Must Vent!

[Anky]

My middle sister, Jo(elle) is home from college.  She's 20, and went to college solely for her MRS. degree.  She is constantly rubbing it in my face that she's in school and I never went.  She's my polar opposite in every way, physically and personality wise.  If you like me you won't like her and vise versa.  She's rail thin (As Matt says she's jealous of the altar boys' curves), and I'm well I'm not   She's very uptight, and ditzy and I'm laid back and intelligent.  (I just play a bimbo on TV )

ANYWAYS first time I see her is at their church's Christmas Cantata(Sunday).  First thing she does is make comment about my shoes (4 inch high strappy Stilettos) and about how they aren't suitable to wear out in public.  My baby sister, Samara (She's 8, and the only member of my family that acutally likes me) pipes up that Jo is just jealous because if she wore those shoes she'd fall flat on her face.  Jo then makes an issue about my skirt length/tightness and how it isn't proper.  I told her it was this or I go in naked. 

Oh I forgot, the day before, when she flew home (Saturday) she calls me to talk.  Fine whatever.  We make nice nice talk and she mentions that she's sad because her friend's brother just gradutated and they won't be able to use his truck anymore.  I say "Oh Jo, guess what Matt just got a new truck."  She's quiet for a sec and she says "But this is a NICE truck."  Mind you she doesn't know WHAT kind of truck Matt has.  It happens to be a 2006 Silverado Extended cab with all the buttons, and he's getting the DVD players put in the back of the head rests in a few weeks.  But just the tone of voice she said it..... GRRRRRRRRR  She goes on to say that it's a F-150 and blah blah and I say "Well Matt's truck is way better than that!" (Yes I know I'm not 5 years old, SHUT UP)  I go on to explain how awesome the truck is and she cuts me short to talk about how she's going to donate her hair when she gets up here.  Honest to God I didn't think her hair was long enough, and I said so.  She gets all defensive and says "Ang, it's down to the middle of my back!"  I was just screwing around and I said "Oh YEAH!?!?!?!  Well mine's to my butt!"  (Matt screamed out LIAR, but I don't think she heard him.  She also didn't hear him when he was saying things like "My brain is bleeding.  Make her stop talking!").  She then went on a tirade about me having to turn everything into a competition, totally ignoring my cries that I was just joking.

Anyways.  Today.  The final straw.  I've been baking all day for Matt's coworkers' Christmas baskets.  Fudge, Bread, chocolate chip cookies, ect.  Spent a ton of money on ingredients, but I want it all to be perfect.  However, knowing my family, I set aside stuff that they can have.  Well Jo and Fram (Grandmother) come in from shopping.  I have just cleaned all the stuff and put it away so I could have a break, and the cookies are cooling on the rack.  I inform them that the fudge for the family is on the table, and Jo says "I want a cookie" and reaches for it.  I grab her hand and said "Not those.  The family cookeis are in the cookie jar."  I go get the jar and open it and put it on the counter (Smiling, because I really do try to be nice to her)  She pulls a cookie out and says "I don't want this one, I want a warm one." puts the cookie jar cookie on the cooling rack and picks up a fresh one.  I said "NO JO!  THOSE AREN'T FOR YOU!"  She eats it anyways. 

I flip out.  I'm SCREAMING at her.  "WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU?  WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!?!?!"  Fram is telling me to calm down, it's not a big deal.  I said "No because Jo did it its OK.  She can do no wrong."  Jo says "Besides it's not like you paid for the ingredients!"  I say "YEAH!  I DID!"and stomp up the stairs (Again like a 5 year old) swearing the whole way, listening to Jo comment about what a drama queen I am.

I went downstairs to get the phone after she left and apologized to my grandmother for yelling.  She said "Well there's no reason for it."  Me, (Being a TOTAL idiot) thought that she was saying there was no reason for me to apologize.  The was cleared up when she said "It was just a cookie."  I tried to explain that I said no and she took the cookie anyways.  Fram says "But she wanted a warm one, you just take one from the jar and put it in the basket." 

