So Frustrated I Could Cry!

[GrumpyBunny]

OK, everyone, I am so frustrated that I am crying right now, and I could really use some words of wisdom...  Sorry, this is really long...

Ranger and I just got back from his walk, and he was mean to another dog.  I am just getting so tired and frustrated with it.  

Anway, the owner wasn't mad at all, but I just feel so tired of it all.  And guilty, and I dont know why... Should I feel bad when my dog was on-leash and under control and her dog wasn't? I warned her not to let her dog approach mine, but I still feel like the jerk here cause my dog was the @ss.

When we adopted him, we specifically were looking for a dog that was dog-friendly, could go to the dog park, the beach, etc., and we were told that he was.  He got along great with his "sister" right away and still does.  He played with other dogs at the shelter, and we took him to the dog park many times after we got him and he was fine.  Then, the "honeymoon period" that you often hear of with shelter dogs was over, and he felt comfortable enough to start showing his true personality.  He started a fight with one dog when he was off leash and then it just escalated from there.  

I have dealt with leash aggression before, but he has just got me completely confused.  To make it worse, Gwen snarls and growls when she plays with him, so sometimes I am not even 100% sure that he isn't actually somewhat trying to play when he sounds like he wants to kill the other dog.  He is on a training program where we work with a clicker and treats to position the presence of other dogs as a positive thing for him, so we still take him around other dogs, but he isn't allowed to directly interact with them, and I think that just makes him more likely to growl and fight when he does.  

I have read all the books and I know that it isn't reasonable to expect every dog to be dog friendly, and I know that many dogs go through a period around this age when they "mature" and decide that they don't care for every other dog, and he has never actually hurt another dog, but I am just so tired of him being "bad".  I know that all the things that I want to do with him and can't are MY problem, not his, and most of the time I can accept that this is just his individual personality and that I have to respect that, but sometimes I am still just so frustrated.  

I am tired of always having to be on the lookout for off-leash dogs, tired of always having to always have an explanation about why he can't play, tired of apologizing when he growls at a totally friendly dog, and tired of feeling guilty that he isn't nice.  I love him, and maybe I am just blowing this all out of proportion, and I would never give him up, but right now I just feel like I have a rotten dog, and that I am a rotten dog mom cause I can't fix this, and I just want to cry.

(BTW - THIS is why I do not want to bring him to the So. Cal. get together.  I don't want to be crying and ready to leave within 5 minutes of our arrival)   

[jabear]

Oh Grumps! We love you and you ARE NOT a horrible mommy to Ranger at all. Maybe he does truly have issues with other dogs and maybe he is just "testing" you to see where his limits are. Either way, don't give up. You can and will over come this. Just take it day by day and one small victory at a time. Every little step towards progress is what counts. And cry if you want to and be frustrated. We have all been there and are here for you when you need us. Have a drink, let him chill out in your house with his sister and re-join this ongoing phase in your life tomorrow. You will feel better in the morning I promise! 

[nickerbokker]

lumpy.....take a drink, pop some vicotin...and be happy tonight along side me!

angus tried to eat me tonight when i took his bone away...SO, he is getting better with other poeple and dogs, and worse with me LMAO....funny. ...isn't it?  no?  just me laughing?  crap.

you ARENT a bad mom.  some dogs are just a little happy in the head...thats all.  you are doing everything you can, and you WILL get through this!  trust me!  k?

and you ARE coming to the july event....becau se it looks like i might move back to missouri in august, and this will be your ONE AND ONLY CHANCE to meet me, cody, and angus.  and dont worry, angus will be fighting right along side your baby....so we can drink and laugh together.  no crying.  k?

feel better!

[GYPSY JAZMINE]

I totally understand!!...Samson loves all dogs but he HATES most people...It is very frustrating!!...Who you should be frustrated with isn't your dog...It's the people walking their dogs off leash!!...Why should Ranger be accosted like that when he is minding his own d$*& business anyway???...Your dog wasn't the a#@...It was the person walking her dog off leash...She is the a@$!...When Ranger is on leash & is approached by a dog off leash it makes him feel vulnerable...H is is a NORMAL dog reaction to the situation...Sh ame on irresponsible dog owners whom you are not one of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nickerbokker]

gyp are you drunk?  LMAO

[GYPSY JAZMINE]

Nope...just nuts!...lol!

[brigid67]

Maybe he is just protecting you.  Strange dog coming towards Mommy.  My little male 5 lb Pom is pretty good with other dogs he is introduced to but put him on a leash and you would think he bulked up and extra 100lbs.  Everytime a dog passes he is lunging, growling, snapping, snarling.  It is awful!!

I hate people who walk there dogs off leash in a populated neighborhood.  This lady up the street walks her dogs without a leash and they always come up to my gate and proceed to have a shouting match with my dogs between the fence.  Sometimes it happens at 730 in the am on Sunday....Hate it!!!!

[GrumpyBunny]

Well, I am done crying for the moment - thanks for the love and support.  You all always know the right thing to say  - you even made me laugh and that was much needed.  Maybe we should put Ranger and Angus together in a steel cage grudge match and when they are done, scoop up the pieces that are left and make one good dog outta them!  

I can normally deal with all this - but for some reason I just let it get to me tonight.  I am gonna go drink til I fall asleep and it will all look better in the morning!  

You guys are the best...  

