and can't thank all of you enough for your support!
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That's great news! I think we'll all be so relieved to have you out and on your own! YIPPPEEEE!!!
Now. It's time to tell more stories!!!
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That's great Ang!!! I'm sure you'll love your new place!
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YAY!!! So happy for you ;D Where's the new place?
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YAY!!! So happy for you ;D Where's the new place?
New place is less than 10 minutes from my work, closer to my boy toy, and only 1 1/2 miles away from our doggy training center. Not to mention across the street there's a 35 acre conservation preserve, in addition to the 5 acres of property. It's in Amherst, NH (For all you stalkers that wanna come get me).
And I agree Mari. Time for more stories!
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WOOOHOOO for you I am so happy that everything is working out for you and Nee ;D
Nina
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OK, I'm going in tomorrow to sign the paperwork! I should be moving in February 21st! Love you all!
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YAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAY! ANG!
That so rocks. I'm very happy that its all come together!!!!