Author Topic: My Beloved Cabo  (Read 4020 times)

Offline GrumpyBunny

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My Beloved Cabo
« on: November 18, 2005, 10:39:20 pm »
OK, I think I might finally be able to officially do this...  I apologize - this will be long.  I think I have a lot to get out.   :)

Cabo was the dog I loved more than anything else in this world.  I was lucky enough to have him with me for almost 10 years, and I would give everything I have just to have him back for even one more year.

He came to me when he was four, from the Humane Society.  He had been there for months, and they feared they would have no choice but to euthanize him because he had begun to shut down.  He had been on TV, on the radio, and in the paper, as Pet of the Week.  He had been adopted out once and returned because "he barks when we leave outside all day and night."  I had actually noticed him there before, on one of our many trips, but felt my then-husband would think he was too large and hairy.  On one of our many visits, we were talked into looking at him, and it was all over for me.  He was my dog, and had simply been waiting 4 months for me to realize it. 

He loved everyone, but he was a mama's boy from the start.  When my then-husband and I got divorced, there was no question that Cabo was coming with me.  He was the kind of dog that even people who don't like dogs like.  He went everywhere with me, and everyone in my neighborhood knew who he was - right down to kids, gang members and homeless people.  I never felt unsafe walking in that neighborhood, even when he wasn't with me, because everyone knew who he was, and therefore knew who I was. 

When he first came to me, he was very dog aggressive, especially on-leash.  But, somehow, we got through obedience training, and when I went on to assistant-teach at the same obedience school, he would come with me to be a demo dog.  We used to go to class twice a week, once so I could teach, and once just because he liked to go.  Eventually, we were even able to go to the dog park together, and he never had an issue off-leash.  He mellowed so much that when we would go back to obedience class just for fun in his later years, my friend Greg, who originally taught us, would say "Cabo isn't fun anymore - he doesn't want to kill anything."   :D

He loved cheese.  He didn't like his belly rubbed, but loved a doggy head massage.  He had the highest, girliest bark ever.  He loved to chase squirrels (in Michigan), and even caught a possum once and was so confused he just ran around in the back yard holding it, until I called him away.  When he didn't want to do something, he would pick up his paw and softly lay it on you.  He never really learned to play, but did like soft fleecy toys.  When he ran with them, he ran the last couple feet wildly shaking the toy from side to side with his head down, causing his front legs to have to splay outward as he ran to avoid the toy - his special "floppy walk".  You could dress him in anything and he would wear it without complaint.  He was afraid of thunder, and the only thing that would ease him was to be covered up with a towel.  He hated to be picked up.  He would tap dance on the kitchen floor at his dinner time.  He saw me through a divorce, and the follow-up to a bout with cancer.  Even dirty, he smelled so good to me. 

When I lost him, he was almost 14, and a year prior, had a bout with pancreatitis that he never really recovered from.  He just kept going slowly downhill.  We spent so much on tests and medicines, but nothing ever was conclusive, or really helped.  He would stop eating and get so weak, and then we would put him on a new medicine, and he would be his old self.  But then he would go downhill again, and finally the antibiotics didn't help.  His last couple days were heartbreaking for me - I don't need to describe it, we have all been there.  But I kept telling myself that he could come back from this, until even I realized he couldn't.  On his last day, I lifted him to the couch and layed with him, smelling his head and offering him cheese, which he ate only to be polite, and because it meant love to him.

Letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I thought I would die.  So many people have a milestone in their lives when they first felt like a grown-up - having a baby, buying a house or car, getting married.  I never really felt grown-up until I had to deal with the weight and responsibility of making the decision to send him to the bridge, and then being mature and strong enough to be there for him during it.  I felt a thousand years old.  At the same time, though, I felt like a little kid who finally realized that death meant never seeing him again, and cries and screams and wonders why things have to die.  Even after more than a year has gone by, I still torture myself a thousand times a day over whether I moved too soon, or waited too long and kept him with me out of pure selfishness, but I did the best I could for him.

I don't know what I believe about religion or the afterlife.  I go back and forth.  When I let him go, I wanted so badly to feel he was still with me, to get some sort of "sign" or something...  I even hoped he might haunt me.  I see little bits of him in Ranger, even though they are so different, and that helps some.  But, if I would ever sit down and pray for something, I pray that he is in a better place, and happy, and knows I love him.  I hope that I see him again some day. 

Rest easy, Mr. B. 
*Founder of the Official Suspicious Chicken Fan Club*

Offline newflvr

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2005, 09:57:10 am »
I think in your wonder ode to Cabo, that you have defined what it means to be a dog lover; who appreciates the comfort that a gentle paw can give; the helpless giggles you can get from a funny walk and antics with a toy.  To think that 'never again' is just too much.  I think we all need to hope for 'when we are back together'.  My boy Otis was like that for me and I still can break down and sob when I think of him.  Sometimes there is just a dog who climbs in to your heart and just settles there and he never really leaves you.  I just like to think being with him again, someday!

Kiahpyr

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2005, 10:26:00 am »
Marsi I'm so sorry for you loss. Cabo was a wonderful dog and you gave him a very happy life. Just remember he is with you always and he knows you loved him very much. 

Offline Anky

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2005, 11:05:02 am »
Oh Sweety.  I hate crying but this is one time I consented to it and I don't regret it.
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Icerotti

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2005, 11:07:06 am »
That was very touching Marsi. I am very sorry for your loss. They teach us so much when they are here and even in thier passing. They make us stronger in more ways than we realize at the time. They are never gone from our hearts.

Michelle

Offline Jessdryden

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2005, 11:43:18 am »
Oh Marsi, that was so beautiful.  Your Cabo was so loved.  Thank you for sharing his story with us. 

Offline cuttles/sadieMay

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2005, 07:06:31 pm »
 :'( Thank you for sharing that beautiful story with us! It sounds to me like Cabo had a wonderful life with a wonderful mommy that loved him very much! Dont ever regret the choice you made for him. Just listening to your story tells me he loved you just as much and he wouldnt want you to be sad!
Cuttles/Sadie May

Offline Mark Dozier

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2005, 02:14:07 am »
Thank you for sharing. You love Cabo very much. As much as I love Toby who ent to the bridge after an all to brief 14 years together. I still and will always love Toby and Bear and Phoebe as you well always love Cabo.
Mark Dozier
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Ozzie - Maremma
Siearra - Great Pryenesse

Offline GrumpyBunny

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Re: My Beloved Cabo
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2005, 06:32:09 pm »
Thank you to all who shared your kind words with me.  It took me awhile to be ready to get all this out, but I find that it has helped me tremendously.  I feel a bit more at peace with things, now.   

If I can find some old pictures of Mr. B, and can get to a scanner, I will add them to this thread at some point...  He was a cutie...
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