Author Topic: I'm so upset (long and whiney)  (Read 5051 times)

Offline aggghgmom

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I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« on: December 06, 2006, 06:51:32 pm »
Most of you know that I have been after my hubby for a second dog...actually a mastiff.  He is holding his ground and sticking with no.  It finally occured to me last night that not only will I not get a mastiff I will be getting no more dogs :'(.

While my hubby told me he liked dogs; I have finally figured it out; he likes other peoples dogs. 

He also isn't fond of Harley, our last dog Stoli he picked and they were very close, Stoli also wasn't the most behaved dog but we didn't have children at the time so she came everywhere with us (we also lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone and she was allowed on golf courses, bars etc).  When Stoli passed he wanted another Springer Spaniel and I wanted Harley, so since he picked Stoli I figured it was my turn and that he would learn to love him....didn't happen.

Let me also say that Harley doesn't listen at all.  He has been to 2 or 3 different obiedience schools and went to a private trainer (he listens very well to HER).  I know I'm not the best trainer but I also have 2 very active kids and just thought his personality was adorable so he doesn't bother me the way he bothers hubby.

I have thought this over so many times but last night it finally hit me this is my last dog and if I could find him a better home than mine I might have to give him up (no I'm not looking).  I just feel badly that I'm the only one that loves him unconditionall y the way he should be loved; the kids (*8 & 14) like him when it is convenient.  I can't recall hubby every sitting around and petting him; or throwing the ball or playing with him.  Harley also whines when I am out of sight, but I wouldn't be out of sight so much if he were allowed upstairs, but he isn't.

I feel like the joy of having a dog has left me.  My hubby asked why I was crying this morning; I didn't want to tell him but finally did - he of course thought it was the most ridiculous reason to be so upset.  I know when Harley's time comes I will be dogless or hubby will feel bad and get me another dog that he won't acknowledge.  I want to you know that he isn't mean to Harley doesn't hit him or anything but he just isn't nice, I feel badly for Harley :-\, he deserves better.

Sorry this is so long but family and friends will think I'm nuts for being so distraught over this.

Randy

Offline LibbyP

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2006, 07:52:09 pm »
I just wanted to tell you, you are not alone. I don't think I will be able to have another dog as well after these ones go. Hubby has grown to like them but doesn't love them like I do. Hoover has grown really old this past year, lumpy old man kinda, eyes are going, hearing going, he's lost most of the time in our own home  :'( well he is 13 now!. Don't even get me started on Libby, she has slingers from here to the USA, but that's not the part that gets him, if anything changes in the home, ie: Christmas tree going up, she poops overnight, if I go away for acouple days she poops and that drives him(and me crazy).If he actually knew how many times she has done this I don't think she'd still be here. Hubby doesn't want a tiny paw(not a mans) but he doesn't want the hassle that goes along with a big paw either, and he likes dogs. So like you I am worried about when we are dog less what will happen, will we become cat people(nothing wrong with that we have 2 already) I'll just miss having a dog. What if you go and pick out a dog as a family next time (as a family ~ everyone has a say) Sure it may not be the breed of dog you'd like/really want(ie: mastiff(by the way in MHO ~ RULE  ;D), but at least this way you'll have a dog and YOU will ALL love it?
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. ~ Will Rogers

mama to ~Libby 6.5yr E.Mastiff
         Stormy 2yr Boston Terrier
         RIP my sweet 'old man' Hoover (1993-2007)

Nicole

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2006, 08:11:49 pm »
ohhhhh, I can relate to this! Cabeza is like...Mark's third arm. They are one another's shadows. Of course, Cabeza loves us all, and I get special treatment cuz I do the feeding, grooming, walking, etc. However, Cabeza and Mark go everywhere together. That's OK with me, but I would like a dog of my own, too. haha...and, I know that Cabeza enjoys the company of another dog here during the day. Provided that dog has the same personality as he does, that is.

I mean, I just want a second dog. (Not a third, fourth, fifth, which is what he thinks) And, I don't understand why his preferences have to trump mine. I just signed up to do Newf fostering, and we're getting a Newf girl this weekend. I told him, thinking he'd be stoked, (he loves Newfs and actually at one point said, "Can we just only do Newf fostering from now on?") and he told me that he was upset that I would do this and that the answer is "no". UGH.

Anyway, I hear ya. Maybe Libby's advice would work as far as picking out the next one with the whole family? Who knows. At some point, I decided that I'm going to do whatever I want, and that he will have to leave me if he doesn't like it. I realize that doesn't create harmony, but I also have decided that it not solely my responsible to ensure that harmony exists. He plays a part, too.

