sad

[moonlight]

hello, i first posted my messages on the general forum, but i feel better here... i just needed to write, sometimes i wake up in panic, thinking i can't possibly handle things, at other times i wake up thinking 'but what am i doing ? why am i sad ? it didn't even happen, it's just an impression, my dog is still at home'... anyway, thinking of him or not thinking at anything at all (when i go out with friends or am busy with something), i can't stop sighing every hour or so, as if my heart were heavy under a huge load or something, pressing against my chest...

[Softhug]

I'm sorry things are so rough right now.  You have found a great place in BPO.  You can write and write, pour out your heart and there are ALWAYS wonderful people here to listen and many know exactly what you are going thru. {{HUGS}} 

[moonlight]

reading the stories of other people, i felt lucky (one good thing in this heartbreaking experience), cos my poochoo passed away in his sleep, without me having to see him sick or suffering, without me having to take hard decisions,while many others had to go through all this, only to suffer at the end the huge loss that leaves a permanent void inside your heart...

i have no right to find comfort in this thought, therefore my only reaction is to apologise to all who suffered more than me and who are, maybe, stronger than me in getting over all this... my respect goes to you all...

[doggylover]

I don't know you and I'm not familiar with what happened?  How long ago did you lose your Poochoo?  I'm so sorry you are struggling right now.  What was wrong with your fur baby?  You can talk to us, we are very supportive here.   

[Saint and Mal mom]

I'm very sorry for your loss. These dogs really do become our best friends. It's so hard to say good bye. It's hard to get over it, even with time. You don't have to forget about him either. It may hurt to think about him since he's not here with you, but you are cherishing him when you think about him. And it's okay to cry because you miss him. We are here for you.

[DixieSugarBear]

I am very sorry for your loss. It does not make the loss for you any less just because it was a during his sleep. A part of you is now missing and it hurts. We are here tells those funny, sad, and crazy tales about your fur-baby.

Lisa

[moonlight]

for those who don't know me, i was the proud owner of a german shepherd, who died last monday at 12 p.m., because he was 12 years old (well, technically, in october) and he had started to develop a lot of problems, so we took him to the vet and, despite being warned that he was too old to survive a serious operation (something with the prostate), we tried it, but he died within a few minutes from the anesthetic, because his heart simply stopped... i was left with a six year old border collie, who is mourning as well as us, eats very little, cries constantly, sits in the exact spots where my poochoo used to (his name is not poochoo, that's just a nickname i give to all creatures i love, including my husband, hehe... his name is KID, my collie is TEDDY-BEAR... my nickname is  LIU, i'm 28)... i have lots of stories to tell, but it's too soon, the moment i start to talk about him, i get sad and cry, so it'll take time to find the right moment and disposition... maybe tomorrow, i don't know... i kind of have to do it in secret, too, cos my husband thinks i'm only prolonging my suffering and delaying a closure by writing on this site or writing in a diary (that's what i was planning to do) or watching his pictures, cos like this i'll never get over the loss... i think he's wrong, but he's worried what kind of mother i'll be if i'm depressed all the time, so i understand him too (next year we're thinking of having a baby)...

[navarre1316]

It's been two months since I lost my GSD and I will still cry when I look at his pictures.  Tell your collie to bite your husband in the butt!!   Time and more time will make it a little bareable, but it will never go away.

[doggylover]

i think he's wrong, but he's worried what kind of mother i'll be if i'm depressed all the time, so i understand him too (next year we're thinking of having a baby)...

That is a bad situation.  Nobody gets to decide for anybody else how they should grieve.  If you sob around the clock for a year, so be it.  I am censoring myself a LOT here, because this sounds VERY wrong to me. 
I'm so sorry you are going through all this.  You can PM me if you would like to chat.
Ronda

[moonlight]

i feel i wasn't fair with my husband's presentation, he's not the bad guy here... he is just a 'normal' person (meaning, he never had pets), and he never lived with mine either, cos i moved with him 3 years ago (to another country, no less !!!), after living with my parents and my dogs for my entire life... however, i kept visiting my dog every 3 months, so it wasn't extremely painful, so to say, even if it was hard enough to have to leave him (my dog, i mean) all the time...

