Grief, Beacons, and Poems

[cataria]

I am still having problems here folks.  I've had a headache since Tuesday night and I'm trying to function but sometimes it's really hard.  Good boyfriend is giving me some space to grieve, which I appreciate. I'm taking Bella with me to the barn to feed horses, which she enjoys...Both girls used to go, but when Shade could no longer get in the truck to go, I quit taking them.  I wouldn't do with Bella and leave Shade behind.  Sometimes I feel like I haven't done Bella justice all these years, always keeping her "second."  But as Heather (Navarre) said, it did help the recognition of Shade's position as alpha dog in the household. Bella goes down the ramp, turns and sits and looks at the door.  I tell her the old lady isn't here, and it breaks my heart.  My vet says that Bella will figure it out.  I was concerned that because of the stress, she would have a demodectic outbreak.  He said that unlike other breeds, Dobie's are "people" dogs and while she will miss her companion, it wasn't about Shade, that I am her beacon.  I liked that phrase...I am her beacon.  It's just my light isn't shining very bright right now. 

My family and friends are sending their favorite Shade memories.  Some are hilarious.  My niece wrote a poem and sent me a plant. Heather also sent me a poem.   

Poem from my Niece:

I am her with you -
In the receses of your thoughts -
In the remnants of my being -
Left in our house.

In the night sound -
Like me breathing in my bed -
In the warm night wind -
Like my breath before a kiss -

And in that sparkling place -
At the front of your heart -
I am here for you -
Never leaving -
Until you join me on the Rainbow Bridge.

----------------------------------------------------

Author Unknown. Heather (Navarre) sent me this, which is comforting.
 
You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing,
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic,
That will once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.

That strength is why I've cared for you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years ...
My partner till the end.

Please, understand just what this gift
You're giving means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run.
Once more strong and steady now,
My pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.

I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll play,
... free and happy once again.

[navarre1316]

the poem I sent you I got from one of the threads on here!  It hasn't even been a week, mama, you had Shade (in your words) "longer than any man's been in my life!"  give yourself a break!