I feel kind of qualified to respond here.
I used to have a pitty/Am. Bully X named Bo. A lot of you know his story, but Steff, I don't think that you do.
Bo was a SUPER sweet boy. He didn't have any territory issues, let almost anyone in the house without incident, etc. I mean, he was rotten in other ways...he ate my entire couch, my daughter's entire mattress, hundreds of dollars worth of shoes, underwear, books, etc. But, otherwise, he was basically the sweetest thing ever.
EXCEPT...
He had this thing, when people put their arms up, he jumped at the arms. He was rescued from some gang-bangers, and I think that they had probably taught him how to do that, you know, like they do with police dogs and umm...what's that word? Schitzhund? Or something? You know what I mean, right?
Anyway, so Bo did that. I was trying to work with him. I made him sit for everything. Sit at the door. Sit at the corner before we crossed the street. Sit at the food dish. Sit for a petting, etc. The dog sat his fool butt off. Honestly, it made him an AWESOME dog, and he KNEW that I was the boss. But, for some reason, I still left him off-leash in the yard. I was like, over confident, I guess.
Anyway, he jumped on a lady, nipped at her arms when she threw them up screaming, and AC took him and euthanized him.
When I was going through the whole arm biting jumping thing, I considered rehoming him and really tried in earnest to get him into Am. Bully rescue. Looking back, I realize that there wasn't anyone as qualified to deal with Bo than me, and I would have been putting my problem off on someone else. I know SO MUCH MORE now about dogs and dog behavior, and I wish I had him back so I could work on that problem better.
I guess what I'm saying, Steff, is that you HAVE to work with him. You can't put him off on someone else. It will confuse him and he is YOUR problem.
I know this is going to sound harsh, but it sounds like (based on what you post) that you might be a little in over your head. You post about your kid tearing up his room and your dog being out of control. Is it possible for you to get some...I don't know...counsel ing? Not like, cuz I think you're crazy, but more like, a life coach? You need to understand that YOU run this nest so that you can make the baybays IN the nest understand it. But until YOU understand, they won't either. You might just need a cheerleader, Steff.
Listen, I'm only posting this because I KNOW how it feels to be in your position. I needed a life coach, and I hired a great one. She has given me the advice, insight and plain old encouragement that has helped me see A LOT of things in my life differently.