My Husband is leaving me

[lins_saving_grace]

Oh that is BS- I agree- He not only needs to leave you the house- but he needs to support you until you can support yourself- You have taken care of him, his children, his home etc for 7 years- that is not some thing that he is going to walk away from with no strings attached. If you are worried financially about the lawyer- go to legal aid- or a Womens group. I bet that they can help. Sounds like he has someone else-they dont just get bored and want something different with out a reason. Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you. Arent you in Texas? or am I just off track as usual?

you may also qualify for Pro Bono representation .

[EllieAndBlu]

Thanks everyone....He didnt kick me out I just called my parents cause I had to leave for the night. I am going home today. I still love him, I called him and talked but he wont change his mind so I guess its really over I never thought this would ever happen, I thought we were fine together, happy. We went out to eat and then me and Skyla went to get him a father's day gift. When we got home he sat on the bed and looked me in the eyes and said "I dont want to spend forever with you" I thought he was joking, but sadly he wasnt. I got no sleep last night, all I could think of was him saying that. I am still in shock and my heart is crushed!!!!!! Whats really sad is Myranda is gone for the summer and I dont know how to tell her. And as for Skyla  she is such a daddy's girl this will break her!!! I am so lost, my stomach is just sick. I was hoping when I woke up this would all be a dream but its not. My husband is really leaving me. I have no job, no money, and I dont know how to drive...I am such a loser. I have a lot to do to get on my feet and I have to do it all raising 2 daughters on my own! And he just bought me an Afghan Hound puppy last Saturday, she is 5 months old, and she will probably be going back to her breeder. I told him if he knew he wasnt happy with me he shouldnt of bought me her. His reasoning for leaving me is he isnt happy and its not there anymore?!?!?!?! He hasnt been happy in over a year And here I thought everything was good between us Im so sick, I was thought I would grow old with him, I still love him and dont want this. I dont know how to go on without him

Oh Sweetie - you are NOT a lower! I know you are in shock and feeling like your world is turned upside down.... but you are going to be okay. You have to somehow find a way to focus on the girls and your boys. They are depending on you and will look to you to feel secure. You can do it and in the process empower yourself to see you deserve way better!

I hope the anger sets in sooner rather than later, cause I have to say I am fuming! How dare he - what a cowardly, spineless move. Seriously, smoke is friggin' coming out of my ears.

Please get a lawyer to protect you and the kids (2 & 4 legged)TODAY!

Sending you tons of hugs.

[Nicole]

Oh Blair.

I'm really sorry. I can't say anything that everyone else hasn't said. You ARE NOT a loser! Don't ever say or think that. HE is the loser. You have been his partner, his best friend, the mother of his CHILDREN. That means a whole lot more than driving or whatever. HE is the one making this decision and Stella and Tina are RIGHT. Get PI$$ED and think about what he is doing to YOUR kids. He has NO RIGHT.

If he wasn't and isn't happy, it is his responsibility to be a big boy and seek counseling and figure out how to get happy in a way that doesn't devastate the people that are counting on him.

Take that pup back to her breeder, focus yourself and take care of you and Skyla and Myranda! (and the boys!

[lins_saving_grace]

emrace your anger.  let it out...on him.  That is frankly a lame excuse for his immature decision.  people try to sugar coat things they don't want to or don't know how to express in any other way.  sometimes we don't always get the answers we want out of life and we have to accept that too! 
you will get stronger from this and you will learn to love that.  let that define you...not your husband. 

[PennyK]

Coming out of a recently broken 8yr marriage, I can tell you that there are so many options available that you probably don't realize.  Get a consult with a lawyer - RIGHT AWAY!  

The other BPO'ers are right too, put the heartache aside for now, and muster up the courage and strength that all mother's inately posess, to do what needs to be done.  Fight him for all he's worth - for your girls!  He needs to support them (and you!) - its the law!

My heart is breaking for you girl.  I know a bit about how it feels (though, I fell out of love with my husband years ago but it still hurts).  I know the overwhelmed feelings you have going on right now.  We are here for you!!!

[bluskygirl]

Wow. First, I am sorry that this is happening to you. I know where you are at; I've been there. What got me through it was telling myself over and over again that someday in the near future I'll look at my situation and be thankful that it happened. That some morning, I'll wake up and realize that the door that was slammed in my face opened up 6 others and all the great things about my life are there because that door was slammed. I would tell myself that every day and one day it was finally true. I know it hurts now, and feels like nothing's ever going to be ok or be the way it's supposed to be. I understand you're feeling of being lost. Your husband is not the man who was meant for you. Someone better, more devoted, more loving and more wonderful was and so this is just part of your journey.

When things finally got better for me, I realized how many things were truly wrong with the way he treated me. I just loved him too much at the time to see it. I think as time moves on you'll find your own strength- in places you didn't even know about- and you'll find reasons for why this was a good thing in the end. I realize this is all down the road, and I am not trying to trivialize how you're feeling now. I just wanted to let you know that you'll survive... you'll THRIVE!!!!! I know it. If you need anything, we are all here for you Blair.

Angeleen

[lins_saving_grace]

Wow. First, I am sorry that this is happening to you. I know where you are at; I've been there. What got me through it was telling myself over and over again that someday in the near future I'll look at my situation and be thankful that it happened. That some morning, I'll wake up and realize that the door that was slammed in my face opened up 6 others and all the great things about my life are there because that door was slammed. I would tell myself that every day and one day it was finally true. I know it hurts now, and feels like nothing's ever going to be ok or be the way it's supposed to be. I understand you're feeling of being lost. Your husband is not the man who was meant for you. Someone better, more devoted, more loving and more wonderful was and so this is just part of your journey.