I then stomped upstairs and cried.  I'm still crying.  It's stupid and it's petty and I hate her so much.  I HATE that she has this control over me.  I hate that even though I know I'm infinitely cooler and prettier and better than her, she still makes me feel like the dirt beneath her shoe.  I hate that everyone else sees her as the pinnacle of Christian perfection, and that I'm the black sheep they'd rather not avow knowledge of.  Yes it was just a cookie but it was MY COOKIE DAMMIT! 

[greek4]

My sister has hated me since I was born.  Kill her with kindness, that is what i do and she gets really mad.  Then she will yell or hit and scream and then my Dad will crack down (Yes, I have 25 and she is 27 and Dad still has control over us) on her and all I get is the "Why do you have to piss her off?"  I just answer "If I stop breathing I will die and all I did was breath"  Then everyone laughs which pisses my sister off more.

Just hang in there, old habits are hard to break and if you guys are like us, it is old habit that I have to piss her off.  She is more than likely not happy since she is going to college to get a man and she feels you didn't have to do anything and you have a great one.  Let her one up you if it makes her feel better. 

And next time put laxatives in the cookies just for her.

[dohertyswissy]

It sounds like you have had a rough afternoon, sweetie.  The holidays are stressful enough without having to deal with a bratty relative.  Seems like we all got one though.  I guess the one thing I've learned in the past couple years, at the ripe old age of 28, is that I don't wanna be a lot of the things that my family would find "perfect."  I say bad words, I drink, and I'm not going to church every Sunday which gravely concerns my Mom.  I have my own thoughts and my worth is not tied up in whether I'm a wife or a mother, even though it is to a lot of my family (parents excluded, thank Goddess).  Sounds like you feel everyone appreciates elements of her and not the elements of magnificence that is ANG!  If certain members of your family can't appreciate that, well....just ignore them the best you can.  I like Emily's idea, be sickening sweet to her while you tell her to lay off your cookies.  It'll probably irriate the snot out of her, b/c it sounds to me like she is dying to get a reaction out of you...which makes her look like an angel, over there polishing her halo.  Therefore, she wins in the end.  DON'T LET HER DO IT GIRL!

Oh, and tell her to stick the darn cookie in the microwave! 

[NoDogNow]

20, huh?

This makes her your YOUNGER sister, right? 

It's your absolute privilege to kill her.

Do it. 

Really, just go take her out now. 

I'll testify on your behalf that it was a clear case of junior sibling provocation and that you just snapped!  Add to the normal baby sister irritation issue the whole college snoot-festness of her, and I think you've got an 80% chance at getting off. 

If you don't do kill her, you have to wait until you're about 38 and she's 36.  That's how long it took my brother to stop deliberately aggravating me.  (The only reason he and my sister are even alive is that the dogs protected them out of cupboard love, BELIEVE me!)  Can you wait that long?  I had to move far, far away....

I say go on, lay her out with an axe handle and let the dogs have her for lunch....

[Newf Lover]

You know the saying about family and fish, after a few days they both start to STINK!

[newflvr]

There's some of us that have divorced 99% of the family so 1)couldn't go to jail for murder and 2)wanted to live guilt free for the rest of life!  Sometimes you have to do the hard thing just to preserve what's left of you.  It's been 15 years...maybe not bliss but not misery either.

You ARE wonderful!  We've all taken a vote and you got the verdict....won derful.  So don't let them ruin you!

[Leah-n-boy-os]

Ang, is this at your house? If so, tell her she's not welcome anymore, and stick to it no matter how much of the family it pisses off. (trust me, I did this, and now the only person who speaks to me is my grandmother, the rebel that she is! )

If this is not the situation, my sympathies. Next year, I'll send you a SS gift of some Zanex, and a book on how to teach 'Nee how to pee on *only* her stuff!

Of course, for this year, you could always have 'Nee chew on some Alkazeltzer and chase her around the house foaming....... .

