Big Paws Only Dog Forums
BPO Off Topic Forum => Anything Non-Dog Related => : Blair June 14, 2007, 10:20:29 AM
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After 7 yrs of being together married...my husband up and tells me he doesnt want to spend forever with me...no reason or anything. I am in shocked and I havne no clue what to do. I have NO money and only place to leave is with my parents, which I cant take the boys. I have no money to keep them...I have no money to support myself :'( I am so lost...my heart is broken!!! I thought everything was great but I was completely wrong. I dont know what to do :'( :'( >:( :'( :'(
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OMG! I am so sorry! I don't even know what to say right now :'( Let me gather my thoughts... ???
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OMG, I am so sorry. Don't know what to say either. Why are you the one who has to leave the house?
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I know this kinda sounds dumb at a time like this but I'm really, really sorry. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now the shock,pain,anger... pls know I am here to offer support in any way ~ sending you a big hug
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Tomorrow is another day. sometimes when we least expect it tomorrow brings us something we didn't expect or want but something that is in our destiny anyway.
There's a saying that got me through a lot of hard times this last year and a half...from the beginning of my now ex husband's drinking binge to the end of my marriage....th e saying goes something like this. "God wouldn't give us a mountain we can't climb." i know that's not comforting to you right this minute, but someday when you've gotten over this mountain you'll look back and say "God was right and I got over that mountain." whether the end result is good or bad, things will work themselves through.
so for now let your heart break and tomorrow attack that mountain.
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Oh my gosh Blair , I can't believe this is happening to you ! I am so sorry , please know I am praying for you , all of BPO is here for you !
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What I always say " whatever happens, happens for a reason"
It always worked for me. You will get through it girl! PM me if you need to talk
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Oh, Blair!! I am so, so sorry!! That is just such a sucky thing to have to deal with. But I definitely agree with Navarre...why do you need to leave the house? Part of leaving a marriage is taking care of the financial commitments you made. He needs to pay for you and the girls and the boys to stay in that house or, at the very least, get another decent one that is more affordable. I know it's the last thing you feel like doing when you're feeling crushed like this, but you need to see a lawyer first thing tomorrow.
definately talk to a lawyer!!!!
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Tomorrow is another day. sometimes when we least expect it tomorrow brings us something we didn't expect or want but something that is in our destiny anyway.
There's a saying that got me through a lot of hard times this last year and a half...from the beginning of my now ex husband's drinking binge to the end of my marriage....th e saying goes something like this. "God wouldn't give us a mountain we can't climb." i know that's not comforting to you right this minute, but someday when you've gotten over this mountain you'll look back and say "God was right and I got over that mountain." whether the end result is good or bad, things will work themselves through.
so for now let your heart break and tomorrow attack that mountain.
I love that!! One that I like, that I'm working with at the moment, is: God's will, will never give you more than God's grace can get you through.
I don't know if that's exactly right, but that's what I tell myself.
And I will fourth, or whatever number we're on, getting a lawyer.
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Tomorrow is another day. sometimes when we least expect it tomorrow brings us something we didn't expect or want but something that is in our destiny anyway.
There's a saying that got me through a lot of hard times this last year and a half...from the beginning of my now ex husband's drinking binge to the end of my marriage....th e saying goes something like this. "God wouldn't give us a mountain we can't climb." i know that's not comforting to you right this minute, but someday when you've gotten over this mountain you'll look back and say "God was right and I got over that mountain." whether the end result is good or bad, things will work themselves through.
so for now let your heart break and tomorrow attack that mountain.
I love that!! One that I like, that I'm working with at the moment, is: God's will, will never give you more than God's grace can get you through.
I don't know if that's exactly right, but that's what I tell myself.
And I will fourth, or whatever number we're on, getting a lawyer.
thank you! i like yours too. more eliquant than mine...but it gets you through the same expecially when we need it most.
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I am very sorry as well. You WILL get through this and come out a stronger (and happier) woman because of it, just too soon to think about that now. I would refuse to leave my home, plain and simple. He can't just tell you to leave if that is what is happening. Get the lawyer, as horrible a thought as court is, it can be necessary in situations like these. Best of luck to you and your family. :( HUGS :)
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So sorry you have to deal with this sucky situtation,but I must agree,he wants to leave let him do the leaving and by all means get a lawyer.
He obviously has thought about this,and probably already has one.I agree with whoever said let your heart break and attack the mountian.
You can grieve latter,put yourself and the girls and puppers 1st.