Anakalia

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2006, 09:53:27 pm »
I can sooo relate to this!!  If you ask Tony if he likes animals he says "Yes, I like OTHER peoples animals".  He just doesn't like them living in HIS house.  He does play with Koby and gives him tons of attention, talks to his friends like Koby's the coolest dog out there and he's even said once that Koby's the best dog he's ever been around ( really think he likes him), but he never lets me forget Koby is MY dog when it's time to pick up poo or if Koby pukes in the house, it's an automatic arguement, and he never forgets to threaten that I will never get to have another dog after Koby.  I have to laugh at this because, it's my life too.  If I want a dog, well I will always have a dog, no one can tell me what I can and can't do I'm an adult.  Tony gets to do all the things that interest him, animals interest me so whats the difference?  I think there's time when you're so passionate about something you have to put your foot down. 

Offline Kermit

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2006, 10:11:27 pm »
Randy I am so sorry you are faced with this issue. I can't imagine feeling like I had to give up something so important for me in order to please someone else. :-[ At this point I realize how lucky I am to live with Will, who also has a passion for dogs.

Honestly, if it ever came down to it, I might have to choose a life with dogs over anything else. I am like others here. Dogs are what makes me happy. I will never be without dogs. And if someone in my life has a problem with that, too bad for them. LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOGS. ;)

I hope you get your mastiff someday. ;) ;D

Offline longshadowfarms

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2006, 10:54:51 pm »
Wow!  That's certainly a load.  I confess up front that this might not be an easy post so... 

In some respects, I have no clue.  My DH LOVES dogs and would have 50 if we could.  That said, he does not understand my love for Pyrs.  He was much more attached to Katie than he is to Carter, though he's getting a little better about that.  I think a lot of it for him is that he's afraid to get close to Carter.  We lost our first Pyr to aggression issues, the second to autoimmune problems.  I think he is afraid to get attached and then have something happen.  He is, however, supportive of me and will let me have any dog I want, even if it isn't his choice. 

That said, I'm careful not to abuse that.  If I have problems with my choice (like Katie) he has to suffer the consequences of my choice as well.  This really is a tough line to walk.  If you are willing to take all the responsibility (and I mean all of it - financial, cleaning up poop and barf, keeping the dog in line, trainin, etc) then I can't see how he should really complain.  I think though that when they are expected to pay for the food and vet bills, clean up after the dog, have a misbehaving dog in their lap when they are trying to relax, stay home from a vacation if a dog is sick, etc, then it really has a HUGE impact on their life and IMO they do have a HUGE say both in whether a dog is allowed in the home and what dog it is.  I may be reading too much between the lines in more than one post but I think I'm seeing more than one husband who clearly didn't want a dog yet they are expected to put up with and/or even work to support (both at a job and in the home) a dog they never wanted. 

The other option is to separate and not have to answer to anyone, but I'm not sure that will solve any problems.  Now you've got reduced income, more work in the house (maybe) and less time to devote to a dog.  I don't think you should "never" have another dog.  I think I'd just be really careful that DH is on board before trying again.  Maybe go with an older dog that is already pretty well trained, let him pick the dog and the breed or whatever it takes to make sure he's more on board and his concerns are addressed.  I really hope you can come to terms with something to help make it work all around!  Sorry if I sounded harsh, but there were a few issues jumping out between the lines in more than one post.
Daphne

Offline schelmischekitty

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2006, 11:02:35 pm »
wow does all this sound familiar!  in our house, it's "your" dog and "my dogS" because hubby only really LIKES his dog, who can get away with anything!  mine on the other hand, get in trouble for putting their head on MY side of the bed!  just like he pets and loves on his dog and i do that for my dogS, but i get in trouble for paying too much attention to my dogs, and not enough to him!
steffanie in atlanta

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Offline longshadowfarms

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2006, 11:55:38 pm »
Actually, Julie, I think we were typing at the same time.  I had not read your post when I posted.  Ok, now I'll go read it all ;)
Daphne

Anakalia

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2006, 12:02:05 am »
Jenn, very well put!  I did want to add that Tony and I both own our home, I said HIS meaning he can get a little possessive and say things he doesn't mean when we get into arguements.  I do think that if you have animals you should be able to financially handle it, I pay for all the food, vet bills and everything else my animals need (and also do all the clean up). Tony chooses to spend his money on poker, partying, racing and all other kinds of things.  He has his hobbies and my interests are mainly my pets.  I do think both people need to be happy in a relationship and I also think that you have to compromise once in awhile.  I truely hope things work out for you Randy, and your hubby so you can both be happy!

