I was going to stay out of this post, really I was. That is how I stay out of trouble, I avoid the issues that really are upsetting to me. But I just can't help myself.
First of all, if Thunder really wanted a piece of dh, he would have had a big one, not just a couple of scratches. The aggression seems to be totally tied to you, and violence. Therefor you have to curb the violence and you have to bow out. That means, like Cricket said, dh has to take total control over the dog. HE must provide the food, the walks, the training, the affection and the play sessions, and you need to ignore the dog. TONS of positive reinforcement, but all from dh, nothing from you. Transfering velcro dog to him means that you must cease to exist where the dog is concerned.
Do not expect a quick fix. There is no such thing. It will be hard and a challange for all concerned.
This will not work if 1. Hubby will not cooperate 2. You cannot bow out.
If you feel you cannot keep the dog you have an obligation to contact the breeder and allow her to make the decision if she wants to make arrangements to take back the dog. It is all very well and good to rant about irresponcible breeders that do not care about the lives they bring into the world (and we have all seen the posts, even here)but the best breeder in the world can do nothing if they are not informed by the people that they have trusted with those lives. If she chooses not to make those arrangements, I encourage you to contact a dane rescue and surrender the dog, as they can and most will get to the bottom of the behavior issues and take the time and make the effort to rehabilatate such a young animal.
Before anyone decides that I am being too harsh and that I am talking out of my hat, let me say that 10 years ago we rescued an abused doberman. She hated men, and was fear-aggressive. Loud noises or violence toward anyone, even yelling would set her off. And once set off, the damage those teeth and jaws could do was extensive, trust me. It took well over a year for her to trust my dh using the above methods, and another year before strangers could come in the house without constant vigilence. But every minute was worth it. She is 11 now, and a valued member of our family.
Stella