Author Topic: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!  (Read 6684 times)

Offline Anky

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ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« on: October 01, 2005, 03:25:59 am »
Well not all of them.  Just my grandmother.  She calls me on my cell phone today.  *Note:  Remember that my jaw is wired shut now, so not only is talking incredibly painful, I sound like Frankenstein.  Everything is wicked muffled, which is why I started carrying a pad and pen around because everyone kept asking me to repeat myself 5 million times.  My grandmother knows how much it hurts me to talk but she calls me anyways*

"What check did you get yesterday?"  "My mileage check" (My company sends out seperate checks for pymant and for milage reimbursement).  "Well you KNOW that your pay check didn't come in today, oh wait you didn't know because you've been at Matt's all weekend"  Silence (I learned a long time ago it's best to just play dead).  I change the subject and inform her that I'm trying to get a CT scan for my head next week.  "Why?"  "Ummm because I blacked out and I want to make sure my head's OK"  "Well you ARE going back to work on Tuesday right?"  "Yes Fram" "Because you can NOT afford to keep lollygagging like you are."  "I know Fram"  "DON'T GET EXCITED WITH ME ANGELA CHRISTINE!"  "I'm NOT!"  "What was that?"  "I'M NOT!"  "WHAT?  SPEAK UP!"  "I'M NOT!!!!!!!  That of course pops my jaw making me whimper.  "What's wrong with you?"  "Nothing Fram just forget it I have to go OK?"  "Angela I just want to say that I'm very dissapointed in you.  You finally get a job and you're looking for every excuse in the world not to work.  You must have gotten that from your father, because no one in my family is like that."  "Whatever you say Fram.  You know everything"  *Click*

Anyone wanna adopt me?  :'(

Ang
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henrysmomma

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2005, 03:35:48 am »
I agree with eastJenn, or write her an angry letter....I hope you feel better soon ;)

Offline Anky

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2005, 03:40:27 am »
Thanks Tina.  It sounds REALLY REALLY bad, but I don't want to live with them any more.  I know they need me, but the stuff she says cuts me to the quick.  Like she comments on how Matt and I aren't married yet and I say it's because Matt wants to give me a house.  She says it's because I'm a *Prostitute* and he doesn't need to marry me since I give it to him for free.  It just sucks having to deal with it all by myself.  I was never a kid, I grew up right away and I'm only 22 and I'm dealing with stuff that my parents should be dealing with.  I have no friends up here, other than Matt, so I can't go out without causing World War 3, and she flips if I spend too much time on the computer.  I just get really lonely sometimes and it sucks.

Ang (The pathetic )
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Anakalia

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2005, 03:42:41 am »
OMG!!  Ang I'm sooooooo sorry you had to deal with that.  You already have plenty on your plate as it is!  You know you can always come live with me!! ;D  We'd just have to ignore Tony. HEHEHEHEEE!  I'm so sorry honey I'm still feeling super sad about your situation and I hope you give Fram an earful when you get the wires off.  Until then don't answer the phone.  I'm gonna be going through severe Ang withdrawls by the time you get those darn wires off!!  I'm gonna forget what you sound like!!  :'( 

Andi

Offline Anky

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2005, 03:44:28 am »
I'm gonna be going through severe Ang withdrawls by the time you get those darn wires off!!  I'm gonna forget what you sound like!!  :'( 

Andi

Here Honey this should make you feel better :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=4jM4xIrlXm4
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Offline RedyreRottweilers

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2005, 03:45:15 am »

Ang, this is probably not what you want to hear, but she will be gone one day, and you will miss her.

None of us know also if we might be wearing her shoes one day, when we might really appreciate patient people.

All my grandparents are gone now, and I would take any scolding any of them wanted to dish out if I could just see any of them one more time.
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Anakalia

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2005, 03:50:27 am »
HAHAHAHAAA!!  Thanks Ang I needed that.  And that convo was so funny, talking about swallowing the Magic Eraser and green mutant mice.  HAHAHAHAAA!!!

Andi

Offline Jen and Rick

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2005, 03:51:10 am »
Oh my, I really feel for you.  I really, really do.  She sounds exactly like my grandmother... even down to the picking on your dad part. My grandmother's favorite put down is saying I'm just like my dad...which makes me proud, as he was the kindest and most intelligent person I've known. From your post, I'm guessing that her behavior isn't necessarily age related but maybe is something that has become worse as she's gotten older?  i.e. It sounds like this is more than an elderly woman having a bad day.

