More feeling sorry for Ang

[Scootergirl]

AH! here's my theory:  Boys are Poopy!

Here's what's going to happen - and I'm only telling you so you'll be prepared for it. He's going to end up getting back together with his ex or someone else that reminds him of his ex only to get hurt again or until he feels really ashamed and disgusted with himself.

Then, he's going to have an epiphany and grow up a little (not a lot, mind you, because he is still a man) and come crawling back.

By that time, he'll be suitable for a stable relationship.

Now, I'm going to tell you something that sounds really harsh, but think about it. It's gotten me through a lot of rough relationship events, and it's really true:

"He who loves least has the most power"

Make this your mantra and you will be irresistable to men - and especially Matt.

See, men already have this figured out. That's why we get hurt so much more easily and more often.

Go get 'em, Ang!

[Anky]

"He who loves least has the most power"

Make this your mantra and you will be irresistable to men - and especially Matt.

See, men already have this figured out. That's why we get hurt so much more easily and more often.

Go get 'em, Ang!

I KNOW that!  It's hard for me though, I didn't have anyone growing up so the people I do have I get really attached to.  So I would LIKE to have other guys to hang out with, act like it's not big deal.  But I have no friends up here.  Muchas sucky.  Plus it feels like a game.  I HATE games.  But I'll play if I can win in the end

[Scootergirl]

Heck! I'd still hang out with his friends. It will drive him crazy!! And, you'll get all the inside info. Hee Hee

[Blair]

Ang I am really sorry. Liked I said before whenever you want to talk I am here 

[Anky]

Heck! I'd still hang out with his friends. It will drive him crazy!! And, you'll get all the inside info. Hee Hee

But they have GIRLFRIENDS!  And he knows it.  Sigh.  If Billy (The old friend I called) would just call me I'd feel SO much better.

And thanks Blair I appreciate it.

[lins_saving_grace]

Oh that's too bad.  It always seems like that when things are at their worst there is always something good hiding behind it.   
Keep your chin up.  If you need to talk I'll zip you my phone number.

[lins_saving_grace]

That is such a cool story, Tina!   
Silver lining behind that cloud to qoute the famous cliche. 
I am such a firm believer in that.  The worst thing we think could ever happen to us is usually the best thing that we didn't choose to have happen.   
Ang...life is full of surprises and so many forks in the road.  Sometimes we don't mean to take those forks...and sometimes we don't want those surprises...bu t we always look back and say: "I'm glad that happened the way it did."
Hind sight is 20/20.

[lins_saving_grace]

Ang, like I said in chat last night, I had a very similar situation when I was your age.

I had been dating a guy for about 3 or 4 years.  He was the love of my life.  I just knew he was The One.  Twice, I caught him cheating on me and each time I went back when he called.  When he finally dumped me the third time, I was too numb to even care.  We had all the same friends and so on.  About 6 months later, I decided to "go visit" some of our mutual friends, knowing he would be there.  I had lost about 20 lbs and had just bought a car.  I was going there with the intention of showing off my new look and trying to get him to notice me.  Well, of course, he did.  He was hanging out with a new friend he'd met at night school.  That friend was Keith.  After hanging out with Keith for about an hour I realized I was waisting my time on The Love Of My Life and that Keith was a far better catch, so to speak.

My ex ended up marring the wicked witch of the north, is constantly nagged at and is not a very happy man.  A mutual friend told me a long time ago that he regretted treating me the way he did.  But, if I had ended up with him, I know I would not be happy.  He would have continued to do what he wanted because he knew he could.

Keith and I will be married 15 years this May.  And I thank God everyday that my ex dumped me.

Good luck hun.  We all love you.

Tina

Have you ever told Keith that story?

[newflvr]

Oh, Anky, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.  And six years is such a long time to have it sort of fizzle out. 

It's hard to know if you should continue on but here's what I think.  Sometimes you just have to pull up your big-girl pants and square your shoulders and walk out.   Even if you can't leave physically, get a hold of your own brain and tell it that we have to do something new....anythin g new.

