Angry, Frustrated, and hurt (really long sorry)

[London_Pyr_Lover]

I am SO upset right now.  Sorry to unload on you guys, but if I don't say something to someone I think I'll explode.
Let me start with a little background.  I'm a security guard at a high security plant.  We needed a second in command for a long time.  I have experience in business management (I managed a busy night club, and a busy hotel housekeeping department, I have handled a staff of up to 16 employees with no problems), so I applied for the job before it was posted.  It went to the Security companies downtown office, as well as our Site supervisor, as well as the safety and security manager at the plant.  Well the guy downtown who handles the plants account really doesn't like me, I don't know why, but he's hated me from day one.  I'm pretty sure as soon as he got my resume it went into the shredder.  Anyways, they appointed a 2I/C without ever posting the job, or doing interviews (the union agreement states that all internal job openings be posted and should more then one person apply interviews should be done).  The person who they gave the job to is a young man who doesn't have a very high opinion of women at all (he's muslim).  I'm not prejudiced, or anything along those lines, I will not say a bad thing against you unless you give me a reason.  He has had a horrible attitude towards myself and the other woman who works here since he arrived on our site only 3 months ago.  He will belittle, dismiss and shut down ANYTHING we say.  Well a young man at the plant passed away last week, and his wife came in today to collect his personal things from his locker.  She was obviously upset, and was asking questions.  I offered an explanation to something she asked, and the 2 I/C told me "It's fine Alex, we've got it covered, you don't need to be in here" In front of the woman and her friend!!!!  I obviously didn't say anything in front of her because I didn't want to upset her further, so I left the room and sat down in the command center just seething with anger.  He had the nerve to shut me down and dismiss me!!!!  He does this ALL the time.  After she left, I decided to let it go for a little while so I could calm down and talk to him rationally about it.  The Supervisor came in to get some information, I answered a question for him because I had JUST like 25 seconds ago looked it up.  Well the 2 I/C dismissed what I said again, and said he is looking it up right now on another computer.  That set me off!  I told him, I had just looked it up, and this is the answer, he said, "that's fine, I'll just look it up again."  Now I know that I'm sounding a little petty, but I swear I'm not a petty person at all.  He is condescending and arrogent, and it was meant to be said in a way that shows how incompetant I am.  So I got up left, had a cigarette and decided the best way to handle the situation is to leave, so I got up and left for the other area of the building that has a round the clock guard (normally we rotate every 2 hours).  As I was leaving he followed me outside and told me that if I have an issue with him to be upfront about it.  I told him that under no circumstance is he allowed to shut me down, or dismiss me especially in front of other people.  He wouldn't even let me get that out.  As soon as I started to open my mouth he tried cutting me off with that "I'm Your supervisor and you Have to respect me" bullsh!t!  I told him that the conversation is over, and he is not to speak to me in such a manner ever again, then I turned and walked away.
I am this close to quitting my job.  A job that I fully enjoyed not even 6 months ago, it has slowly gotten less and less fun to go to work.  I hate that I'm letting him push me away from a job that I used to enjoy, but when I work with him (which is alot), I want to either hit him really hard with something heavey, or jump in front of a truck myself!  I'm so mad right now, I could cry, but if I do that, it'll prove to that @sshole that I'm weaker and inferior.  AAARRRRGGGGHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry.  I think I'm done now.  Thanks for listening.

[Ali]

What a loser...I don't know a thing about how unions work, but I liked the "don't get mad, get even" advice. If all else fails, some good old high school practical jokes are always fun! Maybe if you keep and eye on him, you'll catch him making some errors worthy of going over his head to report. Or, make a case for discrimination - you are being prevented from doing your job due to the fact that you are female.

