I so love you guys, to log on here and read all the wonderful posts and know that you know just how sad and horrible it is here right now is such a great support.
I still cant stop crying, every time I think of her I start to wonder what happened and if she suffered and all those things and I start to cry even more. I will never find out what happened to her for real. That is a thing that really bothers me and that made me go almost crazy yesterday. I tried to get up with my vet and his partners, they are three vets in that office. But they are not an emergency vet station so I never managed to get up with them. My vet. was apparently out off town, and the two others I dont know. I called the emergency animal clinic/hospital I go to when my vet is closed, but they told me they did not have the facilities to keep her there and that they did not do necropsis on animals from "outside" that had not passed in that hopital. I called the animal control to see it they had anywhere, all I could get was a young guy who was "on call" and he could not help me. By then it was evening and the kids, especially Jennifer was extremely disturbed by the fact that she was still here. So we had to make the disicion to give her a funeral here at home, and never get to know what really happened.
She is now resting under our big tree where both Hercules and Harley is too, she is in good company they were super sweet too. We all said a prayer for her and the kids picked some flowers and put on her grave and the other dogs too. Today we are going to make her a cross and monday I will see if I can order a stone for her too. Hercules and Harley have stones with their names on. I think I had been in some kind of chock until we actually stood there, it hit me soooo hard that she would never come towards me with her whole round body wiggling from wagging her tail so hard, she would never stick her nose up and "sing" to the moon when fire trucks passed. She would never "speak" to us when she wanted a treat and thought we were too slow to give it to her. She was such a wonderful and loving dog, and had had such a tough life after her injury when she was in hospital for more than a week on steroids and then had to be carried with towel under her belly. She never lost her will to live though, she loved everyone, but was also very independent and loved to be the dog who stayed out a lot, running around her one acre yard to see that everything was in order, then shed come in and confiscate the cool air from the vent and take a long nap.
We have been doing a lot of talking about what we think happened, and the way we found her, just the exact way she loved to take her naps, legs that way she always crossed them and on one of her favorit spots in the yard. I saw her from the sliding doors only 5 or so min before Malin went out to get them and then she was in a different spot messing with a big toy. I think she had a stroke or a heart attack, that she took a nap and just never woke up. I want to believe that had she been worried or had she been feeling something I would have seen any kind of signs of her stuggling or just something. And she was find just a few min before.
She is now at the bridge and I will have to let her go. I still wish we could have found out for certain what happened, but when we could not find anywhere to keep her, or anyone who could do it yesterday, she would have had to be here until monday, and I could just not do that to her or the children. They all needed to get a ending, me too and Chris, he got so distressed so he said we will never again get another dog, he cant deal with them passing. He said the same when both Hercules and Harley passed, but of course we can live without dogs it is just his way of reacting.
It was so good to come on here and read all the posts and it is comforting to know on here I have friends that know exactly how I feel.
Love you all soooo much
Marit
