Dog Jokes

[greek4]

Let's hear them.  I don't know any good ones so I need to be educated.

[greek4]

"Dog Haiku"

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.


I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By kissing your face.


I sound the alarm!
Paperboy - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Meter reader - come to kill all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!


I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep.


How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.


My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.


I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!


Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats.


Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.


Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.


I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.


You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation.


My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I blow a big one.

[lins_saving_grace]

HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHA

The second comic should be our logo!  our secondary logo.

[Rachel]

I liked the Haiku.  Very clever 

[mastiffmommy]

hahaha that was funny, I love jokes like that, everything with doggy in it is my favorit 

Marit

[greek4]

Life lessons learned from a dog
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.

3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.

4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.

7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

[greek4]

10 Traits You Don't Want in Your New Puppy



He dries himself on your bed sheets after a bath.

He barks uproariously at doorbells on TV, but doesn't make a sound when a stranger comes to your door.

He not only wants to sleep in bed with you but wants to share your pillow as well.

Or worse, he wants your pillow all to himself.

He barks in the middle of the night to let you know that he's thirsty and you've left the commode lid down.

He is more attracted to your fishing lures than any fish ever were.

He loves to roll in the motor oil drip spot in your garage and then go straight to bed -- your bed.

He confuses your $10 a roll Christmas wrapping paper with his potty papers.

He becomes romantically involved with the ankles of your dinner guests.

He thinks of your cat as a chew toy.

[greek4]

See how many of these statements apply to you and your dog.

You believe every dog is a lap dog.

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.

You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.

You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.

You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.

No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog(s).

You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.

You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.

You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighborhood. You know their names.

You let the neighbor's dog sleep over.

You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.

Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.

When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.

You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.

You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers.

Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.

[lins_saving_grace]

See how many of these statements apply to you and your dog.

You believe every dog is a lap dog.

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.

You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.

You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.

You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.

No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog(s).

You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.

You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.

You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighborhood. You know their names.

You let the neighbor's dog sleep over.

You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.

Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.

When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.

You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.

You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers.

Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.

all but 1.  i don't carry a wallet.