ROFLMAO
One of our show dogs here has the horrible tendancy to breed... the air. No girls are in season or anything else and all of a sudden he will just start staring off into space, fake "mount" the air, and start going to town. Then he will quite litteraly "Tie" the air, and remain in this locked position with the most god awful embarrased expression on his face for a good 20-30 minutes.
He does this maybe a couple times a month and its ALWAYS!!!!! at the worst time, IE I have someone over with kids or someone looking to adopt an animal etc. I remember the first impression after "What the heck is he doing" is OMG HES HUGE HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!!!! One woman actually said "Honey he's bigger then you" to her husband, VERY LOUDLY in full ear shot of the family, I DIED laughing.
The first time he did it I was carrying a load of laundry and tripped right over him as he was "locked" still and didnt get out of my way, even after I went head over heals over his back.
I've learned two tips with this: 1) Ice water does wonders (not a TON of water but if you rub an ice cube around in your hand or soak a washcloth in cold water and wrap it around his..lipstick. They will suck it up faster then you can say "uncle". 2) if you see the knot (the big bulby part that extends at the base of the sheath that looks like a baseball) understand that until that goes away... he isn't going back in. Just don't invite the neighbors over LMAO
Also... if you think THATS bad, try a horse. You would not BELIEVE the ammount of crap you clean out of a horse's sheath ...sticks, leaves, grass etc. IT FRIGGIN DRAGS THE GROUND!!!!