What I've learned from my kids with depression and Cowboy with seizures, is that the more you keep thinking the same thoughts, the more there is an actual groove in the brain that forces your brain to repeat the behavior.  As Cowboy's doc explained it:  think of a virgin field with knee-high grass.  The first time you walk through it, it's tough but each time you walk through it it gets easier, but it also harder to go another way.  In your case, you are on that path and can't move from where you are....you don't feel anything.  You have to  force yourself in to a new place so that  your brain is forced to deal with all sorts of new experiences and it doesn't have time to slink back to that empty place.  Matt is going to have to figure his life out all on his own...your responsibility is you.  Just from what I've read that you've written, you are a fabulous woman (want my oldest son?? ).  Making your own commercial (I couldn't open it though ) is just what you have to do!  You will be fine!  You are fabulous!  It's his loss and one he will probably live to regret for the rest of his life.  You have your whole life in front of you and all the choices are yours!  Move to that new part of the field!  It will be hard at first, but at some point, you'll look back and wonder why you didn't do it before.  The right man is there, waiting and wondering what the h*ll is taking you so long.  Go!!!

[GrumpyBunny]

I am the worst person in the world at giving advice or wisdom, and there is no way I could top the things that have already been said.  But, I do just want to reiterate my earlier offer, Ang - I am here if you need me to listen...

[brigid67]

Oh Ang - I just caught this thread - I am so sorry.  I know how hard it is.  But once you have grieved a bit about the loss of the relationship I want you to think about this.  My mom always uses this on me and sometimes in infuriates the h*ll out of me but it is true

"This or Better"

It has worked for me.  I just started hanging out with my ex again.  He broke up with me.  Well about 4 mos ago he started emailling then we would go out for a friendly drink (it had been 2 years since we broke up).  He then confessed that he missed me and loved me and it was the biggest mistake of his life letting me go.  He had spent the 2 years playing in a rock band and writing a ton of songs about me nd how un-happy/lonely he was.  So now we are hanging out.  I am not ready to make a commitment but it has been fun the last 4 mos.  It is better.  We have both grown a bit - we will see what happens.  But for now it is good.  So you see - he may have to grow a bit and then he will be back (if he is a smart man) telling you that you were the best thing that ever hapened to him.  And if not then he is not worthy!! 
Timmie
ps  even Willow is sad for you

[doglover]

Yup, Keith knows.  I've even told my girls.  "I was going after the frog but got the Prince"

This is sort of in the same line of what we are talking about:  there is a Garth Brooks song called Unanswered Prayers.  It tells a story of how he meets his high school sweetheart and how he loved her so and prayed to always have her. But then he looks at his wife and knows how right his life is with her. There is a line in the song that goes: Just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care.  Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

You're a strong intellegent woman Ang, you will come out of this on top.

Tina

I agree with Tina. Let God take care of who you will end up with.  You just keep moving forward, and don't look back. What will be will be.

[Anky]

Again I want to thank all you guys.  Its just frustrating for me because like I told him I keep thinking that I did something wrong.  I mean if I didn't do anything wrong and there isn't anyone else why wouldn't he want me?  (I was brought up that no matter what it's always your own fault.  Fighting against it REALLY hard since I left home at 16.  It's an uphill battle.)  He insists that "It's not you it's me" then he smirked and I smacked him.  I hate cliches and he knows it.  The bum. 

Alot of my friends with ummm less than perfect relationships always asked me how Matt and I worked so well (Trust me I'm laughing at the irony here.)  I just say that Matt and I are best friends first and lovers second.  We're still best friends no getting around that.  That's why a "Clean Break" is hard if not impossible.  His family is STILL my family.  Araby and Hobo are STILL my babies.  Matt is still the person that I trust more than anyone else. 