anyway, my husband started to 'denormalize' (hehe) under my influence, he watches 'animal planet', notices animals in the street (for example, birds that fly too low and get killed by cars, cos they end up under the tyres, well, he saves them, by slowing down, while before me he never used to notice such stuff), he wanted a dog one day (when we would have a house with a yard), and i say 'wanted' because lately he's changed his mind, saying that i can't handle losing pets (which seems true)... however, i'm pretty sure that he would feel the same if he had lived even 3-4 years with a dog or something, especially since i've made him more sensitive to this in the last 3 years... but now i understand him, cos he speaks without knowing how it really feels... anyway, he's also scared at the thought that i might be too depressed even after having a baby, which would make the baby (an innocent creature) miserable... i don't know what to answer to this, i wonder myself what will happen, all i can do is hope that i won't hurt anybody (he says i already do that, cos he suffers every time i cry, every time i go to the park and get lost in a world of my own, a world of memories, every time that we go out with friends and i suddenly become silent and uninterested, not cos he's selfish and wants attention, but cos he's scared i might lose it and remain in that world of mine)...

i'm not trying to defend him, but i do love him immensely and he deserves to be treated as a good person, not as an enemy, cos he's trying to deal with my being like this all of a sudden, just as i'm trying to deal with my sudden loss... everything happened too quickly, for both of us... the first few days, he tried to comfort me, hugging me and explaining why beings have to die, why i should be happy it happened now and not later, why i should be optimistic and so on, but on friday he tried the 'shock therapy' (a very poor idea, as i told him later, when i calmed down), telling me that if i don't snap out of it i'll ruin my health and my life, leaving him in the helpless state of watching me suffering... he said my dog would definitely not want me to do this, and i know he's right, but i told him it's too soon for me to behave otherwise, cos a week of grieving is not a big deal, it doesn't do much for a broken heart... anyway, now we are ok, i explained to him that he needs to leave me alone in my world, just to be there in case i need support, and he agreed, as long as he won't have to say one day 'i told you so !', as long as i do make progress towards recovery... we will see, i guess...

however, in august we are at the seaside, i won't have any internet, i won't be able to speak with my mom much, so it'll be extremely hard for me, cos only my family (my mom, especially, being the second mother my dog had, after i moved away from home) and the people on this forum can understand me and not try to 'help' me get over my loss too soon...

i wonder, though, can a baby fill in the void ? can it make me see life as beautiful as i saw it when i had my dog near me ? he'd better, otherwise i may be committing the sin of putting an animal on a higher level than a baby... anyway, my dog will always have a special place in my heart, baby or no baby... at least, i hope so... 

[moonlight]

yesterday i went on a beach with friends and i could get out of my usual mood for a while... i was even amused a lot, when i saw a german shepherd with an old guy, who was very proud of it (aren't we all ?!) and who decided to give us a free show, seeing we were admiring his poochoo from the distance: he asked the dog to sit at 500 m from the water and he went for a swim, planning to call the dog only when he gets in the water... the dog, however, smart as it was, had other plans: when the guy was heading towards the water, it kept cheating on the distance, by walking a few meters, then sitting again, and so on, so that, every time the guy turned to check on it, it was sitting, but closer and closer to the water... it seemed to have a weird sense of when the guy would turn his head, cos every time it happened, it was sitting again !

anyway, the guy turned when he got in the water, and realised he was cheated on, cos the dog was now a few meters from him, hehe, so he took it back and asked it to sit again, in the same spot as before... well, and here you can see the genius, the dog did exactly the same thing as before, but moving each time only a few inches, not ten paces at once, as it had done the first time... like this, it had got closer to the water, by the time the guy turned his head, but it wasn't obvious anymore, cos he was no longer a few meters from his master, but had covered at least half the way, which was a victory for the dog, especially since the master praised it for being obedient and for not having moved at all, hehe !!! lesson to all humans: do not underestimate ur canine, it's as clever as you, if not more ! i admit, my poochoo did exactly the same with the cheating on 'halt', and my friends had a good laugh whenever i wanted to prove how trained he was, i took him to the park and i asked my friends to watch from the distance... so, i think it's a pattern, at least in german shepherds, hehe, do you recognize it in your dog too ? i'd love to hear stories...

[Gypsy Jazmine]

i feel i wasn't fair with my husband's presentation, he's not the bad guy here... he is just a 'normal' person (meaning, he never had pets), and he never lived with mine either, cos i moved with him 3 years ago (to another country, no less !!!), after living with my parents and my dogs for my entire life... however, i kept visiting my dog every 3 months, so it wasn't extremely painful, so to say, even if it was hard enough to have to leave him (my dog, i mean) all the time...

