Author Topic: I am sorry if I offended someone  (Read 21395 times)

Offline lilysmom

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #60 on: October 11, 2005, 08:48:35 pm »
I don't want to start anymore problems.  I'm new here and would rather not get kicked off already.  But I can't sit by and watch all this going on without some comment. 

It seems that a handful of people here that want to chastise red babs yelina sarnewife have a little too much info about the complaints that were made.  Is it because they were the ones who complained? 

Why is it that if someone asks for an honest opinion one can't be given?  Whether it's direct or full of humor, it's still the advice the person was looking for.  If someone is offended by the way another member posts their advice, then stop asking that member for the advice.  Or don't read it.  If someone else is taking the advice and has no problem with the way it was put, then why should you?  Just stay out of it.  I read the dobie/pit thread and the person asking for the advice had no problem with Red.  After she stuck to her guns that she wouldn't abort, Red was there with all the help she needed to bring those pups into the world safely.  And that post about the dogs in public areas was stated from that persons point of view on the subject.  She didn't put any member down in that post.  She just stated how she felt about it.  I've read through all the posts of all the people that were complained about and I can't find a single thing wrong.  All I can see is a bunch of people that got together and decided, let's make complaints in unison so that admin will take us seriously.  It's funny to me that Yelina was here just a couple of days and was thrown into that whole mess.  Maybe because she was friends with babs?  Everyone needs to stop acting so childish.  If you don't like the way something was said but it wasn't directed at you, just but out.  If it was directed at you, take it to PM and handle it privately.  There is no need for all this immature behavior.  Everyone is going to have their favorites here and the people they dislike.  That's human nature.  But to stage a mutiny just for the sake of causing problems is the reason other boards don't last too long.  Is that what you're hoping to accomplish?  Do you want to see BPO disappear?  Maybe if we all lighten up and stop taking everything so personally we'll all fair a little better.  We need to get past this and restore BPO to it's former self.

That's all I have to say on this subject.  I won't comment again.  And I hope that I didn't offend anyone.  I don't usually speak out this way, but I'm tired of coming here everyday and finding yet another argument going on.  When I first joined I felt comfortable asking questions and talking to other members.  Now I feel like if I talk to the wrong person I might get kicked off for some reason or another. 
When I rescued Lily, she rescued me right back!

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #61 on: October 11, 2005, 08:58:11 pm »
Thank you, Lilysmom!!!!!!!!!! I am fairly new too, and was hesitant to get involved also. However, the tone of the board has changed already. It was mentioned above that "just because "uninvolved" people arent "offended" doesnt mean the the posts werent "offensive". Well, it works both ways....just because some people were "offended", doesnt necessarily mean the posts were offensive either. I see no reason why anyone posting responses should feel responsible for anyones "hurt feelings". Now, because of these "hurt feelings", most of us here are going to lose out on very valuable information and advice, and we are missing out on the support of a wonderful, caring dog lover. It is frustrating. And now Babs feels censored, as I am sure many others.

Offline coonie1970

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #62 on: October 11, 2005, 09:52:08 pm »

BPO rules. ( Sorry I had to cut and paste.  :-[ )Coonie
These rules are in place to keep the integrity of our site and keep the conversations flowing harmoniously. We want to ensure that everyone follows these rules so that there is no question as to what is considered inappropriate to post.
1.   No profanity shall be used in any posts unless of course you are referring to a female dog (ie. bitch).
2.   No degrading comments towards anyone on this forum.
3.   No advertising of a specific breeder of a specific breed so that we don’t cause arguments that bring back grade school memories like “Mine is way better than yours”.
4.   No advertising of puppies for sale or we might just be tempted to buy one of everything…and I don’t think our landlord would allow that many pets in one place.

Members will be given one warning for the following offenses. Two warnings will be considered grounds for banishment and in some cases forwarding of the collected information to the proper authorities.
1.   Harassing anyone in any way. In case you are wondering what things might fall under this category, think before you type and if any comment could make you look like the 2nd syllable in the word harass, don’t write it.
2.   Threatening anyone in any way. Remember what you tell your kids (human or 4-legged) “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
3.   Repeatedly posting topics which get locked (i.e. stirring the pot or intentionally causing trouble). This proverb should help to keep your memory fresh: “One mistake, shame on me. Two mistakes, shame on you”.

Understand that the rules are here in the interest of fairness. We support our Moderators and will believe them first in all cases. If you have a complaint about them please let us know.


Now on to the good stuff! Here are things you are encouraged to post about:
1.   Pictures of your dog(s), yourself and family members because we love to see you and your beloved babies.
2.   Asking for help with something, giving advice, support or encouragement to others.
3.   Links to stores/websites that sell a product that may be of use to others. Without collaboration from others how would we know what restaurants are the best in town?
4.   Names of medicines, food, good stores, etc. that many be of use to others. Personally, everything I use for our doggy-dog has been recommended from others, so why not share those great things with others?
5.   Posting a pedigree of your dog(s). We think of this as your dog’s heritage, so share at will.
6.   Upcoming events. If they are near us count us in!
7.   Any relevant information on dogs and/or dog organizations (good or bad). We all need to know who the yucky people are so we can stay from them and we need to know who the good guys are so that we can join them in their efforts!

