Author Topic: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us  (Read 4898 times)

Offline princessnmi

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Alright guys, I'm sorry I haven't been around a lot lately. Things have been crazy around here. For those of you who don't know my husband is in Kuwait. My sister moved in with me to help with the kids while he is gone. During this time I have had a rough time with not only the fur kids but the skin kids. We had to put Brody down. We have had a lot of aggression problems in the house and we thought it was Moose causing the problems. So we rehomed him. He is in a great home with other dogs and doing WONDERFULLY! I get pics all the time and get to visit him. After Moosie left the fights continued. We had blood drawn constantly. I ended up with a dislocated shoulder and 5 stitches in my arm trying to break the 2 dogs up. Then Brody got out of the yard when I opened the gate and attacked another dog that was in the empty lot just behind us. She killed the other dog. It wasn't a small dog about 65 lbs and the only thing I could think of was that dog was twice the size of my biggest child. I couldn't handle it anymore and noone knew what to do to help us we couldn't get the military base off our backs so we had to put her down. I am absolutely heartbroken. On a better note ALL 11 puppies are doing great in their new homes. Now I need advice with my 2 1/2 yr old son. He REFUSES to do ANYTHING for himself but thats not the problem he fights you when you try to do it for him. Like getting dressed he will purposely put his arm in his neck hole then stiffen up and fight you when you try to fix it. He fights tooth and nail when you try to put him in his carseat. He will arch his back stiffen his arms I am so afraid I'm going to really hurt him trying to get him dressed. I have tried a positive route where we give him a marble for his marble jar anytime he does something without fighting, I have tried the negative route like making him wear his clothes like that, or bringing his carseat in and having him sit there until he puts his arms in the straps he will literally sit there for hours without even trying. Its not so much the fact that he doesn't do anything its the fight. I'm tired of being hit, spit at, kicked and screamed at. I don't know what to do. Any ideas? i'm sorry its sooo long. Hopefully I'll have some good news soon. Oh, keep my husband in your prayers...he is up for a cut that the air force is doing and we find out May 1st if he will still be an officer in the Air Force.
Proudly owned by: Robin-3 yr old Lab mix, Brody 14 month old Great Dane, Moose a 6 month old dane
Loved by my beautiful daughter Makaylee and my soon to be adopted sons Richard and Jay And the husband too I guess

Offline peytons mama

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2007, 09:06:18 am »
I have a brother who is alot younger than me so I remember what we did when he acted out like this. The car seat thing, (if you have time!) we took him out and put him in the driveway and drove away. Cruel I know. But when we drove back (went 2 driveways down and turned around!), he was so shocked that we would just leave him, he started minding the carseat thing and when it's time to go, it is time to go.
Same with getting dressed. We took him to daycare and what do kids hate? Being Embarrassed!!! We let him go with just his diaper or pullups on. We said that if you do not get dressed and you will not let us help you, then you go without! Same with the neckhole vs armhole. If you put your neck through the wrong hole, then stick your arm in the neck and we go! No buts about it. Let him throw a fit if it's uncomfortable (only if it's not hurting him do this-obviously-). If you want to act like a fool, then you get to look like a fool. And when  you are at the grocery store and people look at him weird, just explain why you are doing it...you will get many strangers telling your child that he should listen to mommy!
Sorry so long! Good luck and you and your hubby & family are in our prayers.
Your house isn't a home until you have made a bed for a dog.

Offline Brownis15

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2007, 09:09:49 am »
I am so sorry about brody... that is terrible, good luck with your son! LOL i have NO idea what advice to give you on that because I have no kids, but he reminds me of me now!
“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.”