Tricia and the fur kids
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Oh that is BS- I agree- He not only needs to leave you the house- but he needs to support you until you can support yourself- You have taken care of him, his children, his home etc for 7 years- that is not some thing that he is going to walk away from with no strings attached. If you are worried financially about the lawyer- go to legal aid- or a Womens group. I bet that they can help. Sounds like he has someone else-they dont just get bored and want something different with out a reason. Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you. Arent you in Texas? or am I just off track as usual?
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Thanks everyone....He didnt kick me out I just called my parents cause I had to leave for the night. I am going home today. I still love him, I called him and talked but he wont change his mind so I guess its really over :'( I never thought this would ever happen, I thought we were fine together, happy. We went out to eat and then me and Skyla went to get him a father's day gift. When we got home he sat on the bed and looked me in the eyes and said "I dont want to spend forever with you" I thought he was joking, but sadly he wasnt. I got no sleep last night, all I could think of was him saying that. I am still in shock and my heart is crushed!!!!!! Whats really sad is Myranda is gone for the summer and I dont know how to tell her. And as for Skyla :'( she is such a daddy's girl this will break her!!! I am so lost, my stomach is just sick. I was hoping when I woke up this would all be a dream but its not. My husband is really leaving me. I have no job, no money, and I dont know how to drive...I am such a loser. I have a lot to do to get on my feet and I have to do it all raising 2 daughters on my own! And he just bought me an Afghan Hound puppy last Saturday, she is 5 months old, and she will probably be going back to her breeder. I told him if he knew he wasnt happy with me he shouldnt of bought me her. His reasoning for leaving me is he isnt happy and its not there anymore?!?!?!?! He hasnt been happy in over a year :o And here I thought everything was good between us :'( Im so sick, I was thought I would grow old with him, I still love him and dont want this. I dont know how to go on without him :'( :'(
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I'm so sorry Blair. I know you must be devestated.
But now the b*tch is gonna come out. Get him Blair. If he thinks he can just tell you you have to leave the house that you have made a home with two young children, he and his pea brain are looney. You stay put. You get a lawyer. And you take that loser to court and let him see what a statement like that is going to cost him.
This may sound insensative but you need to show your daughters that no one can do that to anyone. They need to see their mother be strong and know that she is and will do what she needs to do for their sake. Fall apart when they are not home, but try, try to let them see you strong.
Plus you have a family here that will push you and help you do what you need to do.
I'm sorry if I sound like I'm on a tear. But I really get hot under the collar when I see things like this happen to nice people.
I second all of this. I realize that you are hurt and confused, but put that aside and get MAD. Anger is a great tool against grief and doormattedness . He has no right to evict you, much less your girls on a moments notice.
Like Tina, I am sorry that this sounds like a tear, but I am sick and tired of hearing about self-indulgent, self centered people tearing apart the lives of others to "find themselves" or "find happiness". If you are an adult and still lost, still in immature teenaged bewilderment, stay that way--yourself ain't worth finding.
Stella
I couldn't have said any of this better myself!
Blair - I am so, so sorry you are having to go through this. You, the girls and your boys deserve way better! hang in there and take care of you and your babies! Please know we are all here for you!
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Oh that is BS- I agree- He not only needs to leave you the house- but he needs to support you until you can support yourself- You have taken care of him, his children, his home etc for 7 years- that is not some thing that he is going to walk away from with no strings attached. If you are worried financially about the lawyer- go to legal aid- or a Womens group. I bet that they can help. Sounds like he has someone else-they dont just get bored and want something different with out a reason. Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you. Arent you in Texas? or am I just off track as usual?
you may also qualify for Pro Bono representation .
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Thanks everyone....He didnt kick me out I just called my parents cause I had to leave for the night. I am going home today. I still love him, I called him and talked but he wont change his mind so I guess its really over :'( I never thought this would ever happen, I thought we were fine together, happy. We went out to eat and then me and Skyla went to get him a father's day gift. When we got home he sat on the bed and looked me in the eyes and said "I dont want to spend forever with you" I thought he was joking, but sadly he wasnt. I got no sleep last night, all I could think of was him saying that. I am still in shock and my heart is crushed!!!!!! Whats really sad is Myranda is gone for the summer and I dont know how to tell her. And as for Skyla :'( she is such a daddy's girl this will break her!!! I am so lost, my stomach is just sick. I was hoping when I woke up this would all be a dream but its not. My husband is really leaving me. I have no job, no money, and I dont know how to drive...I am such a loser. I have a lot to do to get on my feet and I have to do it all raising 2 daughters on my own! And he just bought me an Afghan Hound puppy last Saturday, she is 5 months old, and she will probably be going back to her breeder. I told him if he knew he wasnt happy with me he shouldnt of bought me her. His reasoning for leaving me is he isnt happy and its not there anymore?!?!?!?! He hasnt been happy in over a year :o And here I thought everything was good between us :'( Im so sick, I was thought I would grow old with him, I still love him and dont want this. I dont know how to go on without him :'( :'(
Oh Sweetie - you are NOT a lower! I know you are in shock and feeling like your world is turned upside down.... but you are going to be okay. You have to somehow find a way to focus on the girls and your boys. They are depending on you and will look to you to feel secure. You can do it and in the process empower yourself to see you deserve way better!