We hope our “rules” are used while you are part of the Big Paws family. Have fun and happy posting! 






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Offline brandon

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #63 on: October 11, 2005, 10:01:04 pm »
Just one point:

Sometimes the truth hurts. 
There really is no way around it, I don't know of any other way to not hurt someones feelings when you have to tell them news they dont want to hear. 

Example: How do you deliver the message in a happy/light manner to someone their new puppy from the pet store, that the kids just love,  has serious health issues because of bad breeding and being raised in poor conditions, and being fed old-roy because that's what my neighbor feeds her dogs.  The puppy's owner might be upset to hear this, and may not want to hear it, and will probably get mad at you.   But as an animal lover with a conscience, how could you not tell her/him the truth?

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

Offline Kirsten

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #64 on: October 12, 2005, 02:29:50 am »
Just one point:

Sometimes the truth hurts.
There really is no way around it, I don't know of any other way to not hurt someones feelings when you have to tell them news they dont want to hear.

Example: How do you deliver the message in a happy/light manner to someone their new puppy from the pet store, that the kids just love, has serious health issues because of bad breeding and being raised in poor conditions, and being fed old-roy because that's what my neighbor feeds her dogs. The puppy's owner might be upset to hear this, and may not want to hear it, and will probably get mad at you. But as an animal lover with a conscience, how could you not tell her/him the truth?



I don't think the issue is with telling people the truth. It is with how one does it.  There have been times when i have felt unsure about posting questions, because of how some people respond.  It isn't about delivering the message in a happy/light manner, but to go off of your example, there is a differnece between:
1) giving advise about how the owner should proceed, and offering advise for next time, that the owner can take or leave.

or

2)Chastising the owner for doing something you (and I) feel was wrong, that is already done, and the owner might not have known better than at the time. 

I am not trying to say that you or any other members in specific do this, just illustraiting what i think gets to the heart of why BPO is such a great place.  I know that for the most part i am goign to get answers that are along the lines of 1, and that makes me feel free to post about issues even if i (beign a fairly new dog owner) know i have made a mistake or done something stupid.

Yes the truth hurts, but it doesn't have to attack my personal decissions, or previous mistakes.

Offline brandon

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #65 on: October 12, 2005, 02:35:50 am »
The truth hurts thing was just something I thought about, guess it would depend on the subject, wasn't supposed to mean anything or anyone in particular.  I am to lazy to try and figure out if that is something that might have happened or not.

I'm not even paying attention to this stuff, and don't really have any interest in doing so either, just thought I'd throw that in, because I thought of it.

Just trying to be helpful.. :)

ps: relax, life's good
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

Offline Kirsten

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #66 on: October 12, 2005, 02:49:17 am »
Just trying to be helpful.. :)

ps: relax, life's good


I am just trying to help too, by offering an example of what has made me feel uncomfortable posting from time to time. 

And yes, life is good, (except shakespeare has conjunctivitis, and i hate to see him uncomfortable).

Offline brandon

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #67 on: October 12, 2005, 02:54:48 am »
Ouch! Sorry Shakespear.. hope you feel better.  Our lab used to have problems with her eyes and we'd have to get drops for her.
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

Offline Kirsten

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #68 on: October 12, 2005, 02:59:03 am »
we have an "ointment".  It is like a gel, and i have to squeez 1/8th of an inch out into his bottowm lid, that i have pulled away from his eyeball.  I am supposed to do this without lettign the sqeeze tube touch his eye...... This has proven near impossible.  I wish i jsut had drops to put in.....

Offline Jen and Rick

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #69 on: October 12, 2005, 03:31:38 am »
Wow.  Just wow. It's ironic, but I'd stayed away for a bit because I was sure I had offended folks here :(

I am sad to see that Red has gone.  I found her utterly inflexible, abrasive, and brilliant when it came to the training of dogs.  I do believe that she had a genuine desire to help people and gave of her time tirelessly. Perhaps it is her inflexibility which makes her so wonderful at what she does.

I think Newf Lover said it best when he talked about the difference between show folks and pet owners.  It really is a matter of two different mind sets.  While we love to post our goofy pics, they seem to focus on the "end game" so to speak.  (Please forgive me for lapsing into gamer talk lol.) Their pictures are of form and shows and wins.  I suppose it is natural that the two groups would have trouble communicating smoothly.  Still, it makes me sad.

It is my hope that folks will reconsider Red's dismissal.  We are adults here, and surely we can tell someone directly to back off when needed. 

I would also like to say I'm sorry if I have offended anyone here.  I truly value our differences here...and the insights and knowledge those differences bring.