anyway, my husband started to 'denormalize' (hehe) under my influence, he watches 'animal planet', notices animals in the street (for example, birds that fly too low and get killed by cars, cos they end up under the tyres, well, he saves them, by slowing down, while before me he never used to notice such stuff), he wanted a dog one day (when we would have a house with a yard), and i say 'wanted' because lately he's changed his mind, saying that i can't handle losing pets (which seems true)... however, i'm pretty sure that he would feel the same if he had lived even 3-4 years with a dog or something, especially since i've made him more sensitive to this in the last 3 years... but now i understand him, cos he speaks without knowing how it really feels... anyway, he's also scared at the thought that i might be too depressed even after having a baby, which would make the baby (an innocent creature) miserable... i don't know what to answer to this, i wonder myself what will happen, all i can do is hope that i won't hurt anybody (he says i already do that, cos he suffers every time i cry, every time i go to the park and get lost in a world of my own, a world of memories, every time that we go out with friends and i suddenly become silent and uninterested, not cos he's selfish and wants attention, but cos he's scared i might lose it and remain in that world of mine)...

i'm not trying to defend him, but i do love him immensely and he deserves to be treated as a good person, not as an enemy, cos he's trying to deal with my being like this all of a sudden, just as i'm trying to deal with my sudden loss... everything happened too quickly, for both of us... the first few days, he tried to comfort me, hugging me and explaining why beings have to die, why i should be happy it happened now and not later, why i should be optimistic and so on, but on friday he tried the 'shock therapy' (a very poor idea, as i told him later, when i calmed down), telling me that if i don't snap out of it i'll ruin my health and my life, leaving him in the helpless state of watching me suffering... he said my dog would definitely not want me to do this, and i know he's right, but i told him it's too soon for me to behave otherwise, cos a week of grieving is not a big deal, it doesn't do much for a broken heart... anyway, now we are ok, i explained to him that he needs to leave me alone in my world, just to be there in case i need support, and he agreed, as long as he won't have to say one day 'i told you so !', as long as i do make progress towards recovery... we will see, i guess...

however, in august we are at the seaside, i won't have any internet, i won't be able to speak with my mom much, so it'll be extremely hard for me, cos only my family (my mom, especially, being the second mother my dog had, after i moved away from home) and the people on this forum can understand me and not try to 'help' me get over my loss too soon...

i wonder, though, can a baby fill in the void ? can it make me see life as beautiful as i saw it when i had my dog near me ? he'd better, otherwise i may be committing the sin of putting an animal on a higher level than a baby... anyway, my dog will always have a special place in my heart, baby or no baby... at least, i hope so... 

I think alot of men have a hard time dealing with it when their loved ones are grieving...The y'd just as soon not have to deal with it...wouldn't we all? & then to have a hubby who never got to know or love an animal...He just doesn't understand but it sounds like you are on the right path for "denormalizing" him. Now you can't replace any dog with a baby for that reason so you feel better...You can't even replace a dog with a dog to make you feel better...& if you truely want a baby to add to or complete your family then no need to worry...You will love that skin kid like no other...Just hang in there & grieve in your own time & your own way...Someday you should be able to smile more than you cry when you think of Kid...God bless you in your time of grief & uncertainty.

[newflvr]

i wonder, though, can a baby fill in the void ? can it make me see life as beautiful as i saw it when i had my dog near me ? he'd better, otherwise i may be committing the sin of putting an animal on a higher level than a baby... anyway, my dog will always have a special place in my heart, baby or no baby... at least, i hope so...

In the comparison between a dog and a baby, there really isn't one at all, in MHO.  In loving a dog, for me, it is without any holding back. It's complete and unconditional.  I don't worry about spoiling them because I'm the only one who will have to deal with the repercussions of a spoiled dog.  It is ALL fun. 

With a child, you MUST be more responsible.  To spoil a child is the greatest unkindness short of abuse.  The world does not deal kindly with a child who is demanding, rude, unkind.  You must prepare a child to stand on his own, deal with other people, have values that will last long after the parents have died.  You must prepare to be hated at times.   I think the comparsion of a child and a dog is the same as comparing a vacation to working full time...24 - 7.  A child will not replace a dog nor vice versa.  After having raised 4 kids, I now have the time and leisure to devote to my dogs that I could never have done while all the kids were home.  They often remark that I love the dogs more than them.  That's NOT true, but I could never treat them 'like a dog'.  It would have kept them from being the fine young people that they are now.  And I feel that the goal in raising a child is to have him leave you, as a self-supporting adult.  That is not an option with a dog!!

I understand the sadness you feel over losing your dog, and the difficulty for your husband to understand why 'you just don't get over it'.  It will take time and things will snap back in to focus over time.  But to try to rush the process is next to impossible.  You will feel better but only when you are ready to feel better!

And yes, by all means, get another dog.  It's a great training tool for your husband to get used to loving something small and helpless who needs his devotion!!