Author Topic: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs  (Read 5438 times)

Offline greek4

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Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« on: January 13, 2009, 03:51:28 am »
My husband and I both brought two dogs each into our marriage.  My two dogs, Rocco and Maia, and one of his dogs, Baxter are great together.  They are fine with our routine of am eat, outside to go potty, into cages for the day, outside to play for an hour at lunch, eat dinner then outside when I get home from work until they get tired and want to come in (usually 30 minutes to an hour), then they hang out in the kitchen until our son goes to bed. 

His older dog, Cody isn't doing well with my dogs, doesn't like being in his cage but destroys things if left out, barks constantly when outside, whines when he is in the kitchen, and just can't seem to settle down when we are all hanging out at night.  We let the dogs hang out one at a time with all of us before Kole goes to bed but they are all big so we can't have all four out with us. 

Drew is getting really upset with having to yell atbthe dogs when Cody growls and starts things, let Cody in while everyone else plays outside, listening to him whine in the kitchen while we are getting Kole ready for bed, then having to deal with him stirring everyone else up in the evenings.  Plus, he whines and barks on and off throughout the night in his cage.  I won't let him sleep with us because he spooks easily at night and I get up a few times to use the restroom or check on Kole.

So, this week Drew has started talking about finding him a new home.  I don't think we should because he committed to raising him for life when he got him and I made that committment when we got married.  Cody is safe, warm, and well fed but not happy.  I want Drew to spend more time with him alone but he is not willing. (Cody doesn't love me, he won't let me pet him, only feed him and let him in and out).  He bit my hand once when I reached for him but it didn't leave a mark and as soon as he made contact he knew what he did and licked me.

What do you guys think we should do?  I am willing to keep him and put up with him.  But is it fair to him.
Thanks,

Emily and 1 husband, 1 boy, 1 on the way, and 4 crazy dogs

Viking Lady

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2009, 04:07:08 am »
I was wondering how long your situation has been like this? Has it been for years or is this something that could still be in adjustment stages?

Offline patrick

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2009, 04:07:39 am »
Its not fair to the dog- a home where he will get more attention and interaction with his family is better for the dog.  Your commitment needs to be for him to have a happy life and if that is not with you then so be it.  Four dogs and a young child is a lot to juggle and it sounds like he is not getting his needs met.  With careful screening you may be able to find a home for him that will give a lifetime commitment.

Offline vmimom2006

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2009, 04:14:46 am »
If this is something new for him maybe he has some sort of health issue since he is older? Maybe he just wants a quiet home. Have you spoke to a trainer?
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Offline kpost

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2009, 04:18:16 am »
I agree with the other posters, also if this behavior continues, he can become worse and become a threat. If he will not allow you to touch him there is a problem, it sounds like he needs more time with you not your husband. It would be hard but if he only gets things from you (until he learns), he should straighten up, it is YOUR house not his (cody). If that is too much with 4 dogs and a young child, it may be, that is a lot. then it would be best to re-home him. you are not dumping your dog if you are doing whats best for him. plus apologetic or not he can not behave the way you described, if he wants food, outside attention it must come from you and he has to accept that, or he does without, trust me these big guys won't starve themselves. plus if he becomes more comfortable with you all the behavior issues may resolve themselves. He will love you when he depends on you for everything. Ignore the bad behavior and praise the good. Good luck to you guys and what ever you do you are making the best decision for your boy and your family.
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Offline greek4

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2009, 04:25:53 am »
I was wondering how long your situation has been like this? Has it been for years or is this something that could still be in adjustment stages?

-We got married in October, Drew moved in with the dogs in September.  So it has been 4 months plus.

If this is something new for him maybe he has some sort of health issue since he is older? Maybe he just wants a quiet home. Have you spoke to a trainer?

-Drew says he never liked to be locked in a cage and he wasn't before they lived with us.  He had free reign of the house but as a bachelor there was nothing nice there.  In our home, we have kid's toys, baby gates set up, doors shut, and nice furniture.  I don't allow the dogs on the furniture.  I will find a local trainer and call them this week.  Thanks for the suggestion.

Four dogs and a baby are a lot, especially since we have another baby on the way.  The other three dogs are easy and play together and lay around until it's time for their time with us (6:15pm until 10:15pm plus I come home at lunch to give them attention).  I know it's not enough for Cody, I just feel like we are taking the easy way out.

I hadn't even thought about the fact that it could be me that he has issues with.  That makes sense.  DH feeds them and lets them out in the am.  I let them out at lunch and feed them and let them out at night.  He has only bitten that once and I try to pet him alot, he just moves away.  He will chase a ball when I throw it and drop it at my feet but he will only do it once or twice.  He listens to me when I tell him to get in his cage and takes treats from me when I say ok but only if Drew isn't around.

I think I will start letting the other 3 stay outside during my full lunch hour and only let Cody in with me and I will work on obedience for a week or so and see if that works.
Thanks,

Emily and 1 husband, 1 boy, 1 on the way, and 4 crazy dogs

Viking Lady

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2009, 04:30:28 am »
I think those sound like good ideas.

Cody has had alot to adjust to in just four months. I don't know how old he is, but I am 57 and I still don't like change!! heh  Good luck.