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Offline schelmischekitty

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2007, 10:11:16 am »
so sorry about all the dog problems you're having!  on the kid note, i can TOTALLY relate!  aiden (my oldest) is 3 now and is acting the same exact way.  sadly, i have to admit, we've acted like we were going to "leave" aiden too.  but he only refuses to get in the car seat and runs away from you, so we all get in and start the truck and put it in reverse and he's running to us before we even get 2ft back.  cruel, i know, but he hasn't done it since the second time we did this.  for the getting dressed, i've found that if he figures out that if he doesn't get dressed when you ask him to he won't get to go, he gets a lot more cooperative.  for instance, if aiden refuses to get dressed, i'll say "ok, tristan let's go to the store and look at the fish" and aiden runs to get dressed.  we don't always buy him something in the store though, only if he got dressed nicely, and was great in the store.  then we buy him a small thing of craisins or something like that.  never candy.  thankfully, aiden now would prefer to have apples or bananas or something healthy than candy anyways.  he'll even trade candy for asparagus ha ha (we have this one guy who works at wal mart that will just randomly hand a kid something instead of walking to the right part of the store to put it up) if your son is as stubborn as aiden, please let me know what works!  we have tried time outs, popping him, taking toys away, etc.  aiden will even throw fits and throw toys at you if he thinks he can get away with it!
« Last Edit: April 28, 2007, 10:14:06 am by schelmischekitty »
steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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Offline princessnmi

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2007, 12:22:46 pm »
Thanks for the advice. Steffanie your Aiden sounds EXACTLY like my Jay. Its absolutely frustrating. Like you I have tried leaving him I left my sister in the house and made him stay on the front porch while I loaded my other 2 kids up and drove around the block maybe a 2 minute drive. I pulled back to the house to find him sitting on the front porch playing in the rocks. My sister said he never moved and never cried. So we spanked his but put him in his carseat and bought the other kids a treat while at the store. I have also tried taking toys away, time outs, popping him one, making him wear his clothes funny. Its really funny when he ends up with both his legs in one pant hole and then keeps getting mad at me because he can't walk and as soon as he stands up he falls over. Its just frustrating when a 15 minute routine turns into a 2 hr ordeal. I am NEVER on time to things, in fact since my husband left I will go 2 weeks without leaving the house except to take my oldest to preschool 3 days a week. Only because I don't enjoy the 2 hr battles to get 1 kid ready. I always take my stroller with me because I don't think its fair to reward bad behavior so when we go outside to play or go to the park he gets to sit in the stroller and watch everyone play. Just a frustrating time. Thanks everyone for letting me vent
Proudly owned by: Robin-3 yr old Lab mix, Brody 14 month old Great Dane, Moose a 6 month old dane
Loved by my beautiful daughter Makaylee and my soon to be adopted sons Richard and Jay And the husband too I guess

Offline schelmischekitty

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2007, 12:30:58 pm »
oh do i know!  it takes me 2 1/2 hours (literally) to get the kids and i ready.  i have to put lipstick on, get the kids out of the fridge, get toothpaste on the toothbrush and then get the kids out of something, etc, etc, etc the WHOLE time i'm trying to get ready.  i, too, avoid going somewhere unless i have help!  we can't even go to parks right now b/c aiden continually runs away from us and thinks it's funny.  very annoying!  we tried the buying tristan a treat but not aiden, but now that's developed sibling rivalry and tristan routinely gets his butt kicked by aiden!  very frustrating when you have a 1 and 3 year old that fist fight!  it's not always aiden, either, i've caught tristan sitting on aiden pounding him!  i just got a book from my mom called "dealing with sibling rivalry" i'll let you know if it has any helpful hints.  we also have the nanny 911, or super nanny (i can't remember which it is!) book, and although it had some tips in it, it didn't have a lot.  it was more discussion and "Q&A style" which didn't help me any because it was specific instances with different households that didn't really relate well to what i'm dealing with.

p.s.- has yours gone through the stage where he destroys EVERYTHING he can get his hands on??  aiden likes to break framed photos, and also loves to ruin food in the kitchen (like when he dumped two lbs of flour out by grabbing the bottom of the bag and twirling...  after i had just bathed and washed the clothes they were wearing and was trying to get ready to go to the store).  that instance, he also dumped seasonings out in the middle of a wal mart isle b/c he sits quietly contemplating and the second you turn your back he does it.  (he literally plots against me, i can prove it ha ha)
« Last Edit: April 28, 2007, 12:33:08 pm by schelmischekitty »
steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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Offline horsepoor21

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2007, 03:27:01 pm »
First of all , I'm so sorry about having to rehome Moose and then putting Brody down ,how sad  :'( But you just can't take chances around the kids ,I understand that .