I hope the anger sets in sooner rather than later, cause I have to say I am fuming! How dare he - what a cowardly, spineless move. Seriously, smoke is friggin' coming out of my ears.
Please get a lawyer to protect you and the kids (2 & 4 legged)TODAY!
Sending you tons of hugs.
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Oh Blair.
I'm really sorry. I can't say anything that everyone else hasn't said. You ARE NOT a loser! Don't ever say or think that. HE is the loser. You have been his partner, his best friend, the mother of his CHILDREN. That means a whole lot more than driving or whatever. HE is the one making this decision and Stella and Tina are RIGHT. Get PI$$ED and think about what he is doing to YOUR kids. He has NO RIGHT.
If he wasn't and isn't happy, it is his responsibility to be a big boy and seek counseling and figure out how to get happy in a way that doesn't devastate the people that are counting on him.
Take that pup back to her breeder, focus yourself and take care of you and Skyla and Myranda! (and the boys! ;)
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emrace your anger. let it out...on him. That is frankly a lame excuse for his immature decision. people try to sugar coat things they don't want to or don't know how to express in any other way. sometimes we don't always get the answers we want out of life and we have to accept that too!
you will get stronger from this and you will learn to love that. let that define you...not your husband. :)
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Coming out of a recently broken 8yr marriage, I can tell you that there are so many options available that you probably don't realize. Get a consult with a lawyer - RIGHT AWAY!
The other BPO'ers are right too, put the heartache aside for now, and muster up the courage and strength that all mother's inately posess, to do what needs to be done. Fight him for all he's worth - for your girls! He needs to support them (and you!) - its the law!
My heart is breaking for you girl. I know a bit about how it feels (though, I fell out of love with my husband years ago but it still hurts). I know the overwhelmed feelings you have going on right now. We are here for you!!!
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Wow. First, I am sorry that this is happening to you. I know where you are at; I've been there. What got me through it was telling myself over and over again that someday in the near future I'll look at my situation and be thankful that it happened. That some morning, I'll wake up and realize that the door that was slammed in my face opened up 6 others and all the great things about my life are there because that door was slammed. I would tell myself that every day and one day it was finally true. I know it hurts now, and feels like nothing's ever going to be ok or be the way it's supposed to be. I understand you're feeling of being lost. Your husband is not the man who was meant for you. Someone better, more devoted, more loving and more wonderful was and so this is just part of your journey.
When things finally got better for me, I realized how many things were truly wrong with the way he treated me. I just loved him too much at the time to see it. I think as time moves on you'll find your own strength- in places you didn't even know about- and you'll find reasons for why this was a good thing in the end. I realize this is all down the road, and I am not trying to trivialize how you're feeling now. I just wanted to let you know that you'll survive... you'll THRIVE!!!!! I know it. If you need anything, we are all here for you Blair.
Angeleen
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Wow. First, I am sorry that this is happening to you. I know where you are at; I've been there. What got me through it was telling myself over and over again that someday in the near future I'll look at my situation and be thankful that it happened. That some morning, I'll wake up and realize that the door that was slammed in my face opened up 6 others and all the great things about my life are there because that door was slammed. I would tell myself that every day and one day it was finally true. I know it hurts now, and feels like nothing's ever going to be ok or be the way it's supposed to be. I understand you're feeling of being lost. Your husband is not the man who was meant for you. Someone better, more devoted, more loving and more wonderful was and so this is just part of your journey.
When things finally got better for me, I realized how many things were truly wrong with the way he treated me. I just loved him too much at the time to see it. I think as time moves on you'll find your own strength- in places you didn't even know about- and you'll find reasons for why this was a good thing in the end. I realize this is all down the road, and I am not trying to trivialize how you're feeling now. I just wanted to let you know that you'll survive... you'll THRIVE!!!!! I know it. If you need anything, we are all here for you Blair.