Jen


(edited to make it more clearly reflect what I meant.  :))
« Last Edit: October 12, 2005, 04:06:21 am by Jen and Rick »

Offline Kirsten

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #70 on: October 12, 2005, 03:44:05 am »
Kirsten's was yes the truth hurts but the person delivering the truth doesn't have to do the hurting.

i think you summed up my thoughts better than i ever could have. 

Offline YelenaLevitina

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #71 on: October 12, 2005, 03:47:35 am »
My point was - moderators have to require proof/sample of unacceptable post, make their judgement and only after that - send PM to the offender.
Writing to someone (especially new to the board)
  We’ve had several complaints about your responses, or the way in which you respond to posts. We’ve even had members leave.......
Note: I have not seen the posts… I’m responding from the large number of complaints.

is really wrong. Reading this after two days on this forum and haven't done anything rude at all made me feell very uncomfortable. And after writing back to the moderator, and asking what possibly could have caused these complaints and not getting any response even as a courtesy - didn't help either.
I was ready to leave, plain and simple, and then I found out that other people were targeted at the same time. Hmm... I stuck around to see how it will develop.

Now, the whole situation reminds me of mid-last century Russia, when Stalin was in power. People were torn away from their families, sent to concentration camps, and executed because of someone making a complaint (even anonymous, or without any proof) about them "cooperating with the enemies of the country". These people have done nothing wrong, but perhabs someone wanted their job position, or their nice appartment (all real estate was goverment owned and was distributed as rewards to "loyal communists"), or their car (property of the accused and sentenced were given away to others - most likely to the "hero" who helped to recognise the "spy").

I think in this incident moderators who sent PMs to a few members were the main offenders, because they occused innocent people of wrong doing based on a "rumor" and without any "evidence". If this was done by accident - appology was in order, if it happened purposely - I wouldn't want to stick around here any longer.

So, can someone tell me which was it????

henrysmomma

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #72 on: October 12, 2005, 04:00:45 am »
Please don't leave Yelena, everything is will work out. I tried to be offended at some of your posts...but found it didn't work (your posts were simply too inoffensive). So I'm pretty sure it was an error to accuse you.

As for the others, I havent been here long enough to read all of their posts so I make no judgment(one can't judge without facts)

Thanks,

Rose

And please can we all just move on from this??


Offline Saintgirl

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #73 on: October 12, 2005, 04:18:08 am »
First off, I want to say that I think that moderators here do a FANTASTIC job. It isn't easy trying to be everyone's friend, and then have to do their job as a moderator too. Let's put ourselves in the moderators shoes here for a second. IT IS THEIR JOB to respond to complaints, they don't sit back and say who can we target today to make their life on BPO miserable. I am quite sure that they don't want to be dealing with any of this either. They have probably been feeling just as miserable as everyone else who has been upset by all of the racket that has happened here.

Sure, I don't post everyday, but I read everyday, and I have been a member since May. I have belonged to several other forums, and this is the best one by far!!! All forums have their issues, and we can count ourselves lucky that this is really the first MAJOR blow up that has happened here. What has happened, happened. Now is time for us to accept that we aren't the originators of this forum, that the rules have been set before we all came here, and it is within those rules that we must play. I am just as sorry that I won't be able to read some more responses from knowledgable people that are not welcome here any longer, but maybe new, more knowledgable people will come. Maybe BPO will learn from all of this and become an even better place. Maybe, just maybe if we all accept what has happened and move forward things can resume as they once were. This really isn't the end of the world. I think that the issue at hand is for between the BPO staff and the accused offenders. Sure, we are all suffering from this in one way or another, but it is time to move forward.

My suggestion is for this topic to be removed from the board, maybe then we can stop seeing it come up and feel the need to beat it further to death.
Leah, Hutch, and Abbey

Offline DixieSugarBear

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Re: I am sorry if I offended someone
« Reply #74 on: October 12, 2005, 04:27:22 am »
I think Brandon was right the truth does hurt, but better for it to hurt my feelings and keep me from doing something that will hurt one of my fur-babies.  If it had not been for breeders giving me the hurtful truth I would have purchased a puppy from a breeder/puppymiller? Which for me would have been a very bad move, since after the loss of Rosie I was just thinking with my heart and would have been open to having made a bad choice.  Due to a very outspoken breeder I was able to rethink what I was doing and wait just a little longer to get my very special boy Sugar Bear. 

Lisa

So if you need to hurt my feeling to help me do what is best for my babies then by all means please do it.
Lisa, owned by the following:
Sugar Bear - Great Pyrenees 4.5 yr.
Dixie Darlin - Great Pyrenees 4 yr.
Penny Lane - Great Pyrenees 2.5 yr.
Beauman - Great Pyrenees 14 months
Izzy - Great Pyrenees 14 month
Rosie - Great Pyrenees (at the bridge)