I have four kids ranging in age from 3 months to almost 6 years old . My hubby trucks and is gone ALOT . I do everything by myself , except for grocery shopping , I normaly wait until late evening when hubby's home so I can take only one child for special "mommy time" , and that's only because there's just not enough room in the cart for food ! LOL Anyways , what we do here is we have a chore chart I ordered online ( I'll get you the URL if you want it ! ) and it has like 60 different picture cards of different chores , including getting dressed ,brushing teeth , making beds , etc , and you can put up the stuff you want them to do each day , and when they finish each chore they put the card in the pocket at the bottom . At the end of the day they get "Mom money" or "Dad Dollars" which they can use to buy goodies from the "Chore Store" once a week . My 1 year old , 3 year old ,and 5 year old ALL do their chores everyday with hardly ever a complaint , alot of times they will even do everything without me even asking them to ! They set the table , help me make meals , clear the table , feed animals , clean up all of their own messes . It's great ! Also , some GREAT books I recommend are "Bringing up boys" and "The strong willed child" ,both by Dr. James Dobson , they really helped me ! Hope this helps a little  :)
-Amy
Moose-Border Collie/Newfoundland rescue
Allie-Newfoundland
Spook-Newfoundland
Whiskey-Arabian
Wolverine-Cockatiel
Polly&Rainbow-Lovebirds (with 3 babies!)
Crush-Painted Turtle

       "Every boy should have two things:
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Offline princessnmi

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2007, 05:33:14 pm »
Thanks again for all the advice. Luckily neither one of my sons has gotten to the stage where they break everything or destroy stuff. I have found certain things that work with my 4 yr old but I swear absolutely NOTHING works with Jay. Richard goes to preschool which helps a lot. I have also found that he DOES NOT want his dad to find out that he has had bad behavior. So I give him 3 warnings and then he has to sit down and "write" a letter to his dad telling him why he has had bad behavior. The kid can't write yet, and you definately can't read what he is writing but I normally only have to give him the 1st warning and his behavior changes completely. Hey whatever works right?! I would love the link for the chore chart. I am ready to try absolutely anything at this point. I can get my 1 yr old daughter to clean up after herself, get herself dressed, put her shoes on, take her shoes off...pretty much anything I ask her to do she will try to do or do...wish it was that easy with Jay. Thanks again for all the advice i really appreciate it.
Proudly owned by: Robin-3 yr old Lab mix, Brody 14 month old Great Dane, Moose a 6 month old dane
Loved by my beautiful daughter Makaylee and my soon to be adopted sons Richard and Jay And the husband too I guess

Offline morph's mom

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2007, 03:15:00 am »
I know exactly what you are going through, Mason used to be the same wy but has over time gotten better.  He is 5 now and we still have some fights with him but they are not as often anymore.  He once spent a week with mammaw and pappaw and they did everything for him so when he came home he refused to get dressed and I was NOT going to dress a 5 year old plus I didnt have time. So I wrapped him up in a blanket with only his pullup on and took him to preschool.  His teacher totally understood and she took him to bathroom and gave him his clothes.  When he was dressed he could come out and play.  Well all of his friends seeing him in a pullup sure changed his thinking about getting dressed.  We dont have anymore problems with that one.  As for the throwing toys and breaking stuff.. We have the MOMMADADDY PAWN SHOP.  If he throws a toy it automatically gets put into pawn.  If he doesnt want to pick them up and after the third time he is told I pick the toys and they go into pawn also.  Same goes for clothes or anything else that is his.  He then has to do chores or help out around the house in order to get money to buy them back.  One time he had no toys at all to play with for almost 2 weeks cause he got mad and dumped everything in his room out. 
On the carseat deal.. mase used to do that and we would wrap him in a blanket so that he couldnt flail around and strap him in that way.  It worked for a little while but then he figured out how to arch his back and slide down and out of the seat. What worked for us was we took him to walmart and let him pick out a new car seat that was comfortable for him and one he liked.  After he picked it out we never had anymore problems with him setting in his carseat.