Angeleen
AMEN!!!!!!! and that's exactly how it is. you define your life not your husband. there are more glorious things outside this institution of marriage we often embrace a little too tightly.
and you need to be outside the institution to see how badly this one worked itself into a mess. Once outside of the situation you will see things a lot differently.
this is not a completely life shattering event. it is like angeleen express also...an opportunity to find a different path and a better path for you and your family. and you will enjoy the thriving in your new life.
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Blair,
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain, hurt and disbelief. BUT it's time to get mad. Get Momma Bear mad. Get your lawyer, stay in the house and give him the heave-ho.
You are not a loser. You are a good person and a great mom.
Maybe this is a great time for you to embrace a new experience. Do you have a friend that will take you to the DMV to get a learner's permit? It's easier that it looks and a smart girl like you will pick it up in no time at all. Show him that you don't have to depend on him! Show him that you are strong. He's not, or he'd be a man and try to work through this. You're going to be okay, I promise.
Big hugs, Blair.
Julie
Again AMEN!!!! I agree. show him you can live without him. It's BLAIR TIME!!!!!!! you can i repeat CAN do this!
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I am soo soo sorry to here your story!
What the h*ll is going on in this world?!?! This is the THIRD story I have heard in the last 2 months IDENTICAL to this. One of them being my own sister who has been married 14 years!!
Same thing- BLIND SIDED!! No idea at all. This is just crazy! She also has 2 little girls.
"I just cant do it anymore" that was his reasoning...He y guys, we all feel like running away sometimes...BU T WE DONT!!
B*st**ds.. >:(
Just keep reminding yourself that its his loss!! You cant change his mind but you can change your own....take care of yourself FIRST, so you can better take care of the girls (and boys)..
Good things can and do happen to good people...
Maybe the circumstances were different, but when I got divorced 11 yrs ago, I was alone with five kids under the age of 8.. obviously I had to get a job so I worked the overnights (while my kids were asleep and my mom lived with us) I was exhausted to say the least and figured Id always be alone. Who the heck would ever want anyone with 5 kids? Well, I did meet someone..
No more details on that cause if I were you (and when I was you) I would have said "just shut the h*ll up Lisa! I dont want to hear your happy stories, Im wallowing in my own problems right now.." and you would be right...
Just put it in the back of your mind for now..good things can and will happen for you...
Oh yah, and remember to fix yourself up real pretty and make him eat his heart out every time he sees you... ;)
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I'm so sorry this is happening to you. From my experiences, I know that people are only given things in life they can handle, so you are one strong Woman. You remember that. You will get through this. You have friends and strangers supporting you. You've even got a whole BPO army behind you ;)
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Im home and I am not leaving my house!!! My parents are keeping Skyla for the time being. Ben will be home after work and we are going to talk. My mother got a name of one of the top divorce/ custody lawyers that I will be calling ASAP. She will drain Ben of everything and make damn sure he doesnt try to take Skyla from me!!! As soon as I walked in my house my stomach got sick!!! I talked to him 3 times today and he wont change his mind, its over!! All I want is a reason, I deserve that and he isnt giving me one. I am trying to get anger but its so hard when I still love him. I am going back to school, I am going to better myself and give my girls a better life without him!!! I have depended on him for 7 yrs and he just ups and leaves me. I am crushed, sad and heartbroken but I wont let him see that. I can do this, I am trying to be strong but its so hard!! I never thought this would ever happen, never!!
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OH wow, Blair I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! Sounds like you're doing all the right things and staying strong for you and the girls!
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I know that you want a reason and you deserve one, but you may never get one. Don't dwell on that as it will prevent you from moving on. It's obvious that he is only thinking of himself. If he wasn't he would be willing to talk and go to counselling and try and work on what you have spent 7 years on. >:( Grr I'm angry for you! You are worth so much more. I know you love him, and I hope that you aren't angry at what I am saying. You have spent 7 years of your life taking care of him and your children, putting all above yourself. Now it is time for YOU! Prove to him and yourself that you CAN make it without him. You don't need him. You are a strong person I know that you will be fine.
I do hope that he will talk to you and that things can be worked out without much conflict.
