sorry for the lack of 'radio contact'... anyway, my parents took my dog to the vet and the vet said he needs to be operated for prostate problems, but it's risky, cos of his age... my parents said 'go ahead', and he did... only that my dog didn't go ahead from that moment on: he passed away minutes later, under anesthetic, leaving us all in shock... a part of our life died with him, a beautiful part... the consolation is that, should he have lived even a year longer with that problem. operated or not, he would have suffered incredible pain and we would have gone through h*ll watching him...
now he's buried in our garden, where he loved to play and run, and we try to cope with the loss... my entire family cries every time they see a toy, a picture, every time breakfast hour comes and he's not around... how do you get over the death of your best friend, a member of your family ? what helps ? what to do, what to think of ?
i thought of starting a diary and record my memories of him, in order not to ever forget him... who's to tell i'll always remember everything about this extraordinary experience and about the wonderful things he gave me (pure love, understanding, patience, happy moments, fun, friendship and security), no ? and that's something i should never allow time to make me forget, it wouldn't be fair... yes, i would like to get over the pain i'm going through every time i think of his physical disappearance, i would love to start thinking of him only as a little angel waiting for me to join him one day, but i can't risk 'time healing my wounds' also meaning forgetting my feelings for him or forgetting this part of my life...
i don't know how many of you feel about their dogs the way i do, i know it seems exaggerated to normal people (those without pets), so i'm not sure i'll be understood... but, in case there's at least one other person dealing with the same loss and trying to find answers, maybe talking about it helps... or not... but it's worth a try...
going even further with my meditations, i had a thought, and i must say that it's comforting... if you're religious, it's not hard to believe it: think about what God wants from people, He wants us to love him, not to do things mecanically or out of fear, no ? but how can you love someone or something you can never see or touch ? therefore, we have objects that are God's creations, things that we can love, things that give us a tiny idea of how great and good and beautiful God is... well, one of those things is my dog, everybody's dogs or cats or whatever... after they pass away, we continue to love them (at least i hope i always will), so we end up loving something that we can no longer touch or see, maybe learning to love God... it could be a lesson for us, something to help us be like God wants us to be... we are given all the means, all we have to do is use them and fulfill our purpose on earth... and maybe, once we learn what we are supposed to do and comply, we are rewarded with the gift of being reunited with those we love, in a Paradise that, as i imagine it, resembles that in 'what dreams may come', with robin williams (boring to see, but brilliant idea for a script: the entire family, dog included, meet again after death, they live together in a house, in the middle of nature, just like on earth, only without all the bad things exist on earth, without death and so on)...
anyway, silly as it may seem to some, this idea helps me, the thought of my dog being happy now, playing in a field and waiting for me makes me have a purpose in life: no matter what i do, i should never blow my chances to see him again, i should always focus on deserving this gift... maybe one day, as sad as this may sound, he will be joined by other of my beloved family members, so my desire to join them will become even greater, but i hope it will happen one day, so i keep going... and keep him in my life as always, not even talking about him in the past, cos he's very much alive in my heart... and he's alive for ever too, in a place where death doesn't exist anymore... just far away from this place... still far away from my reach... i wish i could hold him again, this is why i cry a lot, but one day i will get over this physical aspect and start thinking of him in other terms: he's a little angel who was called home... who am i to object to that ?
