http://www.laststory.com/Ten%20Things%20That%20Change%20When%20You%20Hit%20Thirty.htm(A little off-color, but a fun read nonetheless on the male perspective of turning 30:)
“Ten Things That Change When You Hit Thirty”There you are, enjoying your 20s, minding your own business… when out of nowhere, the number 30 hits you right between the eyes, sending your hairline reeling and love-handles wobbling. Until the cruel three-oh happens to you, there’s no way for you to prepare yourself for the psychological impact of the number. However, one can live vicariously through others and learn through their pain and suffering. Below are the ten ways you youngsters will see your life change as you inevitably approach the threshold of 30… but relax. Not all of them are negative. And don’t laugh too hard at my expense—every day, every hour, and every minute you too inch precariously closer to the death sentence of 30…
1) Your fantasies change. Upon hitting 30, you start to fantasize about sleeping alone. “Ah, yes… my own bed!
2) You start getting mad at MTV. What’s with the c*&^ they’re playing anyway? I’ve never heard of any of these bands before. Nelly? What’s a Nelly? Whatever happened to all those great bands and singers I grew up with—guys like Sir Mix-a-Lot, Ugly Kid Joe, Motley Crue, Lita Ford, The Gin Blossoms, Iron Maiden, Tone Loc, Cinderella, Quiet Riot, Ace of Base, N.W.A., The Spin Doctors, Def Lepard, and Megadeth? h*ll, what happened to Smashing Pumpkins and Pearl Jam? Aren’t they still popular? What’s a Nelly?
3) Heartburn. I used to see these Mylanta commercials when I was younger and not have a clue what they were talking about. Now, I know. Heartburn sucks. It really is a pain in the, well, throat.
4) The athletes on TV start all being younger than you. This is an irrational psychological thing, I know… but whenever I was in my 20s and watching sports on the weekend, I’d always think in the back of my head, “Gee, maybe if I lay off the nachos for a few weeks and start working out, I can get myself into shape and play in the NFL! I’m still young enough! I’ll have to learn how to punt, or something, but it could happen.” Well, it can’t happen—you’re 30. My Dad never liked Bill Clinton because Bill Clinton was the first president who was younger than him. Now I know what Dad was grumbling about. How could you possibly be expected to look up to someone who’s younger than you? Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter, George Bush Senior—those were all grown men. Bill Clinton was a kid… and so are just about all the players in the NBA and the NFL now. Thank God for some of the graybeards like Michael Jordan, Evander Holyfield, Emmitt Smith, Barry Bonds, Karl Malone, and Darrell Green…
5) Drinking limitations. Y’know, I used to torture my liver with gleeful immunity, knowing full well that I can... Now, if I get drunk it really, really hurts. It feels like Tony Soprano whacked my head around like a piñata. And then, of course, the heartburn kicks in…
6) The news. No, I’m not talking about Sportscenter on ESPN—I’m talking about CNN, FOX, and MSNBC. Somehow, politics and the financial markets became interesting to me. Iraq, the White House, Wall Street—I wanna know what’s going on. That and the weather… I constantly gotta know what the forecast is gonna be. Don’t ask me why.
7 ) Perspective. This is another cool thing about age. I’m a member of Generation X, so I’ve seen things develop and unfold over the past 30 years. Generations Y and Z have no memory of presidents other than Clinton and George W. They view all the trends they see in fashion and music as permanent. I know better. N Sync (or however you write their name) will go the way of the New Kids on the Block, Britney Spears & Christina Aguilera will go the way of Debbie Gibson & Tiffany, Dawson will go the way of 90210, and those baggy pants will go the way of parachute pants. All I gotta do is wait it out. And for all you kids out there, here’s some fashion advice: You can’t go wrong with some Ray-Ban sunglasses, a clean t-shirt, and a pair of Levi jeans. Trust me.
Owning stuff. Y’know, when I was in my 20s, if a hurricane hit my apartment and destroyed all my material possessions I’d be out… almost $40. Now, I’ve got a nice TV (Sony), a DVD player, a stereo system, a good computer, a nice bed, some wooden furniture… and a car that stays together without a staple-gun or duct-tape. It’s great! I feel like a budding Donald Trump.
9) Diminished idiocy. No offense to the younger crowd...it’s not that your intellectual capacity is less than mine… it’s just that you’ve accumulated odd bits of information without learning how to determine what’s relevant and what’s not. I don’t wanna sound overly preachy here, but you kids haven’t figured out that every current event doesn’t signal the end of life as we know it. Still wrapped in me-first egocentrism, you have trouble realizing that not everything happening now is important. Let it go. Young people with a modicum of education are some of the most uncomfortably paranoid citizens in America. Calm down and have some beer nuts.
See? Not everything about turning 30 is negative. A few positive curves can be found along the way. They say that youth is wasted on the young (a statement undoubtedly uttered by some bitter geezer in a wheelchair), but despite any jealousy I might feel towards my younger brethren, I’m glad you guys are around. After all, someone needs to bag my groceries and bring me my Big Mac…