Nina
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Blair, I'm so sorry sweetie. I don't think I can add anything than what's already been said by everyone here, just know we're all thinking of you and are here for you. I'm so sorry :-*
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Well we talked and its over....He says he will help pay the bills till I get on my feet. He got upset when I told I am getting a lawyer though and said I wont get much out of him. We yelled and I cryed and he never tried to hug me or comfort me so I know its over. I feel empty now. In all honesty I dont see how I can support me and the girls and the dogs. I dont know what will happen, but I know he will be very upset when my lawyer contacts him, then all H*ll will break. I am scared, I have never lived alone. I am home alone right now so I think I will go break down now and go break somethings
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Blair, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I can't add anything else that hasn't already been said. Just know that you can get through this and we are all here for you. I'm in Houston so if you need anything just let me know and I'll see what I can do to help.
By the way, I know that if you slam the microwave door super hard you can get the door to fall off the hinges and break the microwave.
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Blair keep your chin up and don't give up.Get a lawyer now and get an order of support in place now,that way he has to help with the bills or face the court.Another way to help support yourself is Ebay,if you aren't using it sell it.As far as being alone it is hard to get used to at first.I have been divorced almost a year now,when my ex first moved out it seemed so weird,I too had never lived alone.I can tell you now though I don't know if I ever want to live with anyone again.I can do whatever I want whenever I want and no one can say a word about it.Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts your way.
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He got upset when I told I am getting a lawyer though and said I wont get much out of him.
He needs to remember that it isn't YOU getting money out of HIM. The courts will decide what is appropriate for child support and possibly spousal support, not you. If he wants to be mad at anyone, he can try being mad at himself or the legal system, but he has a moral & a legal responsibility to support his children, and that isn't something that YOU are doing to HIM. Grrrrr........ >:( Oh and BTW, if you are afraid that he will get angry or violent towards you, by all means tell your attorney that too. The lawyer will know what to do to help keep you safe if that is a concern of yours.
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Stay strong girl, and if you really want to break things I sugguest HIS things, not things you may need for yourself and the rest of tour family.
The garage is a good place to start. ;D
Hang in there,your life is on a new path and all good things will come your way.But like most things in life you will need to go through a lot of crap to get there.
Hang in there you have us and it sounds like your Mom has the right idea.
Tricia and the fur kids
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Im all dressed up and going out tonight!!!!! And I may add...i think I look pretty darn good LOL Oh and NO wedding ring on my finger :D
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that's good, i hope you have a wonderfull time! you deserve it
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Oh hun, I am so sorry!!!! I missed this thread earlier since things have been kind of busy and I've only been popping in quick when I have a sec. My MSN is also acting up, it keeps restarting, but I'll try and see if I can figure out whats up with it. Sending lots of hugs & feel free to drop me a line if you need too!!! You can do it, you're a strong person... definitely NOT a loser!!! *muah*
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If he thinks he can just tell you you have to leave the house that you have made a home with two young children, he and his pea brain are looney. You stay put. You get a lawyer. And you take that loser to court and let him see what a statement like that is going to cost him.
This may sound insensitive but you need to show your daughters that no one can do that to anyone.
AMEN, sister! I second that. He's not much of a man or father if he wants to throw his children out of their home, away from their friends, schools, activities, etc.
Hang in there, Blair honey! You have support here. I'll be praying for you and your(skin&fur)kids. (((((HUGS)))))
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Im all dressed up and going out tonight!!!!! And I may add...i think I look pretty darn good LOL Oh and NO wedding ring on my finger :D
Im sure everyone here wants an update your night out...
Hope you didnt do anything we wouldnt do.. ;) ;) ;)
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Blair,
I agree with was has been said so far. You have to protect you, your girls & the pups future & the best way is with an attorney. You are a good person, shared your heart & soul and he took advantage of that. You are a strong woman and you will become stronger each day because you will fight for what you deserve. Turn your focus on you, the girls & the pups and don't waste negative energy on that nit-wit. I hope you get all the good things in life that you deserve, that are coming your way. It stinks when people hurt other people like this, it is unbelievably selfish. You will come away from this a stronger person with loving kids that know there Mom cares a great deal for them.
Hang in there. Sending you hugs & support from Jersey.
Anita & the 4 Newfies from NJ
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AW Blair my heart dropped when I read your post. I think everyone has given you great advice. You are a strong person and the strength you think you don't have will come from within. You are a great person who shows her love and compassion through your daughters and dogs. Whatever lays ahead for you will make you stronger and wiser. You take care of yourself the girls and the boys, they are number one(including yourself)Keeping you and your family in our thoughts.
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Blair I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. I don't have any advice to give, but others have given you some great advice on here. this will be a new chapter in your life.......... ..you now have the freedom to decide how it is written.