The only advice I have is to get distance from her as soon as you can. If you can't do that,  stop the verbal abuse right now.  If she is hassling you, tell her respectfully that you will not discuss (insert topic) with her.  And stick to that.  People have a way of provoking discussion.  Don't let her do that to you. We don't have to answer questions simply because we are asked them.

 If she is verbally abusive when you are with her, leave the house for a bit.  That behavior is unhealthy to be around, and you need to make it stop now. She absolutely will not change, but you can change how you react to her.

My positive thoughts are with you.  I hope you feel better and can find some way to deal with your grandmother that is healthy for you.

Jen

Offline Anky

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2005, 03:58:14 am »
If she is hassling you, tell her respectfully that you will not discuss (insert topic) with her.  And stick to that.  People have a way of provoking discussion.  Don't let her do that to you. We don't have to answer questions simply because we are asked them.

Hahaha that's kind of funny you say that.  Just the other night she brought something up.  I forget what it was, but it was something she'd been hashing on for a while, and it was Wednesday, the day of my accident so I wasn't really in the mood.  I said "Fram I really don't feel good and we've talk this to death so can we please not deal with it now?"  She said "SO you think just because you don't want to deal with something that's it?  It's over?  You're going to have to deal with things, that's LIFE, and one day you're going to find out that it doesn't always work out the way that YOU want it"

Sigh.  And for those new people on here, I moved in with my grandparents, because they're having health issues.  My grandmother is really young, she's only 58, and we were really close when I was young.  But lately it's just been really really hard.
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Offline Jen and Rick

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2005, 04:39:46 am »
Oh Ang, I'm so sorry to hear that.  All I can say is that it takes time, but if your grandmother  realizes you won't be pulled into unpleasant discussions, she will have to adjust.  If the alternatives are being civil or having you out of the house when she's not, then your grandmother will have to make a choice and adjust her behavior.

It sounds like some of her behavior comes from her health problems?  You mentioned you two used to be close.  It's understandable that she would be angry and maybe frightened, but still that doesn't give her the right to use you for a verbal punching bag.  You are only 22 and should not have to be dealing with this!

::big hugs::

Jen


P.S.  I saw that Jacksmom mentioned Alzheimers and also the title of your post...if this is her problem,  there's probably not a whole lot you can do to help your grandma adjust her behavior.  You should talk to her doctor, explain everything that's going on, and see if he has any advice for you on how to make the situation better.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2005, 04:47:11 am by Jen and Rick »

Offline GrumpyBunny

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2005, 04:58:32 am »
Ang, I know what you are going through...  And this is a very raw subject for me, because my grandmother just died quite recently.  In a lot of ways, Red is right - no matter how horrible they are to you, you will miss them when they are gone and discover issues and guilt that you never imagined you had about your relationship with them...

Not to say that my grandmother was ever horrible to me, but she was a very unhappy person, and could be quite... well, let's just say.... difficult... at times.  An example...

One time a lost cockatiel flew into her back yard.  The lady up the street helped her catch it, and gave her a cage for it.  About that time, I found out that the apartment I was renting would allow me to have a bird, so I told her that I would take it and keep it as a pet.  So, I took the bird home and named her Henrietta.  I had Henrietta for quite awhile when my grandmother came to me and made a confession - she was lonely.  She asked if I would lend her Henrietta to come back and live with her, since at least the bird was another living thing in her house, and gave her someone to talk to and made some noise so that she knew she was not alone.  I was very impressed with this big epiphany and agreed to let Henrietta stay with her for awhile.  I tried to visit my grandmother every week or so, and I would bring Hen different kinds of food and toys, and take her out of her cage to cuddle, and give her a bath when I was over there, and such.  Well, one day I walk in, and there is no cage, no bird, no nothing.  I ask my Grandmother where my bird is, and she replies "Oh, I got tired of the damn thing squawking all the time, so I sold it to the pet store."  EXCUSE ME???  Of course, I immediately went to the pet store, but it was too late, they had sold my bird.  Even years later, I was never able to impress upon my grandmother what a horrible thing she had done, and how this wasn't just some lost bird any longer, but my beloved pet that she had sold without my permission.  She NEVER understood my point of view, and in fact, thought I was a huge idiot for getting so worked up over a stupid bird.

