i feel i wasn't fair with my husband's presentation, he's not the bad guy here... he is just a 'normal' person (meaning, he never had pets), and he never lived with mine either, cos i moved with him 3 years ago (to another country, no less !!!), after living with my parents and my dogs for my entire life... however, i kept visiting my dog every 3 months, so it wasn't extremely painful, so to say, even if it was hard enough to have to leave him (my dog, i mean) all the time...
anyway, my husband started to 'denormalize' (hehe) under my influence, he watches 'animal planet', notices animals in the street (for example, birds that fly too low and get killed by cars, cos they end up under the tyres, well, he saves them, by slowing down, while before me he never used to notice such stuff), he wanted a dog one day (when we would have a house with a yard), and i say 'wanted' because lately he's changed his mind, saying that i can't handle losing pets (which seems true)... however, i'm pretty sure that he would feel the same if he had lived even 3-4 years with a dog or something, especially since i've made him more sensitive to this in the last 3 years... but now i understand him, cos he speaks without knowing how it really feels... anyway, he's also scared at the thought that i might be too depressed even after having a baby, which would make the baby (an innocent creature) miserable... i don't know what to answer to this, i wonder myself what will happen, all i can do is hope that i won't hurt anybody (he says i already do that, cos he suffers every time i cry, every time i go to the park and get lost in a world of my own, a world of memories, every time that we go out with friends and i suddenly become silent and uninterested, not cos he's selfish and wants attention, but cos he's scared i might lose it and remain in that world of mine)...
i'm not trying to defend him, but i do love him immensely and he deserves to be treated as a good person, not as an enemy, cos he's trying to deal with my being like this all of a sudden, just as i'm trying to deal with my sudden loss... everything happened too quickly, for both of us... the first few days, he tried to comfort me, hugging me and explaining why beings have to die, why i should be happy it happened now and not later, why i should be optimistic and so on, but on friday he tried the 'shock therapy' (a very poor idea, as i told him later, when i calmed down), telling me that if i don't snap out of it i'll ruin my health and my life, leaving him in the helpless state of watching me suffering... he said my dog would definitely not want me to do this, and i know he's right, but i told him it's too soon for me to behave otherwise, cos a week of grieving is not a big deal, it doesn't do much for a broken heart... anyway, now we are ok, i explained to him that he needs to leave me alone in my world, just to be there in case i need support, and he agreed, as long as he won't have to say one day 'i told you so !', as long as i do make progress towards recovery... we will see, i guess...
however, in august we are at the seaside, i won't have any internet, i won't be able to speak with my mom much, so it'll be extremely hard for me, cos only my family (my mom, especially, being the second mother my dog had, after i moved away from home) and the people on this forum can understand me and not try to 'help' me get over my loss too soon...
i wonder, though, can a baby fill in the void ? can it make me see life as beautiful as i saw it when i had my dog near me ? he'd better, otherwise i may be committing the sin of putting an animal on a higher level than a baby... anyway, my dog will always have a special place in my heart, baby or no baby... at least, i hope so...Â