Offline aggghgmom

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2006, 12:40:43 am »
Thank you all for your kind words, support and advise I truly appreciate it. 

A few things I need to clarify (just in case any of you meet my hubby) he is in no way asking or suggesting I get rid of Harley.  While it wasn't his breed of choice he was the one who pushed me to get another dog when Stoli died (not for him she died in July, and then 9/11 hit and I took that very hard I went into a depression and he thought a dog might help me so he agreed to a Flattie (and yes they really are like young naughty children).  As far as financial that isn't an issue he doesn't have any problems with vet bills, good quality food, treats and more toys than some children. 

LongshadowFarm has hit part of the nail on the head; he would like help with the clean up; poop and more vacuuming.  I think he also feels I like Harley better than him sometimes - It is just because I feel Harley needs more attention because I am the only one that gives him attention.  As you also stated his main problem is in the evenings when he gets home from work, the kids are in bed and harley just keeps standing in front of him staring, or stretching, if I see it I put Harley in a down near me but that only lasts a few minutes then he is up again.

Hubby also doesn't have time for many hobbies; but he does have 2 Harley Davidson motorcycles... which forgive me if you love riding...I dislike I worry about his safety (and the safety of my 14 year old on the back).  But I gave in.

I am so glad that BPO is here because I doubt most people would understand my issues.

Thanks again

Randy 


Offline longshadowfarms

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2006, 12:57:49 am »
I do aree that marriage is partnership and there ought to be constant give and take, coming to agreement rather than one person bulldozing their way all the time.  I really think Julie's posts on that were awesome.  The HUGE difference between pets and other hobbies is that it is a living thing.  Same with kids.  Having a dog and having a kid MUST be something you both agree on or the animal/child will suffer. 

Ack!  This topic is changing too fast for me!  I thought there was another post and that is gone now, and now there's another post by Randy.  I think I'll go eat lunch and shut up for a while.
« Last Edit: December 07, 2006, 01:03:47 am by longshadowfarms »
Daphne

Kirsti

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #11 on: December 07, 2006, 01:55:50 am »
Haahaa Jenn, I love your bowiling gear, I have an old ball (its my grandma's...works great cuz I suck at bowling, that must be another family gean that missed me along with higth.. haahaa) My uncle and bro are avide bowlers, I go with them sometimes, haahaa....

~K

Oh and Randy, I'm not sure if anything I say can help, everyone has a much better ability to write feallings down then I do... I think getting anythig is really a muitral decision between you and your hubby, list his hobbies and tell him dogs are yours, and when the timeing is right, I hope you find another 4 legger at your house... best of luck.

Offline aggghgmom

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2006, 04:56:42 am »
Hubby sent me beautiful flowers at work today all that was on the card was a smiley face, he didn't admit guilt but at least he recognized my feelings.  I still want to talk this out but I know his response will be the dog is fine, everything is fine, until the next time Harley ticks him off (probably about an hour after he gets home).

Gr8dame I saw your post before you deleted it and I didn't see anything inappropriate about it, everyone needs to be there own person, it was what you feel and you are apparently a very strong person, I give you alot of credit for that.

I want to thank everyone again, for your kind words, helpful advise and just for listening.

Randy


Offline longshadowfarms

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #13 on: December 07, 2006, 07:56:30 am »
I've kind of gone back and forth all day about whether I should have posted or not.  I hate being a heavy, but then again, I think most of us tend to love our dogs so much that we fail to see the other side.

Randy, I'm glad your DH is reaching out to show he loves you and cares about your feelings.   I hope Harley will mellow with age and your DH will eventually appreciate him a bit more.  Hugs to you and Harley both!
Daphne

Offline aggghgmom

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Re: I'm so upset (long and whiney)
« Reply #14 on: December 07, 2006, 08:36:05 am »
I've kind of gone back and forth all day about whether I should have posted or not.  I hate being a heavy, but then again, I think most of us tend to love our dogs so much that we fail to see the other side.

Randy, I'm glad your DH is reaching out to show he loves you and cares about your feelings.   I hope Harley will mellow with age and your DH will eventually appreciate him a bit more.  Hugs to you and Harley both!

You absolutely should have posted; when I write something here I am asking for support but I am also asking for opinions - I think you were quite intuitive in your response. 

Randy