Big Paws Only Dog Forums

Got this in my e-mail today. It made me laugh out loud...

THE LESSER KNOWN COMMANDS
>
> Obedience training provides a wealth of information on the basic
> commands used to guide canine behavior. We all learn "sit" and "stay"
> and "down". But, as time goes on, you begin to make your own....
>
>
> "DON'T"
> For those of us who follow the "close enough is good enough" school
> of dog training, this command is indispensable. You can use it with
> any command, for example; "sit, sit, SIT, I SAID SIT ... or don't".
> Use of the powerful "or don't" command ensures that your dog is
> always following your orders - one way or the other.
>
> "SETTLE DOWN"
> Means stop whatever you're doing and do something - anything - else.
> this actually works. I have no idea how. The trick is to use it until
> the dog accidentally complies and then praise him for hours.
>
> "WHAT??"
> Means don't even think about growling/nipping/ignoring my commands!
> Do you think I'm STUPID? Do you think you're IN CHARGE? Do you
> suppose for one moment that you are not CANINE SCUM? For uppity dog
> behavior. Best used with a menacing voice and an alpha roll for
> emphasis.
>
> "IN YOUR DREAMS."
> A milder variation of the popular "WHAT??" command. For use when the
> dog is merely contemplating an evil deed.
>
> "SCOOT! or MOVE IT!"
> Move your body to anyplace other than where you are now
> standing/sitting. Strangely enough all dog learn this one quite
> easily. When they move, you shut up.
>
> "NO HUMPING!"
> Good for girl and boy dogs. Discourages unsightly and comical
> mounting of animate and inanimate objects. A variation which always
> makes the neighbors peek - "No humping your brother!"
>
> "STAY! FOR ALL ETERNITY!!"
> When stay is not enough. Like when the dishwasher is being loaded and
> your dog is sure you really do need help pre-washing the plates.
>
> "RIGHT NOW!" All marginally trained dogs need this command. It means
> you really, really, really would like them to comply - this time. As
> in: "Get in here, right NOW!"
>
> "I MEAN IT!"
> A variation on the Right NOW theme borrowed from those who have human
> children.
>
> GET OUTTA THERE! Trash / toilet / another dog's dish / a guest's
> crotch. A nice all-purpose command.
>
> "UPSTAIRS/DOWNSTAIRS"
> Dominant dogs will rush ahead - and trip you. Submissive dogs will
> pause on the steps to let you pass - and trip you. Uncertain dogs will
> heel all the way down - and trip you nonetheless. If you make them go
> up or down ahead of you, you have a fighting chance.
>
> "DON'T PEE ON THAT!"
> For some reason this command is always spoken too late.
>
> "WHO FARTED?" A futile command that elicits a benign, clueless
> expression.

I've come to realize in the last few days that my 12 year old collie/golden retriever mix, Oasis can't hear anymore. He's been kind of spacey lately and I attributed that to senility setting in, and every once in a great while he will have some incontinent problems, but the last couple days, he doesn't come when I call and yesterday my husband forgot his key to the front door so he had to sneak in through the garage - not an easy task if could see all the junk in our garage. He said when he finally got in the door, Oasis was staring into the front room towards the front door and didn't even realize he had just walked into the kitchen.

It's sad for me. I've had him the longest of all my dogs. I got him from someone who had rescued him from an abusive situation when he was just a few months old. Oasis and I have been through a lot together - even moving from South Dakota to Texas to Louisiana together. He has made friends everywhere he went - from the 80 year old "Uncle Gus" at our apartment in Houston who used to throw malted milk balls up to him as he sat on our balcony to a little white dog who would come paw at the door to our apartment to play with Oasis when we first moved to Louisiana and now all the kids in our neighborhood who knock on our door and ask, "can Oasis come out and play."

Now, day to day, I can see him winding down toward his final time with me here on earth. No matter how I try to prepare myself, it's not going to be easy.

Please look at this gorgeous little girl that is at the Houma, LA shelter. This shelter euthanizes twice a week because they are so overcrowded - especially now that spring has sprung. She may only have until next Friday to be saved. The Humane Society of Houma-Terrebonne (not the same unit as the shelter, but we work closely with them) will help transport anywhere she can be saved.

She MUST get spayed!!  To adopt straight from the shelter call 985-873-6709. If you are a rescue organization who can place her in a foster home, they will release her for free. All adoptive homes must pay a small adoption fee (really, it's ridiculously small).

For more info., feel free to e-mail me at houmahumane@yahoo.com or call me at 985-851-4740 or 985-870-0634.

Thanks!
Jeanne