Totally NDR - How much time do you spend with your significant other?

[dohertyswissy]

I know this is totally NDR, but I'm looking for some insight.  My BF and I are constantly getting into this argument about how much time we do or do not spend together.  I'm usually the one driving it, as I feel that we do not spend enough time together and he feels like I am the police and pressuring him.  It really came to a head last night, to the point where we broke up, for about 4 minutes.     Needless to say, though, if we can't meet on some common ground on this one, the relationship will be over. 

So, how much time, on average, do you spend with your S.O.? 

[Gevaudan_Jo]

oh my gosh! you know, me and darcy fight constantly. NO, its me. and he just takes it... We spend on average about an hour and a half a night (if that) its usually durring supper or if big brother is on. He is constantly playing his stupid World Of Warcraft, so he spends every spare minute on that game. i asked him to spend time with me yesterday, since he had a day off. and he got all mad, went downstairs (showered) i went and sat outside on the porch with the dogs, he comes out and says "lets take the dogs for a run" GREAT i thought. than the phone rang, his work was calling him in for emergancy. well, darcy asked me to go with him, and we were there for 3-4hrs. BTW his emergency patient had passed before we got there, so this was just him chit-chatting with his boss and manager...  later that night, we went out for a quick drive (as i sometimes like to do) looking at wildlife behind town. we saw a big ole black bear. i took pix. will post later;) that was the ENTIRE time spent together this long weekend GRRR

[Nicole]

Awww, Heather.

Well, Mark and I live together. So, you know. We spend quite a bit of time together. On the weekends, almost every single minute we're together. We carpool to and from work together.

Geezeus Maneezeus. We're together A LOT.

[schelmischekitty]

i live with brandon (obviously) but honestly, we don't spend much time together.  he's at work before anyone else is up, and gets home at about 8:30pm.  then, we do supper and baths for the kids get them in bed and it's usually 9-9:30.  then, between all of this are his stupid cigarette breaks.  i SWEAR he spends more time smoking than anything.  he goes out every 30 minutes and spends 10-15 minute smoking while i have to watch the kids.  i'll mention i'd like to get a shower with him, and he says he's going to smoke first, and gets on the phone with one of his guy friends.  by the time he gets done, i'm done for like 15 minutes past.  SO, all in all, i think we spend a grand total of about 3 hours a day together, and that's while i clean, cook, etc.  about 30 minutes to an hour of just one on one time, but that's with his tv show on...

[Duramax]

Jeff's had to be a work horse this year, so we havent gotten to see much if any of eachother at all. except for this week he's dislocated his shoulder and cant work for at least 2 weeks. but i understand where you are coming from. it seems like when they have the opportunity to be with you, there's something else they're doing...

[2Criminals]

We've always had different schedules, he works day, i work night, so we usually have one weekend day together. Honestly we have a lot of different interests and I really enjoy my "me" time, so not a lot but it works for us.

[People Whisperer]

Well, my hubby and I used to spent so much time together that it drove me crazy!!! I mean 1 hour in the morning, 4 hours after work and every minute on weekends. We were going grocery shopping together, playing cards, pool, watching TV, visiting friends...... It had gotten to the point when if I was going upstairs he would ask "where are you going?" We had to stop that...it was just not healthy, I think  
 So, I started taking dance classes just to be away and have "my time". When we got Lily I started taking obedience classes and I feel so much better now. We still spent quality time together though  

[Anakalia]

When Tony and I first started dating we were inseparable!  We did everything together.  Now, 9 yrs later I'm lucky if I get to see him for an hour a day! lol  We don't get any time together, if we do we're talking about business related things and that's not actually "together time".

[bigdogs@5501]

I think that it is more about quality than quantity. Rudy and I have been married for 25 years and dated 5 years before getting married. He is an over the road truck driver and he is gone during the week and home on weekends. ( He has been doing this for about 4 years now) I have learned to enjoy my time and I do not make plans very often for myself when he is at home. We usually end up at the home improvement store plotting our next project or we are at home working on the next project. We also enjoy going to flea markets and auctions. This past weekend I did make plans to meet Lori ( lorim2 ) for breakfast and it was a lot of fun because Rudy and both adult kids showed up and we all had breakfast together.
I think that the secret to making it work is to have a happy balance with the together time and the alone time. It also helps if each person has thier own time to do as they please. There are times when I am in the office on BPO and he is playing XBOX or watching some horrible show on satellite. But we are ok with the fact that we dont have to be together all of the time to have a good relationship. Maybe making plans for things to do together will help.

[jabear]

I'm sorry to hear that Heather. Hang in there and things are bound to get better. Michael and I work hard and are out of the house by 6:30 daily. I get home earlier to do the dog stuff but leave for yoga before he gets home. We do spend the evenings together (7:30-10) talking, watching tv, eating dinner and are together almost the entire 48 hours of the weekend. 

And for the record, we've been married for 4 years but dated for 7 years (non-consecutive) before getting married.

[happiday]

I'm in the 'been-married-forever' group.  26+ years.  Sometimes I really appreciate that Mike spends the whole Saturday at his Dad's, working on his car, or at his buddy's house.  Gives me time to myself.  We have three nearly-grown children, 16, 18 & 21, and they are hardly ever home, with work and friends, who wants to hang around the house?  Mike and I tend to argue a lot more when we don't get our separate 'me' times.  He has things he likes to do that I don't, and vice-versa.  For Pete's sake! I've known the man since I was 16 and spent every moment I could with him.  Relationships need a little breathing room, I think.  But that's JMNSHO.

[RMSChloe]

my man and i live together. we have been dating for almost 5yrs now. we both work a lot, he works 5 days a week and sometimes overtime on saturdays, and a very very very occational sunday. i work 6 days a week, sometimes mon-sat, sometimes tues-sun. it just depends when my horses are racing. if i have to work sunday, i take monday off and vice-versa. he leaves for work an hour before i do, but i get home sooner than he does. we usually spend about an hour together before dinner, then after dinner we watch TV all night lol, since we dont have any kids. we get about 4hrs a day together (and thats enough for me). sundays, as long as im not working, we spend at his parents house every week. im good with the time we spend though, if i spend too much time with him he knows, i get really funny about being touched and talked to. i just get all "aarrrggg!" inside from not being alone. he also finds, when that happens, i work longer because i want to spend time with my boys and girls (horses) and not with other people.

[aggghgmom]

Add me to the old married list - 19 years

We generally spend about 2 hours a night between dinner, laundry, getting the kids ready for bed and school and we like to watch Yankees baseball.

This summer we have spend more time together on the weekends because we put in a pool so we hang out there

My husband thinks sitting and resting is a bad thing we should be cleaning, running, etc. and I like to sit and relax.

During hubbys busy season we don't see him at all he leaves before we get up and gets home after the kids are in bed.

[dohertyswissy]

Thank you everyone for your responses.   

It is interesting to see how different amount of time spent varies so greatly from couple to couple.

I have a nasty habit of building my life around my S.O. and I think that may be why I get obsessed about time spent.  This comes straight from my Mom, who is "old school" and thinks that a woman should live for her man.  Even though I don't believe in that, as I think it is important to do one's own thing every now and then, I think it is so ingrained in my head that I just do it out of instinct or something....

[dohertyswissy]

Heather,

That's how I have always been. I think that's why it's taken me 8 years to understand that it's not that Rob doesn't want to be with me, it's that he has to work or that he needs alone time. I think it's easier if you look at it that way. KWIM?

J

Hey JuJu - I do.  It is just sooo hard for me to take it personally.. like, "Why don't you wanna be with me??"  Any tips on how to get past that?