These are just what worked for us but every kid is different so you are just gonna have to keep trying till something works.  I know that it is not easy but you will get though this, and hubby will be home soon to help.  Mason was much worse when Smitty was gone than when he was home.  Deployments are hard on everybody esspecially the kids.

Can you post that link to the Chore Board??  That sounds pretty neat.
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A. J. Keeshound  3 yr


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Offline schelmischekitty

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2007, 03:18:29 am »
deployments are definately hard!  we never had any behavioral problems with aiden until brandon deployed.  then it all went down the drain and hasn't straightened out yet.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2007, 03:18:47 am by schelmischekitty »
steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
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Offline schelmischekitty

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2007, 05:17:51 am »
holly with the meals, do you do that with supper, too, or do you give them the option of coming to eat before bed if they don't eat supper?
steffanie in atlanta

aiden (4), tristan (2), & maya (born sept. 17th)
axle-140ish-lb akita (4)
peanut-5lb, 11 months chihuahua
[img width= height= alt=Image Hosted by ImageShack.us]http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/3339/alltogethernowme6.jpg[/img]

mama23+pyrs2

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2007, 04:24:08 am »
Wow, sorry to hear about all the problems. I thought my boy was tough but EEK. He has quite the temper and the terrible 2's started when he was a year old, he is 2 months away from turning 3 and he still throws the big, yelling, whining fits, but this time they are worse because he chooses to not end them. There isn't much that works for him either, I just deal with it, knowing in time it will pass. My first child (a girl) was heaven and never threw a fit, I never had a hard time with her so he was/is a learning lesson. Boys are just different, wow. He will get in his seat fine, we went through the arching and screaming but that was a long time ago, every baby goes through that. At his age though, yikes. He is actually quite a passive child with a temper, if that makes any sense. In the store, he throws the fits and he gets ignored. When it's starting, I ask him what he needs..is he hungry? thirsty? tired? what am I missing ya know. Sometimes they don't even know and that's when I ignore it, it won't last forever. Sometimes I just say forget it and leave. Getting dressed isn't an issue with him, it would be nice if he helped but he likes to get dressed. It sounds as though he's just really challenging/testing you and you have to find what works and stick to it, always being consistent. It's hard too when each parent does things differently. I give Jude a couple of chances to do what I ask or I make him do it, end of story. Hubby tells him like upteen times and fits ensue. ::)

I wish you luck! We are going through the throwing things phase, the total doing the opposite of what you asked or said NOT to do phase and that one's tough. He gets sent to bed now, if he doesn't want to cooperate and he can stay there until he calms down. He will also barely eat, that's like pulling teeth but just where he's at. I think most the problems seem to lie in not being consistent and following through- empty threats. That what I see most often.

Super Nanny? haha I love her!

Offline horsepoor21

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Re: Need advice with the skin kids this time and a little update on us
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2007, 07:17:26 am »
Sure ! It's http://www.lovetolearn.net and it's called the "Choreganizers" item # 06397D2 It costs $19.95 , kind of expensive but it was really worth it to me . I suppose you could make one if you can draw pictures well ! It was just easier for me to buy one . hehe
-Amy
Moose-Border Collie/Newfoundland rescue
Allie-Newfoundland
Spook-Newfoundland
Whiskey-Arabian
Wolverine-Cockatiel
Polly&Rainbow-Lovebirds (with 3 babies!)
Crush-Painted Turtle

       "Every boy should have two things:
 A dog, and a mother willing to let him have one"