[dohertyswissy]

Oh, Girl.. I HAVE BEEN THERE!!  This is why I am currently on the job hunt.  My last boss had a serious problem with successful females and measured only the girls on totally subjective crap.  Every single one of us left.  I documented everything, kept paper copies of any sort of discriminating and unprofessional emails that were sent, and presented them to his boss, who happened to be a founder of the company.  His boss was blown away and actually did offer me another position reporting to a different manager.  I did not accept, because 1) it was a 25-person company and I would have to interact with this guy on a regular basis and 2) if that is the sort of manager that they would keep around, I wanted no part of the company.

All that being said, since you are unionized, keep careful documentation of everything, and present it to the powers that be.

Hang in there!!!  

[GoldenPyrs]

Yes, document!!!  I really sympathize, years ago I had a similar problem.  In my case, I finally got so fed up that I started to quietly document everything.  Then my manager (the a$$) screamed at another female manager and called her a "bit**) in front of a few other people.  Not long after that, that woman and I had a conversation and I told her that I was having a lot of difficulty with him also and that I was documenting.  Within a month there was a huge lay off at this corporation and low & behold the jerk was laid off.  This came as a real surprise to everyone (including him) b/c he was the only person that had a certain type of computer expertise that was required, but he was still laid off.  On the other hand, I was 5 mos. pg by then and they didn't lay me off.  In fact, they offered me all kinds of incentives to come back to work after the birth of our son (I declined).  Anyway, before you consider quitting a job that you otherwise like, document everything and escalate it to your union, Human Resources, or whatever is your standard procedure.  Here in the US that kind of complaint would have to be investigated.  I hope that is the case in Canada, too and that you can get some satisfaction.  Hang in there!

[Ali]

Ok, yeah, all that stuff that they said. Plus also, don't forget the prank thing!! Have a single red carnation (not rose - too expensive) sent to him every once and a while, like once a week or so, with an anonymous note or little poem, with little fake hints about who his secret admirer is. After a while, have the notes say things like "I'm getting up the nerve to try to call you at work - I'll try to call around x o'clock, unless I get too nervous!!" Then, watch him around that time. Or, have the notes have him wear stuff to show his interest, like "if you want to know who I am, wear green socks to work tomorrow" and stuff like that. How old am I? Ah, I'm 37, but who's counting?? 

[GoldenPyrs]

Ok, yeah, all that stuff that they said. Plus also, don't forget the prank thing!! Have a single red carnation (not rose - too expensive) sent to him every once and a while, like once a week or so, with an anonymous note or little poem, with little fake hints about who his secret admirer is. After a while, have the notes say things like "I'm getting up the nerve to try to call you at work - I'll try to call around x o'clock, unless I get too nervous!!" Then, watch him around that time. Or, have the notes have him wear stuff to show his interest, like "if you want to know who I am, wear green socks to work tomorrow" and stuff like that. How old am I? Ah, I'm 37, but who's counting?? 

Bwaaaahaaaaaa!!!  LMAO       

[Jas2Cats]

Ugh~!  That type of people give our business a BAD name~! I have been in the Security business for almost 25 years now, and had to put up with a lot of the same crap many years ago.  Now, that I am the Site Manager, NO ONE in my group will dare to treat anyone else that way. 

I think I read in your post that you are union.  If so, file a formal complaint with your union.  Discrimination due to sex is ILLEGAL in this country.  You can also go to your states EED to file complaints.  From what I see, you are both being discriminated against due to your sex, and you are in a hostile work environment.  I agree with Holly, but, would reword the "get even" statement.  You are not getting even, you are requesting to be treated appropriately, which is a basic right.  (Yeah, Holly, I know, its just semantics). 

Oh, and do not QUIT until you have filed your complaints.  Once you file, they need to worry about how they treat you, as almost any negative treatment will be seen by the courts as retaliation.

Good luck~! 

[ZooCrew]

That is just aweful!  I agree with everyone here to document it and present it to your union.  That putz can behave how he likes in his own home, but cannot bring his prejudice and discrimination to the office.

And i'm sure that others feel the same way, especially if he puts them down in front of others as it seems he likes to do.