People who act like your Grandmother acts are not happy people.  And they do tend to take out their own unhappiness on others.  If you have tried having an honest conversation with her about how the things she says hurt your feelings, and how even though you are sure that she means well, her meaning gets lost when she phrases it in a hurtful fashion, (wait - lemme guess - "Well, Angela Christine, I am sorry if you think I don't talk to you in the right way.  Because everything in the world DOES revolve around you...), then I guess I can't really give any effective advice on how to deal with it though, because I never really figured it out myself.

I just know that is really hard to deal with now, and even harder after they are gone... 
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GR8DAME

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2005, 05:11:01 am »
Ang,
Come live with me in Illinois, bring Sanity. I'll get you a CT scan, find you a decent job when your healed and I'm old enough to be your mother. I'll take care of you.
Stella
(and I'm not offering just to get my hands on Sanity, although the thought did cross my mind.)
« Last Edit: October 01, 2005, 05:11:21 am by GR8DAME »

DakotaMom

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2005, 05:26:58 am »
I'm so sorry for you Ang. Please remember to take some time for yourself.

I had to start caring for my MIL six months after my stepson killed himself. It was a very long three years but I do feel better knowing that I did what I could to help her even if she was a miserable grouchy old woman.

Offline ZooCrew

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2005, 06:36:51 am »
Ang, I'm really sorry to hear about what you are dealing with.  That is really tough for someone so young.

But I do know what you are dealing with, except it is in the form of my mother.  And I'm sure she is younger than your grandmother and will live longer, so I have to put up with her that much longer.  I am just sooooo glad I don't live there anymore.  In fact, you know you are under alot of stress at home when you move out and lose 15 lbs and are not dieting.   :D  Moving out was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I still get into arguements with her, and have hung up on her (only once, my roommates were shocked), but I understand that is not possible for you.

I guess I don't know what to say.  Maybe invest in some ear plugs and pretend you are going deaf?   ;)

Hey, you can always come out to sunny California and be my sister, since I don't get along with her either........ ..lol  I'm a very bitter person.   ;D

Offline NoDogNow

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Re: ARGGGHHHH I hate old senile people!
« Reply #14 on: October 03, 2005, 06:23:09 am »
Oh, Angela...I'm so sorry. 

Not just that you're hurting, but to hear that you're losing your grandmother this way.   This part is so much harder than the actual dying part of it.  Some of the things that came out of my granddad's mouth have scarred my aunt forever; she had always been his favorite, and in the end, she became his target.  And she was nearly 3 times your age when it was happening.  You have every right to be mad, and it's good that you're letting yourself feel it and vent.

You don't deserve any of this, and you shouldn't have to be the responsible one at your age.  But they're your family, and it's obvious you want to do whatever you can.  If you didn't, you wouldn't have moved in in the first place.

SO ON THAT NOTE: 

What you need to do, right now, is call up your county social offices, and ask to talk to someone about senior services.  Explain that you are an "only" family member dealing with your grandparents aging issues, particularly that your grandmother has Alzheimers, and that you are recently injured, overwhelmed and need help ASAP!  It may take some phone calling, but there is help out there for you. 

In some parts of the country, they'll send a person out to meet with you; in other places, you have to go to them.   

If you have to go to them, go the first time WITHOUT your grandparents, so that you can explain to the person--usually it will be a social worker, but sometimes it's a nurse or a psychologist--what your family situation is, and what the problems you're encountering are.  Be honest--don't leave out the name calling and the abuse.  It's symptomatic of her disease process, and the worker will need to know about it.  Then you can work out how to arrange a meeting for your grandparents.

If they will come to you, make sure that you are able to go somewhere--even if it's out in the garage!--so that you can speak with the worker privately about the issues I mentioned before.   Coming to you has the advantage of a first-person viewing, though, so if they will do that, I'd try for it.

Most counties have programs that can help you--home health, home care aids, meals-on-wheels programs, senior activities or adult day care placement, all kinds of things that you need, if not now, down the road.   The sooner you get into the system to get help, the easier it will be down the road as you need more support. 

Feel better soon, good luck, and God bless, sweetie.  :-*



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