[ulfie56]

Dear Grumppybunny,
Fear not, YOU ARE NOT A BAD DOG MOM. I seriously think after dealing with several rescues and some that are not that there are just some dogs that as hard as we try are going to have "spurts".  One thing I learned the hard way is that if you go out anticipating an encounter it's going to travel right down the leash and he's going to sense it. 
I don't know if this will help but you might want to try it. Our trainer told us (when we were going through remedeial ?sp training with our dog aggressive border) that as soon as we started to see her start to signal stand directly in front of her , I'm assuming to block the view and give her a command - any command and to try to keep her focused. It works BUT  I wasn't dealing with off leash dogs. In the meantime I would tell the dope to leash their dog. Sorry I'm a bit p*$$y  tonight.
Marion

[Saintgirl]

I had to say what everuone else has already said...YOU ARE 100% NOT A BAD DOG MOMMY!!!!!!!! You understand that he has a problem with dog aggression and you are working on it. That is so much more than is to be said than so many other doggie owners (unfortunatley). Hutch has leash aggression too .  We have been doing exactley what Marion has suggested. He seems to be making some progress. We walk with a favorite treat in our pockets and when we see another dog we first try to pretend that everything is normal, but if we notice his body language is changing we tell him first to sit, then down, and then a treat and lots of praise!!! He loves the attention and treats more than he likes to growl at the other dogs. He is absoltley fine if he is off leash and meets another dog, but as soon as his lead is on.....  We are working on it and maybe always will be. When we encounter dogs being walked in public off lead I immediatley tell them that Hutch has leash aggression, please keep your dog away, we are training right now. I have found that most people won't be so p!ssy when you let them know that you recognize your dog has an issue and you are in the middle of a training session to over come it. If they are, well they are the ones that are breaking any public by-law by walking their dog off lead.

Oh yeah, any time that we pass by another dog and Hutch behaves well, we immediatley stop once we are away from the other dog and look like absolute fools praising him for a job well done.

And for feeling like the bad dog owner because you have come to the end of YOUR leash... we have ALL been there!

[greek4]

You described Maia to a 'T'.  She hates when other dogs get in her face especially when she is on leash.  We are working on the 'say Hi' command.  That way she has to approach other dogs on command and be nice.  It is only working 10 - 15% of the time.  I think we just have dogs who aren't going to like all other dogs. 

Dogs are like people, I don't like everyone I meet but as a person I have to pretend to be nice.  Dogs don't have those inhibitions.  You are not a bad mom because if you were I would be too. 

[Scootergirl]

I think you are an excellent dog mom and that, like everyone else said, Ranger is just being protective. I bet if you brought strange dogs over to your house and let them play in Ranger's yard he would be fine because it's his turf and he's relaxed there.

He loves you so much, he's on "alert" anytime he's away from home.

Our australian shepherd is similar. My husband takes him with him on the road. When they stop at a yard to pick something up and, if he lets Rocko out of the truck, Rocko will run up to the people there and bark at them or even almost nip at their ankles. Or, if he's left in the truck or on the back, you better not try to approach the truck unless Johann is right there. When he's working, that's HIS truck and his job is to guard it.

One time, they were at a truck stop and Johann had Rocko on the back of the flat bed. Rocko was napping waiting for Johann to come back out. Some idiot thought it would be funny to go up behind Rocko and pinch him then was pissed off when Rocko turned around and bit him! He told Johann he was just walking past the truck when Rocko bit him, but someone saw him pinch him. Rocko went to "jail" until I could fax his rabies certificate to the sheriff's dept. 'cause he had lost his tag. Now Johann keeps the rabies cert. in the truck with him at all times!

But, put Rocko in any public situation or with other dogs and kids at home and he is wonderful (except with the annoying neighbor kid who constantly rings our doorbell - Rocko hates him)!

Anyway, Saintgirl is right. You are doing everything you should be doing - and so much more than most dog parents do to correct the problem. Keep the faith!

Jeanne

[RedyreRottweilers]

Your dog does not like other rude impertinent dogs getting in his face.

No big deal.

You warned the dumba....I mean person *teehee*...who had the dog off leash.

Their problem.

Not yours.

I love this article called "HE JUST WANTS TO SAY HI".

http://www.flyingdogpress.com/sayhi.html

You are doing a fine job, you understand your dog and his issues, and you are handling them in a responsible way. Keep at it.

[greek4]

That was a great story.

Rocco is bad at reading other dogs body language and will continue to play after being told by the other dog they don't want to play.  I never let him get in another dog's face when he is on leash unless both dogs have been give the commands to say hi.  But at the dog park he is the in your face kind.  The only good thing is he backs away from a fight (most of the time)

Maia is the woman whose husband punished her.  I never punish her I just get her out of the situation.

[GYPSY JAZMINE]

Your dog does not like other rude impertinent dogs getting in his face.

No big deal.

You warned the dumba....I mean person *teehee*...who had the dog off leash.

Their problem.

Not yours.

I love this article called "HE JUST WANTS TO SAY HI".

http://www.flyingdogpress.com/sayhi.html

You are doing a fine job, you understand your dog and his issues, and you are handling them in a responsible way. Keep at it.

Awesome article!!!...I LOVE IT & have saved it to my favorites!...Ty!...Suzanne Clothier is the person who Samson's trainer respects & follows as per his training classes!