Offline kpost

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2009, 04:34:12 am »
4 months is a short time, congrats on the marriage, but with cody the honeymoon is over, he is going to test you to see what he can get away with, be tough and he should fall in line. your ideas are great. Good Luck 
~Kim
Mother of 2 young girls ages 5 & 8
Wife of 1 great man
A dog lover but I am biased towards Mastiffs
6 yr. old male brindle Mastiff Rescue named Beau (my Velcro dog)
< 1 yr. Old Male Fawn Mastiff Named Sanuk
10 year old chihuahua named Zoomer
1 yr old Blue fronted Amazon named Kitty

Offline maxsmom

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2009, 04:41:47 am »
If the crate presents a problem for him, have you tried using baby gates to close off one room, maybe the kitchen and take everything out that he can destroy?  We use the metal baby gates from Target, so the dogs won't eat or break them.  That way you are not scurrying around to pick up everything, toys, shoes, etc. before you leave, just picking up the one room.  When we first got our Cody, he would not let anyone pet him.  He shied away or growled and snapped at me.  I would corner him, hold his collar and just brush him.  When he growled, I growled back and continued with what I was doing.  He settled down very quickly.  He has never been particularly friendly with my husband, so he just ignored the dog.  Now that we have had him for 2 years, Cody is finally starting to warm up to Joe and actually walks up to him to be petted.  I know our Caucasian will growl at me, if I am putting her away, when people come over and has grabbed my hand once.  I never even felt her teeth, just her lips.  I didn't yell, but she got a firm no and I grabbed the side of her muzzle and shook it. A lot of dogs will test you, by grabbing your hand to see how you react.  If you react firmly and don't act frightened, they will respect you and usually not repeat the action.  It is just a test.

He sounds like a great dog and I sincerely hope you can work through this.  It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right.  Good luck
Kathy
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AudgePadge

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2009, 05:25:28 am »
If the crate presents a problem for him, have you tried using baby gates to close off one room, maybe the kitchen and take everything out that he can destroy?  We use the metal baby gates from Target, so the dogs won't eat or break them.  

Not to thread-jack, but...They make METAL gates?!?!?! I've never known...how could I have NEVER known?  It just makes so much sense...I'm going to Target at lunch to get some gates! lol :D

Back on subject, I think you have a LOT of great advice.  When me n hubs first moved in together, we each had one dog (Monty & Oreo) Oreo totally resented that I took up his side of the bed, Monty hated that hubs got a lot of my time... It probably took about6 months for everyone to adjust... BE FIRM! Good luck!

Offline GoofyNewfie

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2009, 08:48:50 am »
Consult a pro.

I find it very unforgiving (no offense to hubby :) ) that his new behavioral problems get him kicked out of the house, especially when most behaviors can be redirected with proper training. This just means that fixing this particular problem is beyond you both, doesn't mean it's impossible! Honestly, before any decisions are made, get a professional trainer to see him.

Good luck!

Diesel, 6 month old Newf.

Offline ZooCrew

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2009, 09:47:25 am »
Sounds like you have some good advice here, I hope you can work things out before making a final decision.

i was wondering how old Cody was?  I know older dogs can take alot longer to adjust than younger dogs.  And if the other dogs are all younger (3 yrs and under) it may be too much activity for him and he needs a quiet place to get away.

Good luck to working things out. I think it is well worth both of yours' time to try and get thru this transitional period with him.  I really think hubby should step up though, this was his dog I have a hard time understanding why he's so willing to rehome a dog he's had for so long (I'm assuming).  I would think since the dog is  his that he would be more willing to do everything possible before making a permanent decision like that.

Offline Scootergirl

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2009, 10:08:45 am »
I, too, think you need to spend more time with Cody so he starts to view you as a leader of the pack and not just a part of the pack. Most importantly, I think you need to take him for walks - first just you and Cody, then once he is comfortable with you and behaves on the walks, have another dog join you then have your husband walk the other two. Ideally, I think if you walked his two dogs and he walked your two dogs, they family would become more cohesive.

Secondly, I also wonder how old Cody is. There may be some medical issues that aren't being addressed - like new aches and pains, arthritis, etc. that makes being confined to a crate physically umcomfortable for him. This is still a very new situation for Cody as well so it may be just anxiety. You can try giving him Clomicalm (http://www.clomicalm.novartis.us/) or asking your vet for doggie prozac to help take the edge off.

Most importantly, don't give up!
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between dog and man." -- Mark Twain

Offline greek4

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Re: Hubby is threatening to rehome one of the dogs
« Reply #13 on: January 14, 2009, 06:13:28 am »
Cody is 8, Rocco is about 7, Maia and Baxter are both 5.  We had a long talk (me grumping, Hubby listening) about giving all the dogs more attention in general and then giving Cody individual attention.  We have a basic plan that Cody will spend as much time as possible with me (I have a full time job, part time job, and a little boy to raise).  We started it last night, Cody stayed in the bathroom while I showered, then got shut in the room with me while I sewed, then had to go to the basement with me to do laundry, he was forced to be stuck to me like clue.  He was very relieved when I let him be with the other dogs and Drew.  BUT he did walk up to me to be petted while we were watching TV.

It was a major thing to me and I was so excited since it really didn't take much effort on my part.

We are bad about not walking the dogs in the winter.  It is cold so I don't like to take Kole outside in the evenings plus it's dark when we get home.  I work 3-4 nights a week at my church so I take Kole but no dogs.  I plan to start throwing the ball in the basement for just Cody and sometimes everyone.

Thank you all for your advice and support.  I just needed that little kick in the behind to work on his issues.

BTW, I sent an email to a local trainer and I'm waiting for a reply.
Thanks,

Emily and 1 husband, 1 boy, 1 on the way, and 4 crazy dogs