When things finally got better for me, I realized how many things were truly wrong with the way he treated me. I just loved him too much at the time to see it. I think as time moves on you'll find your own strength- in places you didn't even know about- and you'll find reasons for why this was a good thing in the end. I realize this is all down the road, and I am not trying to trivialize how you're feeling now. I just wanted to let you know that you'll survive... you'll THRIVE!!!!! I know it. If you need anything, we are all here for you Blair.

Angeleen

AMEN!!!!!!! and that's exactly how it is.  you define your life not your husband.  there are more glorious things outside this institution of marriage we often embrace a little too tightly.  
and you need to be outside the institution to see how badly this one worked itself into a mess.  Once outside of the situation you will see things a lot differently.  
this is not a completely life shattering event.  it is like angeleen express also...an opportunity to find a different path and a better path for you and your family.   and you will enjoy the thriving in your new life.

[lins_saving_grace]

Blair,

I'm so sorry.  I can't imagine the pain, hurt and disbelief.  BUT it's time to get mad.  Get Momma Bear mad.  Get your lawyer, stay in the house and give him the heave-ho.

You are not a loser. You are a good person and a great mom. 

Maybe this is a great time for you to embrace a new experience. Do you have a friend that will take you to the DMV to get a learner's permit?  It's easier that it looks and a smart girl like you will pick it up in no time at all.  Show him that you don't have to depend on him!  Show him that you are strong.  He's not, or he'd be a man and try to work through this.  You're going to be okay, I promise.

Big hugs, Blair.

Julie

Again AMEN!!!!  I agree.  show him you can live without him.  It's BLAIR TIME!!!!!!!   you can i repeat CAN do this! 

[DoDadsandDanes]

I am soo soo sorry to here your story!
What the h*ll is going on in this world?!?! This is the THIRD story I have heard in the last 2 months IDENTICAL to this. One of them being my own sister who has been married 14 years!!
Same thing- BLIND SIDED!! No idea at all. This is just crazy! She also has 2 little girls.
"I just cant do it anymore" that was his reasoning...He y guys, we all feel like running away sometimes...BU T WE DONT!!
B*st**ds.. 
Just keep reminding yourself that its his loss!! You cant change his mind but you can change your own....take care of yourself FIRST, so you can better take care of the girls (and boys)..
Good things can and do happen to good people...
Maybe the circumstances were different, but when I got divorced 11 yrs ago, I was alone with five kids under the age of 8.. obviously I had to get a job so I worked the overnights (while my kids were asleep and my mom lived with us) I was exhausted to say the least and figured Id always be alone. Who the heck would ever want anyone with 5 kids? Well, I did meet someone..
No more details on that cause if I were you (and when I was you) I would have said "just shut the h*ll up Lisa! I dont want to hear your happy stories, Im  wallowing in my own problems right now.."  and you would be right...
Just put it in the back of your mind for now..good things can and will happen for you...
Oh yah, and remember to fix yourself up real pretty and make him eat his heart out every time he sees you...

[Ice Blue]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. From my experiences, I know that people are only given things in life they can handle, so you are one strong Woman. You remember that. You will get through this. You have friends and strangers supporting you. You've even got a whole BPO army behind you 

[Blair]

Im home and I am not leaving my house!!! My parents are keeping Skyla for the time being. Ben will be home after work and we are going to talk. My mother got a name of one of the top divorce/ custody lawyers that I will be calling ASAP. She will drain Ben of everything and make damn sure he doesnt try to take Skyla from me!!! As soon as I walked in my house my stomach got sick!!! I talked to him 3 times today and he wont change his mind, its over!! All I want is a reason, I deserve that and he isnt giving me one. I am trying to get anger but its so hard when I still love him. I am going back to school, I am going to better myself and give my girls a better life without him!!! I have depended on him for 7 yrs and he just ups and leaves me. I am crushed, sad and heartbroken but I wont let him see that. I can do this, I am trying to be strong but its so hard!! I never thought this would ever happen, never!!

[Anakalia]

OH wow, Blair I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!  Sounds like you're doing all the right things and staying strong for you and the girls! 

[Nina]

I know that you want a reason and you deserve one, but you may never get one. Don't dwell on that as it will prevent you from moving on. It's obvious that he is only thinking of himself. If he wasn't he would be willing to talk and go to counselling and try and work on what you have spent 7 years on.   Grr I'm angry for you! You are worth so much more. I know you love him, and I hope that you aren't angry at what I am saying. You have spent 7 years of your life taking care of him and your children, putting all above yourself. Now it is time for YOU! Prove to him and yourself that you CAN make it without him. You don't need him. You are a strong person I know that you will be fine.

I do hope that he will talk to you and that things can be worked out without much conflict.

Nina

[k2campbell]

Blair, I'm so sorry sweetie. I don't think I can add anything than what's already been said by everyone here, just know we're all thinking of you and are here for you. I'm so sorry 

[Blair]

Well we talked and its over....He says he will help pay the bills till I get on my feet. He got upset when I told I am getting a lawyer though and said I wont get much out of him. We yelled and I cryed and he never tried to hug me or comfort me so I know its over. I feel empty now. In all honesty I dont see how I can support me and the girls and the dogs. I dont know what will happen, but I know he will be very upset when my lawyer contacts him, then all H*ll will break. I am scared, I have never lived alone. I am home alone right now so I think I will go break down now and go break somethings