[Anky]

Ang, is this at your house? If so, tell her she's not welcome anymore, and stick to it no matter how much of the family it pisses off. (trust me, I did this, and now the only person who speaks to me is my grandmother, the rebel that she is! )

If this is not the situation, my sympathies. Next year, I'll send you a SS gift of some Zanex, and a book on how to teach 'Nee how to pee on *only* her stuff!

Of course, for this year, you could always have 'Nee chew on some Alkazeltzer and chase her around the house foaming....... .

I live with my grandparents for their health (Or lack thereof).  So I can't kick her out.  And as for Nee, she's terrified of him and he doesn't like her.  YAY for Neeners!  She flicks imaginary things at him to try and make him run away, and he just stands there staring at her.  She's weird. 

[Scootergirl]

She's obviously jealous of you since she has to pick out the most insignificant things to rag you on. And, you grandmother is only defending her because she sees you all the time and Jo not as much.

OK, maybe you over-reacted a little to the cookie incident out of principal. I can't say I wouldn't have done any different, mind you, but as an outsider it was a little hormonally irrational.

I agree with Greek: kill her with kindness, but you can still get your evil point across.

"Of course I can spare a warm cookie for my sister! And, besides, you'll only be wanting one since you want to watch that cute little figure of yours - don't want to get any closer to the Freshman 15 than you already have, right!"

"You're right. This skirt is a little short, but Matt loves it. When you have a boyfriend, you'll understand how important that is. Thanks for caring, though."

You get the idea?

[Nina]

 And I would have reacted the same way that you did with the cookie. If she wanted a warm one she coudl have microwaved one of the ones from the jar. She's just doing it to piss you off. You know what if you can beat em leave em. Why not pack up Nee and go spend the holidays with Matt and his family?

Nina

[Leah-n-boy-os]

"You're right. This skirt is a little short, but Matt loves it. When you have a boyfriend, you'll understand how important that is. Thanks for caring, though."

OOOOOooooooo, I *LOVE* this one...how perfectly, sweetly nasty! **evil chuckle**

[Anky]

Thanks guys!  I guess the part that really bothers me is I'm normally a take charge, no holds barred, take your crap and shove it in your face type of person.  When she's around I feel totally pathetic.  Not because she's awesome, but because she makes me feel pathetic. 

This is why I love you!   

[jabear]

I totallt agree wit you here Ang...sister can suck! I'm the oldest but have been in your position many times! Breath, enjoy Matt and try to see her as little as possible.

[DakotaMom]

I'm so sorry that you also have this problem.

My younger sister is the devil in disguise and it seems like the only one that sees it is me. She will lie and stab people in the back to get what she wants and they just keep coming back for more.

I am not the black sheep, but I tell our Mom some of the things that she does and says about her and it just gets swept under the carpet. She does not want to confront her because my sister lives with her along with her two kids and she doesn't want the stress. Then a couple of months ago she started working at the same place that my Mom and I work at. This has added a lot of stress to me because now everybody at work is telling me how great she is and I just want to scream at them and tell them that that is because they don't know her like I do.

I could go on and on about some of the things she has done and said but I have bored everyone enough.

[ZooCrew]

Ang your sister totally sounds exactly like mine, down to the last detail. (except I was the one that went to school, and she didn't............. not that bright of a gir)  I would ask if your parent's had twins and gave one up, but my sis is 26.

I think there has to be one person that everyone considers the black sheep in each family.  I'm my family's, which is why I can hardly stand to be around them.  The only person I can stand for more than 15 minutes is my brother.

I would have reacted in the same manner with the cookie, especially after working so hard on the goodie baskets.  It's the principal of the thing.  If I had done that, my mom's reaction would have been, "why can't you be nicer to your sister?  Some day you'll be sorry you don't get along better."  Yeah.......... ...I don't think so.  My sis has them wrapped around her little finger (still lives with her husband at my parents', mooching off their retirement)

Just leave the room for a few hours and try again.  I wish I could try the sacchrine sweet method, I just don't have it in me.  Temper, temper.