Kinda long, but bear with me
A LETTER TO MY PET
Dear dog/and or cat,
When I say move, it means go someplace else, not switch places so that there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim to it becoming your food dish, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me does not help as I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continueto sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to your fullest extent. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end is an effort to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature frisbees.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bahroom. If by some miracle I beat you in there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine/meow, try and get your paw under the door, or try to turn the knob. I must exit throught the same door that I entered. (IN addition, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine/feline attendance is not manditory.)
The proper order is to kiss me then go smell the other dogs or cats. I cannot stress this enough.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on the front door...Notice to all non-pet owners and other visitors who like to visit and complain about or pets....1) They live here, you don't. 2)If you don't want their hair on your clothes,stay off the furniture. 3) I like my animals better than most people. 4) To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challanged.
Dogs and Cats are better thn kids. They eat less, don't ask for money, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't drive your car,don't drink or smoke, don't worry about the latest fashions, or wear my clothes, don't have to be college educated, and when they get pregnant you can sell the results!
An oldie but a goodie found it's way to my EMAIL, and seemed appropriate here.
Stella