It wasn't a "Break Up" in the harsh sense of the word.  He made it VERY clear that he still wants me around to rub his smelly feet   Just everyone was pressuring the next step for us and he's not ready.  I can't blame him.  As some of you on here have told me in chat, the two of us are still babies.  And USUALLY when babies get married no good can come of it.  We haven't really experienced life.  He wants to experience it and who am I to tell him no?  Regardless of our relationship, it is HIS life.  If we were to get married, I wouldn't be happy because he'd be miserable with all the "What ifs", and seeing him like that wouldn't be worth it.  If I wait, I wait.  If someone else comes along......  Well Matt has first Dibs (I SAID DIBS HOLLY! HAHAHAHAHA!) and he knows it.  But who am I to forsee the future?

This isn't heart wrenching.  Like Matt said "It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.  We're just reverting back to our "Pre-Baby naming" days."  I'm at his house right now.  Araby and Hobo are going nuts.  They missed their mommy.    It just sucks that this happened, along with my health stuff and job stuff (Or lack therof) all right before the holidays.  I just need something to keep my mind off of it, and make me feel good about myself.  Like Melissakins' coworker.  That made me smile and think "DAM* SKIPPY!  I'm a hot biatch"

[NoDogNow]

I told you men were genetically broken!

I know that you're hurting--it's inevitable in any relationship that you're going to get hurt.  Even your family hurts you. 

What's important is that you're strong enough to move THRU the pain and into your life. 

I've been here before.  I've had two really serious relationships, and both of them 'broke up' because each of the guys thought that more 'space' was needed before committing.   So I cried, but said, Okay.  Have some space.  I'll have some, too.  I still love you very much, but let's see where we end up.  (Oh, but take your pajamas home with you, and also your hunting gear.  I can use the space on the porch for this other thing...no, there are no benefits anymore, dearest.)

Both of these men are still among my best friends.  I was at both their weddings--was invited to BE in one of them, but thought that was weird--and their wives are dear friends of mine now, too.   I love all of them; but if I'd gotten all heartbroken and mad, I'd have been out 4 people in my life (well, really 9, counting their kids I'm auntie to!) that have brought me love and joy and happiness.

Here's the one thing I know, and I know you know this too, so just keep reminding yourself of it.   Your life is YOUR LIFE, no matter who you are or aren't sharing a house or a bed or your dogs with.  You're responsible for how you choose to behave in this life.   Those choices will hurt sometimes, but they're each individual soul's to make, and nobody else gets a say--even if you ask advice, the final choices are all you.

Now, I myself often choose to be mean and nasty, and to call people evil names and judge them, because I'm basically an evil b**ch.  But I have also chosen on occasion to forgive and love and share--sometimes, I do choose that.  These choices are entirely up to me, 'cause it's MY life.   All mine.

So--choose your life, sweetie.

Decide what the right parameters are, if any, that Matt gets to have in your life for now, and just live your life by those choices.  It won't be painless, and it might not even seem like what you want.  But if you stick to your guns, however it plays out, you'll have your self-respect, and I can't think of anything that's worth more.  And I'll bet you'll also end up with a friend who respects you more than he does right now. 

Cause that "too fast" thing?  Is all about the disrespect.  (I told you I was judgmental.)

Go to the dog park, and find yourself a cute guy with a cuter dog and choose to have some new friends, too.  You deserve to have a LOT of friends in your life, and this is your chance to go find some new ones, without having to drag him along with you.  This Mattlessness could be a LOT of fun, if that's what you choose.   

[dohertyswissy]

Girl...It's the full moon, I swear...either that or the 6 year itch.  I've been having some relationship issues too, girl, and I've been with the man for 6 years total (married for 2), so I feel your pain.  I'm not going to get into it on the general board b/c a certain pair of eyes (not the hubby's but another one) surf in here every now and then, but needless to say, things haven't been easy for me lately either.  I really have found some comfort in what everyone has said in response to your situation and I hope you have too.  Y'all Rock.

Boys suck.

I say we get dolled up and hit the town.

I love you girl.  Hang in there.  If you need to chat, I'm always here.  We can have one big ol' b*tchfest.