Author Topic: calling all blondes!  (Read 7722 times)

Offline LaurieW

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calling all blondes!
« on: December 08, 2005, 03:56:41 pm »
since I'm a blonde - I think it appropriate that I get to post these!  enjoy!   ;D ;D
-lauriew


Mostly seen before but still a nice collection…………….

 

 

Blonde LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking....... . and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away.......... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO.. ....," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"






Kiahpyr

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2005, 04:04:04 pm »
Very Funny!!! I'm not blonde, but my family says I'm blonde from the roots down. I also have died my hair blonde. Does that count!?!?!

Offline Rachel

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2005, 04:05:39 pm »
LOL  :D
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Offline LaurieW

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2005, 04:13:50 pm »
"Does that count!?!?!"

YES!  ;D ;D ;D

Offline Newf Lover

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2005, 05:44:16 pm »
One of my Blonde female friends really did this,

Kristi and her husband were driving on Hwy. 10 towards Arizona, and came across a truck.  Kristi suddenly got really excited when she saw it was a  Napa Auto Parts truck.  As they pulled up along side the truck, she rolled down the window and screamed, "HEY!  We're from the Napa Valley too!"  :o  

My wife is a Blonde and is one of the smartest people I know, but she has Blonde moments all of the time.  That's why I love her so much.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2005, 05:53:05 pm by Newf Lover »
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Offline GrumpyBunny

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2005, 05:54:06 pm »
One of my Blonde female friends really did this,

Kristi and her husband were driving on Hwy. 10 towards Arizona, and came across a truck.  Kristi suddenly got really excited when she saw it was a  Napa Auto Parts truck.  As they pulled up along side the truck, she rolled down the window and screamed, "HEY!  We're from the Napa Valley too!"  :o  

My wife is a Blonde and is one of the smartest people I know, but she has Blonde moments all of the time.  That's why I love her so much.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

My friend Maureen, who will be the first person to admit that she sometimes fits the typical blonde stereotype, has had a couple good ones...

We worked together at Blockbuster, Inc., where she was the receptionist, and one day I came up to cover the receptionist desk so that she could take her lunch.  While she was gone, someone called and I needed to put them on hold.  When I returned to them, they informed me that something was wrong with the hold message.  So, I put myself on hold and checked it out - yup, the settings needed to be reset on it.  When Mo came back from her break, I told her "Hey, Mo, we need to fix the hold message.  It says "Un momento, por favor...."  She looked at me and said "Oh no, it's in FRENCH??"

We used to do monthly lunch meetings at Blockbuster, where one department would be responsible for bringing in some catering and "hosting" everyone else.  We would usually try to theme our lunches and keep the theme a surprise until the last minute.  So, Maureen, another co-worker and myself were sitting around one day, and one of us says "Oh, the lunch is next week.  I wonder what we are having...?"  I say something like "Well, it is almost Valentine's Day, but I can't really think of any foods that would have a Valentine's theme...."  Mo thinks a minute and goes "Well.....ham is pink."

Bless her little heart, we loved working with her.
*Founder of the Official Suspicious Chicken Fan Club*

Offline LaurieW

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2005, 08:30:12 pm »
One of my Blonde female friends really did this,

Kristi and her husband were driving on Hwy. 10 towards Arizona, and came across a truck.  Kristi suddenly got really excited when she saw it was a  Napa Auto Parts truck.  As they pulled up along side the truck, she rolled down the window and screamed, "HEY!  We're from the Napa Valley too!"  :o  

My wife is a Blonde and is one of the smartest people I know, but she has Blonde moments all of the time.  That's why I love her so much.

Oh wow, the "Kristi" story almost makes me sorry i'm a real blonde!!!   :D

Your wife is lucky that you love her "blonde moments"!  I'm a smart person, but I do have very, very "blonde moments"....my ex-husband didn't appreciate mine very much......need less to say we've parted ways!  Hope you always find her "moments" something to love!! :D
-lauriew

Offline PupDaddy

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2005, 12:30:32 am »
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Offline MustLove Dogs

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2005, 12:54:06 am »
I'm a blonde... but one of the "smarter" ones... but I do have my blonde moments...  ::)

Here's one...

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."



I know a blonde, and someone said "Ya know, gullible's written on the ceiling" and she looks up and goes "really? where????"

 :D
"The more boys I meet the more I like dogs"

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion"




I'm blonde... whats your exc

Offline LaurieW

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2005, 01:44:47 am »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline Good Hope

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2005, 08:58:17 am »
Love your jokes. I wish I hadn't deleted mine a couple of weeks ago.

I'll pass around new ones when I get them. Especially like yours Must Love Dogs.

 ;D ;D ;D

Deena

Offline Taku

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2005, 11:08:33 am »
  This is so true! I have what can be called Einstein syndrome. Very academically inclined (I'm a scientist), but sometimes my common sense..well... sometimes it's greatly lacking. My husband loves to make fun of me and I admit sometimes I'm scatterbrained . Not all the time, don't get me wrong. Oh well..somethin gs gotta give.
 Pam

Offline MustLove Dogs

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2005, 12:57:47 pm »
 ;D ;D
"The more boys I meet the more I like dogs"

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion"




I'm blonde... whats your exc

Offline Anky

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2005, 03:52:00 pm »
How about a smart blonde?




A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for a loan officer.

 She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to

borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some type of

 security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls

>> Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the

 title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as

 collateral for the loan. The bank's president and it's officers all enjoy

 a laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a

 $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank proceeds to drive the Rolls into the

 bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later the blonde

returns and repays the $5,000 loan and the interest which comes to

 $15.41. The loan officer says "Miss, we are very happy to have had your

>> business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a

 little puzzled. While you were away we checked you out and

 found that you are a multimillionai re. What puzzles us is, why would you !

 bother to borrow $5,000?"

 

 The blonde replied....... . "Where else in New York City can I park my car

 for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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Offline MustLove Dogs

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Re: calling all blondes!
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2005, 05:41:37 pm »
Haha! See, not all blondes are dumb  :D
"The more boys I meet the more I like dogs"

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion"




I'm blonde... whats your exc