Author Topic: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP  (Read 6506 times)

Offline mastiffmommy

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TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« on: June 29, 2005, 12:37:36 am »
Well after reading and posting in gyps.... thread I thought I would cheer up a little with a few jokes.

WHAT IS THE THINNEST BOOK IN THE WORLD?
What men know about women.

HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
One.... Men will screw anything.

HOW DOES A MAN TAKE A BUBBLE BATH?
He eats beans for dinner.

WHAT'S MANS IDEA OF FOREPLAY?
A half hour of begging.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND GOVERNMENT BONDS?
Bonds mature.

HOW DO YOU SAVE A MAN FROM DROWNING?
Take your foot off his head.

WHAT DO MEN AND BEER BOTTLES HAVE IN COMMON?
They are both empty from the neck up.

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A MAN IS HAPPY?
Who cares.

HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?
We don't know..... It's never been done.

HOW ARE MEN AND PARKING SPOTS ALIKE?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.

WHAT'S A MANS IDEA OF HELPING WITH THE HOUSEWORK?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND E.T?
E.T phoned home.



Marit
what the lion is to a cat, the mastiff is to a dog

Offline coonie1970

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2005, 06:18:56 am »
I have one to. Heheheeeeee!!
Thanks Marit.
Measurement

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks
over at his wife and says: "Your bum is getting really big, I mean really
big. I bet your bum is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and
then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

Yes, I was right, your bum is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.  He makes
some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-a#@ grill for one little weenie?"
 
 Coonie
« Last Edit: June 29, 2005, 11:24:47 pm by jabear »
Karen :) Image hosting by Photobucket

Offline coonie1970

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2005, 06:42:24 am »
SORRY I had to add this one too.  ;D

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under
your vehicle. From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story
of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have
their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to
carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The
wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
 
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from
under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of
underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
 
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into
place.
 
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself
staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic,
however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
HEHEHE
Coonie
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Offline coonie1970

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2005, 08:27:25 am »
HEHEHEEE I did the same. Didnt expect the ending. ::)  ;D
Coonie
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Offline NatsaintB

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2005, 09:26:06 am »
Oh Coonie that last one made me almost wet myself!  I had to send it to my FIL!  He's always telling me dirty jokes and I know he'll love that one!  Anyone have anymore?

GYPSY JAZMINE

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2005, 09:45:31 am »
HE-HE!...Love the jokes! ;D

Offline coonie1970

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2005, 12:02:18 pm »
Oh no. I hope they dont sound like dirty jokes?? Hope they dont offend anyone. I have more somewere Ill go look for some clean ones.  :-\
Coonie
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Offline gerry

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2005, 07:43:08 pm »
That not fair!!  Not offended jsut not right. 

Have fuin with it.

Offline mastiffmommy

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #8 on: June 29, 2005, 10:15:32 pm »
Coonie I was laughing sooooo hard I actually think I did pee myself (you know age and problem with bladder control hehe)

I love jokes like that, hmmmm wonder why no guys seem to post on this thread lol...... I know they have women bashing ones. I hear enough of them from hubby and his friends.  ;D

Marit
what the lion is to a cat, the mastiff is to a dog

Offline jabear

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #9 on: June 29, 2005, 11:26:33 pm »
Thanks for the laughs Marit and Coonie. They are freakin hillarious!
Hugs,
Jaime
  Mom to one handsome black Bear.

Offline mastiffmommy

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2005, 01:01:57 am »
I am in that kind of a mood, so Ill add some more

TOP TEN REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless
 9. A better model is always just around the corner
 8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home
 7. It is always necessary to have a backup
 6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons
 5. The best part of having one is the games you can play
 4. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on
 3. The lights are on but nobody's home
 2. Big power surges knocks them out for the night
 1. Size does matter

Dang...... I just cant stop myself here hehe

why does a penis have a hole in the end?
So men can be open minded

What is the difference between a G-spot and a golfball?
A guy will actually search for a golfball

Why do men name their penises?
Because their mother told them not to play with strangers

On the second day God says to Adam, "I have some good news..... and some bad news"
Adam responds, well tell me the good news first
Alright my son, the good news is I will give you both a brain and a penis
The bad news is, I am only going to give you enough blood to run one at a time.


Well I could go on and on here but for some reason they tend to get a bit naughty after the first few.

Marit
what the lion is to a cat, the mastiff is to a dog

Offline slickerk

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Re: TO CHEER ALL LADIES UP
« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2005, 01:25:33 am »
oh goodness.... your killing me here. Thanks for the laugh!